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This place is a fucking ghost town. Dumping Squid Moe for a larf.
My folder is larger than I thought.
So. How'd you get in the slammer?
Me? Slapped my wife around too much. Bitch smashed her head open on the counter. Watched it splat like a melon. Sent me a little over the edge?
What? You honestly think she's the only person I iced? I couldn't take the guilt anymore, I let myself get convicted.
What? Tips on getting away with murder?
Well, kid. You see, most people don't understand that if there is no body, there is no murder. Too many people freak out and dump it on the side of the road. This is dumb and it WILL get you caught. It's better if the police don't even have a crime scene to work with. Be thorough. Lay down plastic sheets like you saw in Dexter. Wear gloves. A full body suit if you can, actually. Be sure you tie your hair up if you have any. No smoking or canned drinks! This will be written assuming that the body isn't already bleeding. You'll need to hang the body up by its feet, vertically. Prepare several tubs to allow the blood to drain into. When you're ready, sever the jugular and begin to bleed the body out.
Once that is finished, you'll likely want to dismember the body into pieces. This will make transport and handling easier for the next steps. Remember, when transporting the body parts off-site, be sure to double black BLACK garbage backs. Put a little bleach in each bag with the body part. This will help with the smell as well as decomposition.
Anyways, next thing you're going to want to do is remove all of the teeth from the mouth. Even the wisdom teeth. Be careful not to leave any fragments behind! While you're at it, remove all of the fingernails and toenails too. You might want to get a noseplug, teeth can be stinky! Especially if they're in poor condition. Now, pulverize the teeth and fingernails. Grind them into a fine dust. This is to make the body harder to identify in the extremely unlikely case that the limbs are actually found. Scatter the dust in a place far away from the killsite/dismemberment site.
Now, get a heavy hammer because you're going to start beating the body parts up as hard as you can! Break every bone as much as you can. Disfiguring the bone structure like this will make it difficult for authorities to discern previous injuries your victim may have had, thus lowering the probability of identification. Remember to keep all of the tools and instruments used in killing/dismembering in one place; If you lose them later on it could end up ruining you!
Next step is charing the body. Incinerating it completely is a little more high-profile and isn't exactly a slow process, so we're just going to burn the body enough to get rid of all that hair and the fingerprints. It is important that every last little bit of hair is gone from the body. Stoke the limbs halfway into the charring process to insure this.
Next comes the question of actual disposal. There are various things you could do.
If you have access to a large amount of concrete, you can encase each limb into a large concrete block, and drop them at various locations in the ocean. NEVER EVER drop more than one limb/part in the same place. Make sure the limb is completely encased, of course! To the naked eye this MUST remain an inconspicuous concrete block.
Another option which isn't as effective is burying the parts in various areas across the country you live in. This is obviously more dangerous, since digging a hole takes a considerable amount of time and people tend to be nosy. Always always always be sure to dig your holes deep. At least 5 feet deep. Even for a small limb. That way you minimize chances of it being discovered. Nobody is going to find a hand 5 feet deep in the ground unless they're REALLY digging for it. Be sure to NEVER bury more than one limb in the same state! Always bury at least 2 states away from each limb. If they find more than one, they may be able to link them up with each other, increasing their chance of identifying the body.
You could also feed the body to pigs, but this isn't desirable because it also takes a considerable amount of time to digest, and some fragments of the body may come out in the feces.
If you have access to highly corrosive acid, then use it.
Now, remember how I told you to keep everything used in the murder/dismemberment in one place? That's because you're going to break all of it! Yep. Burn the victims clothes and any clothes you wore during the murder/dismemberment. Scatter the ashes. Burn the plastic wrap. Be careful not to spill any blood! If you do, scrub the shit out of it with lightly corrosive acid/bleach. Dismantle any and all tools, weapons etc as much as you can. Burn any wood handles down to the ash. Melt any plastic as much as you can. Smash and cut any blades. Once you have destroyed your tools as much as humanly possible, wipe them down well to remove any possible fingerprints, then dump them in various areas far away from where you live or commited the act. Do not dump more than one fragment in each spot! The ocean, various dumpsters, other people's trash, deep beneath the ground, junkyards etc. Any place that makes sense, really. Nobody said killing people was cheap! It's not if you want to get away with it, anyways. Being paranoid never hurts.
Be sure never to confide in ANYONE. Even if you think you know them, or think they may sympathize with you. Deep down, you really never know anyone. People hide their true personalities from even their closest families. Even if they openly admit to wanting to kill, they may just be compelling. If they're that vocal about it, they probably can't handle your secret anyways! It may be upsetting to keep it inside but admitting guilt to ANYONE almost ALWAYS leads to capture.
Forgot to mention what to do with the blood. Mix it half and half with bleach and dump it down a drain. Obviously don't do this if you have a septic system. If you don't mix it with bleach it stinks and coagulates. It can cause problems in the piping and the stench will come up from the sewer grates.....dont mix blood with bleach. if you want to destroy the basic structure of the blood ALWAYS mix with ammonia, or a borax+water mixture. bleach is an obvious sign and smell and usually leads people to your drain in the first place. coat all drains with 2-3 gallons of 5% vinegar BEFORE dumping blood down it. after blood+ammonia/borax is dumped finish off by using drain-o for 15 minutes then flush pipes with clean water.
Well, that's it, kid. I gotta get off now, this is my stop. I have work to do.
Good luck in the soccer tournament, champ.
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what the fuck is wrong with you OP.
Nice dump btw. fukken saved
OP, how in the world is one supposed to do all that burning without attracting attention? Not all of us live in an area where the winters freeze and every house has a fireplace going daily.
Also, this is way too complicated. The best way is to frame someone else for the murder. Simple. Appeasing the public is what drives murder cases, and the public is satisfied as long as SOMEONE pays for a death. It does not matter who that is, or even if all accomplices or others are punished. That is why they have no trouble with plea deals, where one perp rats on the other, and he gets three years while the other gets life, even though they both did the same thing.
Or just take that person hiking and push them into a ravine. "It was an accident, I swear!" you tell the cops. Your life will be a clusterfuck for a while, but they won't be able to prove you wrong.
OP is so randum
Breaking Bad had the right idea: first, dissolve the body in acid. Then neutralize the acid. Finally, flush it all down the john.
Well, the police MIGHT be able to stick an involuntary manslaughter charge on you if they were really good enough.
Those are some good tips, I'm sure /grim/ would appreciate them.
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God bless, OP. God bless.
Haha holy SHIT I made this thread two fucking years ago
this place really is a ghost town
Hello OP. I saw your post.
Some are fucking worse
I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic.
This place reminds me of the last few episodes of Texhnolyze.
I've been lurking this board since 2011 and almost nothing as happened here since that time.
It was actually kinda (I stress kinda) busy from 2010-2012 or so. We had the monthly Anime Book Club threads, they were fun.
2008-2009 was a very active period, I found 7chan /a/ the best place on the internet then.
RIP in piece.
>my thread is still here
I can't believe how much I've changed since then. Ika isn't even my waifu anymore.
>not staying loyal to your waifu
Give it time, she'll come back
You are a gigantic faggot.
Ika Musume was years ago and it's still cool yet 7chan remains dead as ever
With the change in the rulez it'spicking back up.
That's a Cat
That's not a cat. THIS is a cat.
Why does that Cat have a dress on?
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Because you have to have something to take off.