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Hipster Slut 16/03/07(Mon)15:07 No. 17541
17541

File 145735965171.png - (55.44KB , 536x560 , y.png )

Practicing my technical writing. How is it and what can be improved?

>The age of petroleum as an energy source is slowly coming to an end, but the modern world remains powered by oil while being ubiquitous in products that do not yet have viable petroleum substitutes for their production. As the developing world’s demand for fossil fuels grows and supplies run dry, oil exploration becomes a more lucrative but risky venture that also promises higher oil returns.

>The project manager and procurement officer have the authority to negotiate for resources. The project manager and relationship manager are authorized to communicate with contractors and the project manager has exclusive authority with regards to communication to upper level management. The project manager has the authority to designate roles and jobs within the project. The holder of this position is John Doe and the other positions are vacant until assigned.


Subject matter and details are arbitrary by the way.


>>
Hipster Slut 16/03/08(Tue)00:46 No. 17542

> but the modern world remains powered by oil while being ubiquitous in products that do not yet have viable petroleum substitutes for their production.

ouch, rephrase this. use of ubiquitous seems forced, whole passage is a bit clunky and could be better rephrased. also, switch "powered" to something that indicates that you're talking about its uses beyond just energy (like "remains reliant on")

Your second sample passage seems just fine.


>>
Hipster Slut 16/03/08(Tue)21:24 No. 17544

The first paragraph is not technical writing. Technical writing conveys information or instructions with an emphasis on clarity. What you have written appears to be rhetoric instead.

"The age of" - undefined, unbounded term
"is" - this implies a current state of affairs, but does not indicate any particular date. Is this sentence still true when read in 2070?
"slowly coming to an end" - speculation or prediction, not information. 'Slowly' is vague.

"the modern world remains powered by oil" -redundant with the first clause, which already states that we are in an 'age of petroleum as an energy source'. Also, no data to support this assertion. Technical writing conveys information, not common knowledge.

The rest of the first paragraph isn't any better.


The second paragraph is better, because it tries to convey information: job responsibilities for various positions. This might be more clear as a bullet list.

project manager
o negotiates resources (see also procurement officer)
o communicates with upper management
procurement officer
o negotiates resources
(etc)

Some of the terms are still vague or undefined. Don't use 'with regards to' or similar phrases, they are empty of meaning. The word 'authorize' is overused.

The last sentence is awkward and doesn't fit with the rest of the paragraph. The rest of the paragraph describes roles for the job positions, the last sentence declares who is in the positions. That's a separate topic.

Good luck with your writing.





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