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/v/ - The Vineyard
This board is dedicated to the fine art of sticking your penis into a nice wine. Rules:

1. Love your wine as you would love your woman.
2. Please, no trolling, just discussion of some of the finer things in life.
3. Cheese is an acceptable topic of discussion. After all, what goes with wine if not cheese?
4. No champagne.


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  • Currently 414 unique user posts. View catalog

  • Blotter updated: 2011-01-12 Show/Hide Show All

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Wine Connoisseur 12/07/12(Thu)07:14 No. 2208 [Reply]
2208

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Does anyone make a better cherry wine? No, seriously, is there anyone?


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Wine Connoisseur 12/08/12(Sun)12:44 No. 2219

Check out Carrick from Central Otago (New Zealand)




Turning Sparkling Juice into Wine? Wine Connoisseur 12/05/23(Wed)11:24 No. 2178 [Reply]
2178

File 133776508235.jpg - (595.39KB , 1224x1632 , photo.jpg )

Hey, /v/, I've got an odd question for you.

I've got a couple of bottles of sparkling grape juice (pic related) and some yeast packets. Is it possible to encourage fermentation so that I can turn this into wine, or would the preservatives/acid/other factors in the juice prevent fermentation from occuring? If it's possible, how could I safely go about doing it without spending money on "proper" (read: expensive) wine-fermenting equipment?

inb4 underb&, I'm 19 y/o in the US (drinking age is 21 here) but my parents would buy me alcohol if I asked. This is more of a summer science experiment than anything else.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/06/24(Sun)22:13 No. 2197

Do it faggot.
It'll be full of sulphur though so add some Hydrogen Peroxide first. Also in future just use normal grape juice and put it through a secondary fermentation for the bubbles (see methode traditionalle for details on such things)


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Wine Connoisseur 12/07/18(Wed)07:12 No. 2212

I have taken cheap Welches white Niagara grape juice, added champagne yeast, and produced what tasted like basically a passable $10 bottle of white table wine. What was actually much better than that was letting the juice ferment for only a few days and drinking it while it is still likely and actively fermenting. Basically an American burcak. That shit is delicious and its something you literally cannot buy in stores in the US. BTW, I have 17 years experience as a home brewer of beer.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/07/29(Sun)08:39 No. 2214

Don't use sparkling juice, the carbonation and preservatives will harm the fermentation, and it likely has sweeteners added which will not ferment properly, possibly spoiling it. Use some sort of relatively pure, unprocessed juice as the starting material.

However, know that fermentation in small batches tends to result in cloudiness and the like. Also, be careful to control the temperature or you might end up with vinegar.




Sexy WIne? Wine Connoisseur 11/08/18(Thu)08:03 No. 2028 [Reply]
2028

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Hey Gents, James May here. I'm doing an upcoming series about the aphrodisiacal affects of wine. I might even try some on these things on Oz. Old bastard didn't even realize the date rape I did on the caravan during season two. I'm also into anal play. There's nothing better than the smooth feel of a 1964 Chateau Latour going up my bum. So you Gentlemen have any ideas for my series?


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Wine Connoisseur 12/05/24(Thu)17:55 No. 2180

>>2158
who helped to fix his bike!


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Wine Connoisseur 12/07/12(Thu)07:11 No. 2207

My honest opinion is, he probably swings both ways.

I've been curious of the rainbow flag he wears from time to time.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/07/12(Thu)11:21 No. 2210

>>2107
wine only gets people drunk when they're of the sort of brute who drinks the stuff. We here are a higher class of character.




Wine Connoisseur 10/01/14(Thu)15:58 No. 936 [Reply] [Last 50 posts]
936

File 126348113394.jpg - (20.05KB , 800x703 , hand.jpg )

Wait, does /v/ REALLY dip their penises into wine? I can't tell if this is a joke or not.

Pic is what I prefer.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/03/05(Mon)03:20 No. 2141

yeah this some crooked little vein shit but

you ain't experienced a spicy little cab sav biting back 'till she bit you on the dick


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Wine Connoisseur 12/04/22(Sun)08:32 No. 2157

i can understand why you were horrified by /cake/ (i like it but i can understand) but how the hell can you be horrified by /cd/ thats mild as fuck as far as paraphilias go. you must be extremely sheltered to be even unsettled by something like that nowadays. either that or your 12..


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bloody hell this board runs slow Wine Connoisseur 12/05/22(Tue)16:12 No. 2174

>>2157
I have always had a (somewhat irrational) fear of transvestites, probably stemming from
http://maskon.com/kerry/index.htm
also, I was a bit on the friut of the vine at the time of posting, and may have sounded like a twelve-year-old. My condolences.




Savvy 11/11/12(Sat)09:46 No. 2079 [Reply]
2079

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The scrotal region, perineum and penis are the most active uptake zone on the human body. Anything will be absorbed and anything vaugely lipdish will have a more rapid uptake.

HOWEVER

The tannin polymers rapidly block the osmotic receptors on the skin. You might not actually get drunk.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/03/28(Wed)22:59 No. 2151

>>2146
You are a philistine sir. The gentleman was simply informing those of lesser intellect then himself the nature of, and reason behind, this board. I believe it is you who should, as you put it, "Lurk More".


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Wine Connoisseur 12/05/01(Tue)20:45 No. 2159

I am academically involved into sylviculture but I'm not a true wine connoisseur since I lack both sophistication and experience on given subject. Oak and Hazelnut woods have suppossedly the highest content of tannins but I'm not sure if the content transmitted into the wine through the barrels is sufficient to have any effect other than a discreet tangy aroma and a minor contribution to vascular health after years of wine consumption.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/05/22(Tue)08:49 No. 2173

What about a vino colonic? Compared to skin of the peritoneum the rectal and sigmoid mucosae are far more permeable to alcohol, dangerously so if you're not careful. And yet they are significantly good at keeping out the toxins to the point where you can actually hydrate in a survival situation by shooting stagnant water. Of course if all you're after is a buzz there's no need to shoot wine up your butt. Any moderately strong and cheap distillation will do.




SHOW ME YOUR PRIDE !/v/Kinga8Y!!p5BQRmAmR4 12/05/10(Thu)22:42 No. 2163 [Reply]
2163

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i am now god of the vineyard


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bring a friend !/v/Kinga8Y!!p5BQRmAmR4 12/05/11(Fri)08:07 No. 2168

no one likes to spend /v/day alone, so find yourself a /v/day buddy and spread the love. This is predominantly a gentleman's board, however you may bring along your significant other, and YES, if you don't have a significant other, you may bring your waifu.


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Party favours !/v/Kinga8Y!!p5BQRmAmR4 12/05/11(Fri)08:19 No. 2169

for those classy enough to participate i have here for your pleasure, some aesthetics that just may enhance your experience.

Virtual Fireplace: for those of you who switched the ol place out for a digital display.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_BL5EKwSqE&feature=BFa&list=PL16B3FBDE747B694F&lf=BFp&index=2

endless classy tunes loop: for those of you who enjoy some good old fashion jaz
http://endlessvideo.com//watch?v=fGkujkBRaIQ

Rain: for those of you, like me, who love a good rain storm during the ol dippity dappity. (best if 5.1 surround sound)
http://www.rainymood.com/

more tunes: because one track just isn't enough.
http://www.webtechies.fm/radio/search/genre/30s-40s-165


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Wine Connoisseur 12/05/17(Thu)01:50 No. 2171

whew, sorry i wasn't around for /v/ day.
i was arrested for indecent exposure at olive garden




Wine Connoisseur 12/05/05(Sat)19:14 No. 2162 [Reply]
2162

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i gave this a try last night and was just blown away, just beyond description other than to say that it will be a while before i go back to dipping in wine




Awaiting Moderation 7chan Server !BEEPBOOP ## System ## 12/05/05(Sat)03:20 No. 2161 [Reply]

This post has been flagged for administrative review.




How to Host a Wine Dipping Wine Connoisseur 11/02/07(Mon)04:03 No. 1529 [Reply]
1529

File 129704783080.jpg - (96.94KB , 500x500 , wine.jpg )

Gentlemen of /v/,

Allow me to share the finer details of a "Wine Dipping Party"

1. The Guest List: Only invite gentlemen whom share your taste for the finer wines. If they insist on dipping champagne tell them to kindly exit your presence.

2. To make your event a bit more challenging, offer a “blind dipping” experience. In this case, you still provide your guests with their individual tasting cards. However, you pour each wine without identifying the label (cover bottles with foil or a brown bag and mark with a number prior to serving), allowing them to incorporate all of their senses to identify the respective wines based on the labels’ descriptions. The guest that is able to identify the most wines correctly wins a prized bottle of wine or perhaps a book on the art of wine dipping.

3. Decorations for a wine tasting party can range from a white table cloth and candles to Old World, Tuscan faux paintings and vintage bottles scattered throughout your “dipping room.” In either case, remember to keep the atmosphere light and engaging. You may consider starting the evening with a bit of wine trivia, just to get the conversation rolling.


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Wine Connoisseur 11/02/08(Tue)16:12 No. 1534

Would you mind telling me what the proper ettiquette is at a dipping party as far as flaccidness/erectness when dipping?


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Wine Connoisseur 11/02/08(Tue)22:58 No. 1535

Generally one enters flaccid, and exits flaccid. What happens in between is between a man and his wine and any honourable guest would appreciate that.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/04/13(Fri)06:19 No. 2156

Is it bad manners to taste a wine that you have dipped in? I'd for my guests to consider me barbaric for sampling a wine with my tongue that Id have previously placed my member into it...




Wine Connoisseur 11/07/11(Mon)22:13 No. 1852 [Reply]
1852

File 131041522630.jpg - (5.51KB , 92x350 , cleanskin_red.jpg )

Hey /v/, Ausfag here.

I'm not the biggest connoisseur of wine, but i've managed to sample all the way from cheap red french piss all the way up to extremely expensive red french piss - and while the more highly priced wine is usually better, it isn't really any guarantee.

In Ausfailia we have cleanskins wine... wine without a label, traditionally made from mixtures of whatever was left over from the labeled wine bottling. And the very best wine I have ever drunk in my life was 2 bottles of cleanskin from some microwinery that has since probably closed down in the Great Ausfailian Wine Crisis.

Have you guys had any experiences like that, where you found amazing wine where you just didn't expect it?


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Wine Connoisseur 11/07/12(Tue)03:48 No. 1854

Perhaps you are unaware of the unique cultural mores of the colonies.


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Wine Connoisseur 11/08/10(Wed)18:25 No. 2019

I believe that in some or the more remote of the colonies there has sprung up all manner of oddities in etiquette. Why, just the other day I did partake in conversation with an old and rather well-traveled acquaintance. He told tales of many such things as would be considered most unusual here, but overseas are found to be the norm. One such tale was of a rather intimate occasion with a woman from, as they say, "Down-Under". Said intimate occasion consisted, among other things, of the woman using her mouth as a chalice for which the esteemed gentleman may use... Most unusual...

In summary, there are many curious practices commonplace overseas at which we may balk or at least find strange to our usual accepted ways, of which drinking a small sample of vintage may indeed be one.


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Wine Connoisseur 12/03/29(Thu)14:34 No. 2152
2152

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>>1853

>this board is for gentleman

please go home sir, you have had too much.




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