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I guess I'll spill this here

When I was 15 I started dating this "scene" girl. She was cute, but had a wide array of problems. Cutting, suicide threats, emotional abuse, cheating, the works. After 4 long years of dating, I finally decided to end it. The first time, this lasted 7 months of being broken up. we then got back together for a few months, then I broke up again, only for her to insist we could have a friends with benefits relationship. I agreed and every other month i got the "I think i'm pregnant" talk. Eventually I grew tired of that too and said we needed to cut it off entirely. She freaked out, sent pictures of her cutting herself, showed up at my house, threatened all sorts of stuff and then claimed shes pregnant. In the mean time, I've found a girl who really cares about me and stuff. She doesn't care about all the terrible things that have happened with me. We got together last month. Today though. Today something awful happened. I visited said ex because "post abortion distress" and so i showed up. Long story short, she ended up blowing me. I knew it would happen. I knew i'd be weak. I can't believe im such a fuck up. I haven't told my new girlfriend yet. I dont know if i can. I really should.

oh and some milf I had sex with extorted over 10000$ out of me because I "got her pregnant" while she was on the pill

Fuck girls. fuck sex. fuck everything

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I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

Why do I need to eat in the same fast food places as these subhuman jackals and scum? They always hunt in packs of six or seven so even if I was armed I woulnd't stand a chance

I just can't fathom how hard I'm being assrammed by government / parents / "fellow countrymen" all at once

this has to be a bad joke

it has to be some sort of nightmare

WAKE ME UP

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The following is a open letter my friend Tony Kral wrote about 20 years ago at the start of his awakening... Hope you enjoy it, and, check out his blogtalk radio interviews if you get the chance.

STATEMENT TO PLANET EARTH-
Looking into myself and ask WHY am I here, WHY was I born, WHY human societies created by Pharaohs, Kings, Queens, Emperors, Czars, Sultans, Popes, Dictators, Religious Organizations or some form of Governments and the people who support THEIR ORDERS, have reached to the level of today's society with a created-controlled situation, a limited understanding level, a society of people who are accepting:

- GENOCIDE of millions of unborn-newborn BABIES
- GENOCIDE and raping of CHILDREN, WOMEN, MEN
- GENOCIDE of MILLIONS everyday from mass production, pollution, misuse of chemicals in all forms, from trash to genetically engineered foods, heroin, alcohol, cigarette, 'approved' chemical compound materials as drugs-medicines...
- Thousands of atomic bomb tests, attacks and the combination of both; destroyed humanity, nature, earth, physically, mentally, genetically FOREVER!!!!!!!!
- The DESTRUCTION of the rain forests, source of oxygen
- The DESTRUCTION of the atmosphere through pollution
- The DESTRUCTION of the ozone layer, protection from ultraviolet radiation from space
-The DESTRUCTION POISONING THE OCEANS, SOURCE OF ALL WATER, SOURCE OF ALL LIFE!
- The DESTRUCTION GENOCIDE OF THE AFRICAN, ASIAN, SOUTH AMERICAN, CENTRAL AMERICAN, NORTH AMERICAN, AUSTRALIAN, SOME EARLY EUROPEAN TRIBES, native people, the cultures who are still refusing to accept forgetting the old, and learning the new ways of living, thinking and believing
- The butcher of the buffalo, bear, wolf, elephant, rhino, lion, tiger, eagle, whale, and all others, and the ones who have already died without having time to claim a name for their existence
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I hate gay people.

I truly do. Everyone I ever met who was gay ended up being a complete fucking fake ass selfish douchebag. These assholes are grade A liars.

You know why there are so many gay actors? Because these dudes are lying all the time. Any time a gay person tells you he's happy he's lying. Hell, any time he opens up his mouth he's lying. Every worthless faggot I had the displeasure of meeting ended up being a pissant lying piece of shit. You know how I could tell? Their actions. I'd start out really optimistic and we'd end up talking about sex or God or any topic. Guess what? Their actions did not match their words. Every single time! I fucked some dude who said sex was sacred on the second time we met. Then he lied about how he hesitated. Dude! I was the one who hesitated. We were at a hotel room and I asked him if he wanted to make out and he said yes, to which I asked "dude are you sure" and then one thing led to another and a couple months later he tells me how he picks up some asshole at the gay club only to find out he was straight.

Another time was when this fucker calls me up after weeks of blowing me off. Me being the people-lover I am, always giving people the benefit of the doubt mind you, decide to see this person. He tells me a story about his abusive piece of shit boyfriend that he's not attracted to sexually (by the way we go to the bathhouse together all the time when his BF is out of town so he can watch me fuck other dudes 'cause he thinks i'm that hot) and fucking smiles and tries to pass it off as ok. Guess what? The reason he never texts me is because his BF goes through his phone constantly and whenever I text apparently they have a huge fight about it because of some photo of us together on instagram. There's no photo of us together on that website. Like dude! What the hell man.

Another time this guy fucking lied to me was when I hit him up to hang out and all the sudden he spills the beans about how he misses his POS boyfriend aka glorified hookup from Grindr and that he doesn't want to hang out. Then he texts me a month later, after months of blowing me off bitching about how he's been alone his whole life and he lied about having a BF because it was never that official and that the date or whatever he was on made him feel upset 'cause his date (really the asshole he was trying to fuck that night) didn't like him. So I tell him not to be such a fucking whiny bitch and meet more people and he calls me rude!

That's just a small sample of the many negative interactions with gay people I had. When I first started clubbing I was overweight and no one wanted to talk to me. I'd go up to dudes and they would blow me off or, at the worst, run away. Now dudes come up to me at the club or at the bathhouse and I'm all nice to them but I just know that eventually whatever Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

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I was 18 when I joined blue lodge freemasonry. My training ended prematurely because of supposed paedophilia.

I spoke to great people like Isaac Newton (Illuminati) and Francis Bacon.

I even met the Rosicrucian's "Most perfect man" The count of st. Germaine.

This last fucking asshole made me infertile and impotent. I was snorting amphetamine and masturbating. Nothing wrong there, right? All of a sudden this white thing comes out of my penis (not sperm, but looked like a soul). Also, the count of st. Germaine made a horizontal slice through my prostate using some kind of sword.

The count of St. Germaine is Leonardo Da Vinci's painting of the most perfect man. You know it.

Now the woman who is or was waiting for me. I will never satisfy her. I have a limp dick forever. I can't get it to full stiffness.

Then I EXITED MASONRY. I touched my eye with my hand. That's how you get out.

tl'dr infertile impotent because secret orders and niggers.
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I'm wondering how y'all view morality and stuff...

I'm religious, and think homosexuality is an abomination. Even though I morally oppose gay marriage, I don't really care for it because I don't think it makes a difference... society is already sinful and wicked, and homosexuality is just one aspect of that.
I support the freedom to deny wedding requests and if I were a baker or did any form of catering, I'd refuse to do a gay wedding.

I have and wouldn't hesitate to continue speaking against homosexuality. I went through christian schools and knew some gay students. I would not be shy about saying their feelings are abominable.
If I have a wife and kids I will teach my children to be like me. If one of them is gay, I'd still love them, but I'd also condemn them and since I'd be burdened by the concept of them going to hell, I'd try to distance myself.
Not out of hate... but it's reasonable why parents often time disown gay kids. It's not hate, it's because you know they're not going to heaven, so it's painful to get close to them.

However, I do not believe in doing anything I feel directly harms gays?

My question is,.. do I seem like a bigot? Or bad person? Or harmful to gays? Is the fact that I don't believe in directly hurting them enough for you to respect my views.
Doesn't the fact that I support freedom and refuse to do something that would directly take kit way justify my homophobia?
I mean, if I don't support taking away gay peoples freedom or killing them or anything... then why is it wrong for me to be homophobic personally.
And if you're allowed to say it's okay to be gay, then why is it wrong for me to spread my religious beliefs?
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Everything is wrong at the most fundamental level conceivable, with a momentum like the weight and speed of a maglev train. Any attempt to reverse this madness would be like putting yourself in front of it with the intent to stop it with your own muscles. The wrongness of things cannot be stopped, all hope only increases the intensity of the inevitable despair of recognizing the truth of what surrounds you daily. Distraction from the nightmare comes in a million different plastic flavors, of which we all thrive on and are never fully satisfied by, to our own gradual decay and misfortune, by which time we are impotent to do anything about it, our cries are heard by no one, and our children have been successfully programmed to submit themselves as cogs to continue the progress of the nightmare machine, (of which the are only vaguely aware), and regret and fear are your new prime modalities. Lovely, lovely life. 4 channels of ESPN 24/7, spiderman 6 on the horizon, and an election every four years which amounts to deciding which of two wallpaper designs do you prefer. The food is all locked away, the police patrol the streets to pick up the human scraps that couldn't fit into the machine and wisk them away to the local hell house, and the brave men and women overseas risk their lives and lose their limbs to protect the large transcontinental strip mall back at home. The massive inbred corporate landscape where buildings and establishments resemble the nursery of a kid who got bored of all his new toys after five minutes. Community is a long deceased corpse. An apartment complex can easily be discovered to be an isolation complex. Everything that "takes the edge off" is everything that prolongs the gut-felt realization of the state of humanity. People will vaguely appreciate the truth of phrases such as "Money can't buy happiness" but in practice believe the exact opposite. Which is why you'll hear someonel say something such as "What's he complaining about? He's got all the money in the world!" as if that meant he therein had the capacity to be happy. Every dead deer on the side of the road, all the little flower memorials of the drunk teenage driver on telephone poles, the face of the person who has been pulled over by a police officer as people slowly drive by and gawk. The oppressive red and blue lights and sirens. The twinge of anxiety as you suspect this months salary might go up in a cloud of smoke as you hear one go off behind you. Mobility destroys community. If you can go anywhere whenever you want, then nowhere is worth going to, and everywhere slowly becomes the same place.

Make more money. Find someone who will agree to validate you if you validate them. Fear losing both of these things. Make more money. Push thoughts of death and life out of your mind. Watch the ball go through the hoop. Pay the athletes and actors absurd, disgusting amounts of money for keeping your min Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

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I dedicated so much fucking time to making you happy, striving to be the kind of man I thought a woman could want.

I loved you. Seriously loved you, like no one before. Not my mother, my father...no one. And like a goddamn fool I let it happen thinking maybe we had something. You gave up every-fucking-thing you had to help me when I was stranded after prison. Your home, your guns, all your stuff, gone. I was dead set on getting all that and more back for your sacrifice.

Why couldn't you see it would take time? All those glances at guys riding bikes, all the remorse over your guns, all your nice stuff. I needed time to get it all back; it can't happen overnight. But you got impatient. I saw how you looked at me from time to time. Like I didn't provide for you. Having fun and having material possessions came before the fact that I gladly supported you through all your flaws. The bed wetting, the occasional tantrum, the herpes, and your refusal to have children. I didn't give one single fuck about all of that. Because I loved you. And I wish it could be like how it was in the beginning.

We got along so well that it was sublime. We were completely comfortable with everything and nothing offended the other. For the first two months, I was almost certain I had found the one. I'd want to know why you changed, but you didn't. You were just putting on a front this whole time.

When I felt like I was losing you, I gripped tighter. I put in more and more time at work so I could help pay your medical bills and get you the things you wanted. I thought I had pulled the leash as close as I could get it.

Sean wasn't the gateway. I didn't see it before, but this wasn't just any gate, it was a goddamn flood gate. First you cheat on me with Sean, then another and another...all without me knowing. But you thought I was stupid. Maybe you still do. Your passwords were a minor hurdle for me; it was only a matter of time.

The utter fucking betrayal I feel now is almost incomprehensible. Not only that, but I feel completely shamed and disgusted. There are times when I think about how many times I've kissed you after you recently sucked someone's dick and I come close to losing it, every fucking time. How many times did I do oral not knowing another guy's cock was just pumping it out? There are some laws of Islam I would gladly accept in this case.

What else gets me, you had every single encounter recorded on your phone. Not the smartest idea. But what truly bit me deep down inside, what truly twisted my guts the worst, was that you had some marked as ??? for the name and Bareback? as the contents.
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I zone out constantly getting lost in my thoughts. I think about shit like the vastness of the universe and the infinite curvature of space. Then I remember I am not but an ape with bonus intelligence living on some insignificant pebble infinitely falling through the infinity of space and being hurled around a giant nuclear ball of flame and just how fragile everything us. I think about shit like how everyone goes about their day-to-day lives to rarely ever stop and examine what the hell they're doing and what the point of it is. I get stressed about things and then I just think why? Why must we stress over things that are temporary? It's all so ridiculously pointless. I feel disconnected from other people because it seems to me that they're all just following the latest cool thing to do. War, the most pointless thing, fought for nothing but the glory of the destruction of others or the garnering of resources. If we all just got along we wouldnt need to fight. But no, nobody can do this for some reason, there always has to be so much hostility. I like to imagine a world in which humans just got along. The hate. Hate crumbles societies. It topples empires. The very foundations of everything that makes us human are shaken by the quake of hatred. We fight all of our petty fights because we feel that our own selves matter more than the good of the whole. It's all so helplessly pointless.

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A realization I had that bothers me a little.

Bestiality, Furfags, guys thinking they're supposed to be women, every sick fetish you can think of... all stem from the fact that we became accepting of gays. All of those bible thumpers who claimed "If we accept them, next we'll have to accept a man wanted to fuck his dog" were right.

Now, I support gays 100%. I've had a few gay experiences myself. and that's why I'm bothered by this. Every one of these sick fucks has groups of people claiming they're the next form of modern acceptance that must happen. That we're all immoral for thinking a person wanting to be legally identified as a mascot costumed wolf, a man thinking he's a woman if he chops his dick off and takes hormones, or the idea that there are a million genders and orientations and you are whichever one you want to be, are weird or wrong.