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I think the only thing I am concerned about with death is agony. How do I relax when I know I'll experience physical pain no matter how brief it is?
Honestly, I've come to grips with my situation and while it may seem short sighted to dismiss continuing training with the Army, a relationship (albeit a long distance one), the supportive ideas of many friends and associates, and the future with my immediate family, I am disinterested in continuing to play other people's games. It's not so much that I want to stop pain like some little emo brat, I've experienced my fair share of instability and continue to pursue an unstable life because I recognized it's reward, but now I don't care to stress over it anymore. I don't mean to sound pompous or as if a life even in poverty is beneath me - I lived that life.
I suppose it's the redundancy of how I live and how I see others live that's unappealing. To me liberation by way of elimination of everything sounds reasonable. It would be nice, at least I think, to not have to worry about artificial things bothering me.
sounds like a spoiled brat.