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/fag/,
I need some advice on something that recently has happened at my place of work. I'm in the Navy. A few days ago I was sitting around with the rest of my shop, and someone made an off hand joke about playing gay chicken (that sort of game where straight men try do homoerotic things with each other, and the first one to chicken out loses). My supervisor says to him, "You've never played with me before, I'm the master of gay chicken" or something to that affect. He replies, "nope, I'm still waiting trying to get up the courage to play with <insert my name>". I'm open about my sexuality at work, no big deal. The supervisor says something back to him, so at this point I decide to chime in, "No balls, chief", to the supervisor. He says to me "God damn right, no balls". I replied "Well, if you change your mind, my back door is open", at which point he blushed and everyone laughed. He replies back something about not going to the gym after work while I was there so I couldn't check him out. I thought that quickly escalated from friendly banter, to blatant homophobia, but I'm not the sensitive type, so I let it go.
That being said, everyone in the shop is at an understanding that we're just kidding with each other. They poke fun at me for being gay, I poke them right back. Or so I thought, until this morning.
I get into work this morning, and chief pulls me aside. He says, "So, you need to sort of watch the things you say. It's one thing at the barracks, but when you're here, there are other people around who can hear more than you think, and you need to watch the things you say, because they'll come back to bite you in the ass later. Like the whole back door being open thing, if you we're a female how would that sound. We (meaning himself, and a few other senior folk) mulled over how to handle this for a little while, because not everyone is used to the whole gay thing. It's new for a lot of us."
My initial reaction was that we were having a conversation about professionalism, and the work place, so I just told him I understood and that was the end of that.
But now, after thinking about it, I kind of feel like as a gay man, I was just grouped in with women, for one, and two, more importantly, that the fact that they had a conversation about what my sexuality had to do with it, and how to approach it because of that kind of makes me feel like that was whole reason for the talk. If I had been a straight man saying those things, it wouldn't have been an issue (since I'm not the only one who jokes like that, but I am the only one who was pulled aside about it). Basically what I'm saying is, the fact that they felt the need to have a conversation about being gay, and how to approach it, is sort of the problem. Right? I don't know if I explained that quite right....
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