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Thank you for all of your responses. I never really thought I'd get any comments about it, only that I just wanted to get this out, but I guess it's nice to connect to some people who know about it as well. Here's another time, and I am truly sorry these are so long. If I post again, i'll try to make it shorter...
To be honest, I’m not too certain how much more of this I’ll be able to tell, or recall, but I’ll try for another. This event occurred not too long after the last, I think a week, or two. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and all seemed normal. I had gotten home from school, usually depressed as I had slowly begun to become a bit of a loner. I could always connect with others, but I never truly fit in anywhere, nor with anyone. The friends I may have had all phased out, it’s really actually quite depressing, but I was young and when your parents split, it’s hard to adjust. In the long run, I know it was for the better of myself and my father, as well as the rest of the family, but still at that age there was still a lot of inner turmoil I simply couldn’t comprehend. I was ten, how could I?
My father was usually home around four, which means I would be alone in the apartment for a couple of hours. Just enough time to work on homework, if I chose to that night. Homework was never really the issue, just the desire to not waste time, that, and I always enjoyed when he would help me with it. He would set a small coffee table up by the couch, or sometimes by my bed and we’d sit together and work through it. Math was always the harder of the bunch, but looking back, I can’t see why. However, we all wish we knew what we do now then, things would be different, of course. I think the outcome of my life would have been different had I known a few things then that I do now, but that’s neither here, nor there.
For this day, I had really only any need to read a few chapters of a book for school. There was a lot of interest in reading and my father even let me read some of the books he enjoyed, both as a child and adult, but the adult ones I found harder to get into. None of them were sexual in nature, as I’d like to always stress that my father wasn’t a pervert. The things we did, I think they were done merely out of some sort of connection, need to connect, or just some mutual expression love. I was learning, and to learn from the man I looked up to was at the time almost awe inspiring. He knew things, and did things I simply couldn’t fathom until grew older and thus much more world wise. Still, there was never any sense of perversion in the few times anything did happen, just a father and his son.
When he got home, I guess I didn’t really notice it had been later than usual. The book I was reading, well, let’s say I got through it pretty quickly. The door shut loudly and I remember being jolted by that, he had never been loud. He called to me and set me at the table to talk to me. Mom wanted back in, not so much in the family, but my life. I was her son, but that was saying about as much as someone that collects porcelain dolls saying that they were one of their children, only I’m pretty sure she’d love dolls more than she did me. She wanted to spend weekends. Every weekend. He was against it, and so was I. There was something inside me that wanted to try, because at that age I couldn’t learn that all some people wanted to do was to damage others.
In any case, we had talked about it and decided not to, but knew she would persist. It was something that worried him and after that brief talk, he did what he could to whip up a quick dinner for me then seemed to disappear into his room. It wasn’t a normal evening for us, I was worried too. Around seven, when I should have been readying for bed, I knocked on the door, which just opened as I touched it. I found him in the shower, or well, I could hear the shower going and figured he was in there.
I was in a large shirt, which covered me to my knees, beneath just white little undies all boys my age should have worn. I went across the room to the bathroom door, which was left slight ajar. I’m guessing in his state of dealing with the ex trying to come back into his son’s life after having cast him aside so eagerly that certain details just kind of escaped him. One of them being me entering the bathroom, I wanted to know what was up, because he was supposed to bring me to bed and he would some times read to me, or just tuck me in, I enjoyed it and maybe, I thought, doing that would take his mind off of mom.
The door was fogged, like a shroud of mist had fallen upon it. I’m not sure how he knew, maybe he I made a noise, or probably from opening the door, but he knew I was there. Watching, not for any sexual pleasure, but just there. He said I could join him, that I would need a shower anyway so we may as well share one. It wasn’t like what I had was anything he hadn’t seen before, after all I was part of him. That and when you’ve had your father’s hard cock inside your mouth, even just the few inches I managed to get in, modesty and that little shyness about nudity sort of has no place being an excuse. So I slid out of that large shirt, leaving just my small boyish frame in my little white undies that soon were removed as well. The door opened and I slipped into the moist, warm fog of the shower with my father. I think that’s the first time it ever happened, and not the last, but it was more special the first time. Something new to share with him.
I gazed up at him, though he was turned. His ass to me and his balls between his cheeks, I remember that image being burned into my young mind. Since then I’ve always had a thing for spread thighs with that soft pouch of flesh snug between. I guess this is where that came from, sort of like how my phobia of orcas came from watching Free Willy. Terrifying movie, but that’s beside the point. Water dripped down his flesh, hot and yet still smooth. He was so young then, not to me at that age, but looking back his age really wasn’t what I’d today consider old, especially considering I’ll be reaching that age in time and i’d like to be half as youthful as he was then.
He asked me if my homework was finished, and I just mumbled yes, something about reading. I guess he expected me to shower with him, and head out when finished, using the run off from the shower head. It was detachable, so when his head dipped out of its radius of warm, moist delight he looked back at his young son, wetted and taking the shower head he handed to me. I soaked my hair, closing my eyes as tight as I could because I hated getting water in my eyes, even when swimming. I probably giggled a bit too, I always found it kind of ticklish using the detachable shower head in some places on my body. I don’t know, maybe. I remember there were no smiles that day from him, or even myself. Just heavy thoughts and detachment from the future. Even at my age I remember playing scenarios in my head of what might happen, or what could happen, both good and bad. I guess he did too, but I just figured adults always knew that answer, you know? Like they could tell the future, or something. That was just youthful ignorance talking though. Shame.
He turned, and my eyes immediately moved from the walls and his face to his cock. It was kind of where my eyes were leveled at anyway so it wasn’t difficult to suddenly lock onto cock. It was semi-hard, or soft, I was never certain really, just that it looked like he was peeing with all the water just running down that smooth curvature of tender, brittle flesh. I was distracted by his hand, reaching out to give me the soap, a little lemon bar of soap we used. This was his though, even though I had my own. I liked the lemon scent better than mine, that and mine was so small. I liked the bigger one, seemed more adult.
“Wash up,” he said. I asked if he had, and if maybe I could help him. It elicited the first real flicker of a grin I saw on him that night, but he said yeah.