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Beta System needs feedback Weapons of Body and Soul 17/03/27(Mon)13:04 No. 120081
120081

File 149061266473.jpg - (51.21KB , 640x480 , naruto_sasuke0039.jpg )

Hey all. I have been working on a Martial Arts system inspired by Xianxia and Shonen settings. I have hit a bit of a road block so I could use feedback on the mechanics of it.

The PDF can be found here (http://www.mediafire.com/file/4f4nrlt6t3w819f/1.51.pdf)

The basic idea is that PCs are martial artist mystics (Supernatural powers and superhuman capabilities) in Fantastic Asia. Mechanically it is point based character progression and an additive dice pool resolution. On top of that, there is tactical combat with a unique timing based initiative system as well as resource management for Physical and Spiritual energy.


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Weapons+of+Body+and+Soul 17/03/31(Fri)03:29 No. 120275

Now in google docs form

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2K7sG3uQwZIeWY2ZzFXNFNyVDg/view


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Anonymous 18/07/27(Fri)09:07 No. 131333

Using the style of the DnD book makes it seem like it's a DnD homebrew. Consider changing.

Your fluff sections and mechanics sections keep swapping between each other. Separate the two.

When going over your core dice mechanic, you immediately go through a list of terms. This makes it harder for someone who isn't already familiar with the system to learn it, and turns them off from it. This might suggest that your core mechanic is too complicated.

Separate point, I think your core mechanic is too involved. Just rolling the dice shouldn't have so much going into it. Also, rolling twice for a single task, especially for one you do every turn in combat, was already bad design in DnD.

Your explanation of Backfire could be massively shortened.

Explode mentions Intensify but doesn't explain what that means. Seems like more unnecessary complication.

Using the subsection names as part of the sentence was weird when I first saw it but a neat stylistic choice.

Under Core Skills, it's not clear what the Strike Types are.

"BV" is used a lot, but it isn't defined until pages later.

Your formatting is inconsistent and wonky in many places, making it harder to understand and process. In fact I think the ordering of the document in general is out of order.

Your pages have wildly inconsistent spacing from the bottom, which looks weird and distracting.

Any time you do freeform-ish things in a rules-heavy system, you *need* to define some baseline examples so players can make something properly balanced. Plus, the page has plenty of room for a light armor, a medium armor, and a heavy armor.

Skill Clocks are a neat idea and a good way to visualize it, but I would be worried about the amount of bookkeeping this adds to the GM. Playtesting will be needed.

It's at this point it's become clear that you're making the mistake of trying to give absolutely everything a name. You don't need a name for the current initiative; just say "turns go in order of Motion Points." You don't need to explicitly name all different kinds of Skill Checks (that whole section was a doozy to read). You don't need to name a Roll Modifier; just say to add what's relevant. There's a whole lot of this going on.

On the subject of adding, your system does a lot of adding a bunch of numbers. Even if they're small, any arithmetic at all slows down the game. Sometimes that's good, but you're making a system about high-speed magic kung-fu. You ever played Pokémon Tabletop United at mid-high level? Absolute snails' race.

Every time you name a stat to be used, I think "wait what all did that do again?" There are way too many to just rattle off. At the *very least* you need a chart or something.

Your section title asks "What are my resources?" and then you never actually define any resources. Just how much of what you have. Yes, I could glean it from the descriptions, but it's not made clear.

Overall, this system is an extreme case of information overload, while somehow leaving out much of the actual information. You say you have "road block" which implies you want to add more, which is absolutely not the way to go (though you didn't actually say what the problem you're looking to solve is?) You severely need to learn to read a system document from the perspective of someone totally new. I'm even a little skeptical that you remember everything.

Finally, not a critique, but have you tried the Anima system? Seems like you'd enjoy it based on what I'm seeing in what you've written.




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