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Eeyore 17/08/17(Thu)16:37 No. 5523 ID: 6c9de1
5523

File 150298064030.png - (602.63KB , 1600x878 , skyline.png )

I have very little regard for most people. For more or less my whole life so far, I've had more meaningful interactions on imageboards than I have in real life. So it fucking tears me apart to know I'll never really "fit in" or be accepted in the eyes of my online peers. I will never fit into the wanted demographic for what I considered my home for years.

I'm not a subhuman. None of the people I grew up with were subhumans, a little dumb maybe, but they were still human beings. I don't have some sort of differently wired animal brain. I'm not an ape, I'm a fucking human. I've been posting on imageboards longer than most of you fucks have been alive. How disgusted and shocked you would be to know that you were sharing feels and discussing things so deeply with a nigger.

I try to be myself but there's no winning. I'm an Uncle Tom, I'm just trying to suck up to the whites. When the race war happens I'll still be on the "enemy's" side. I'm a race traitor and a coward. On the other side, it's just as degrading--I'm never just me. I'm "black" me. I'm not a musician, I'm a "black" musician. I'm the required diversity quota in every social circle and institution. I can never be sure if I deserve what I've earned, or if I was gifted it so someone higher up the ladder could look like a nice guy.

I read slurs and insults a thousand different ways from hundreds upon hundreds of different posters, and I know they really mean it for the most part. The boards' cultures has been dead for far too long to really believe any of them are doing it ""ironically."" They're caught up in a feedback loop just as toxic as the one they often criticize on the other side of the spectrum.

And what makes it worse is that these people are around me, but I can't see them. Which whites that I pass by in the street go home and post about their run-in with a nigger that night? There's no way to tell. It invites a terrible paranoia about the people I'm surrounded by--which ones truly accept me, and which ones are putting up a facade?

It makes me angry, upset, depressed. To be put into an inescapable box because of something beyond my control is so utterly frustrating. I try to surround myself with quality people who are capable of seeing past race, but any time I open up niggertits or see the news I'm reminded that there are still a large number of people in the world who would hate me from the moment they laid eyes on me. I've been trying to come out of my shell in the real world, but these issues with trust run very deep, and I haven't been able to make many new connections with people outside of my immediate group of friends. I've especially failed hard with white strangers.

I know this is just a nigger bitching about muh whitey, I don't care. I wanted to vent before it dug any deeper in me. With a little luck I'll be moving on to greener pastures now, and after this post I won't be a bother to 4 or 7 again.


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Eeyore 17/08/17(Thu)23:42 No. 5524 ID: 8253d1

I always got sort of mad that posting nigger stopped being a joke for a lot of people. It really aggravates me that when leftists complain about chans, they can now actually pin us for disliking blacks. Way back whenever it was just this in joke that anybody 2 weeks old could figure out pretty quick. Anyways OP don't give into the fear complex. You don't need chans and you can stop looking at pol, but I don't doubt you've been soaking up some opinions from the media which is actively portraying this new racist xeno society concept to millions. I can tell you it's bull if you do the math, both sides are a drop in the bucket for most people you meet. active example there have been about 75,198 posts to pol in the us today as a percent of the population that amount to .023 percent. That means you will meet roughly 4,500 people before you will have met one pol user. Move on op, there are plenty of good boards where /pol/sting isn't common place. I might add that a good portion of pol threads aren't about niggers so it's an even smaller fraction than that including the fact I counted total posts, not unique posters


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Eeyore 17/08/19(Sat)12:55 No. 5526 ID: b80104

Everyone should be judged by their own actions. I think nigger is a term used for degenerate blacks not simply a man of color.


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Eeyore 17/08/20(Sun)18:27 No. 5528 ID: cf9829

I can relate to your sentiment to some degree as I am a mulatto. After being exposed to racially motivated harassment from both whites and blacks throughout the entirety of my childhood and adolescence, I just became desensitized to it. I browse /pol/ daily as they seem to be the best news source in terms of response speed to a "happening" and access to unabridged information. Anything they say about mulattoes goes over my head as it is usually nonessential information in relation to what I was looking for.

As for strangers and colleagues at work, don't waste your time trying to guess their intentions. These people don't lose any sleep over their "encounters" with you. I also have issues with trust and identity, but I have managed fine with finding valuable connections in life. The "race war" will be nothing more than isolated skirmishes and riots around the country. As long as you don't manage to find yourself at the site of one of them, you will be fine. My biggest immediate concern right now is uniting a country with a failing economy, nonexistent public morale, and lack of patriotism for an inevitable war within the next 5-10 years.



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