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/v/ - The Vineyard
This board is dedicated to the fine art of sticking your penis into a nice wine. Rules:

1. Love your wine as you would love your woman.
2. Please, no trolling, just discussion of some of the finer things in life.
3. Cheese is an acceptable topic of discussion. After all, what goes with wine if not cheese?
4. No champagne.

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Wine Connoisseur 13/06/15(Sat)17:02 No. 2293 [Reply]

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I must say this board is far less erotic than I expected it to be

6/10 tops, but really I was hoping for a solid 8.5

Wine Connoisseur 12/12/26(Wed)11:15 No. 2261 [Reply]

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>So I come back to this board almost three years later to find it in a terrible state of affairs. My initial foray into dipping remains, but the pictorial evidence seems to have vanished. So, friends, as I repost this classic /v/ineyard story, join me in remembering a journey of discovery that took place in February of 2010 and has shaped my cultural and social life ever since.

I have procured this lovely snack, but I find myself in need of a good wine. With a fully-stocked wine rack, courtesy of mother and father, I feel that I shall not go wanting. The question is, which wine to choose?

Join me on a journey of discovery, friends.

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Wine Connoisseur 12/12/26(Wed)11:21 No. 2265

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Here more than ever the dusky, dark red hue of the wine is most visible - notice that the head of my dongus is almost entirely obscured. I rest for a moment, savoring the sensation of the ethyl alcohol and citric acids nibbling my most sensitive skin. I eat a cracker, the first of many. Tonight will be a good night indeed.

Author's Note: In this last picture, you will notice that I am eschewing the newer balls-in method for the more traditional balls-out. It is my belief that cockdipping and sackdipping are two entirely different methods of enjoying wine, and need not be combined. Furthermore, I find that one is best able to concentrate on the wine's relationship with one's wang, especially with reds, when one's schlong has one's full attention.

Thank you for your time.

Wine Connoisseur 13/02/12(Tue)17:53 No. 2275

real men dip in Jim Beam

Wine Connoisseur 13/03/01(Fri)18:25 No. 2281

gotta say wine man, that was really well written. i work at a wine bar and youve inspired me now

Wine Connoisseur 12/11/01(Thu)16:49 No. 2243 [Reply] Locked

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Pee+Know+Nwahh 12/11/16(Fri)05:55 No. 2251

Champagne glass, yes.
Looks suspiciously still.
Given its obvious commercial origins I would say coloured water.


Wine Connoisseur 12/12/01(Sat)09:14 No. 2258

I can fap to this.

Wine Connoisseur 13/01/10(Thu)22:32 No. 2267


You, sir, disgust me.

Wine Connoisseur 11/03/15(Tue)18:55 No. 1656 [Reply]

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What do the gentlemen of /v/ think of box wine?

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Doxy 12/07/16(Mon)09:51 No. 2211

Box wine is akin to Mike Tyson. Given a chance it will gladly fuck you up, nobody likes it that much. No true patron of the arts would admit to partaking in such an abomination. Moreover, op, your crabs have herpes. Ergo, i deem you unworthy of continued life for speaking of such a hideous creation.

Pee+Know+Nwahh 12/11/16(Fri)05:59 No. 2253

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This is what i think of such tripe.

Stork+ 12/11/16(Fri)06:32 No. 2254

I disagree with your complaint on the milk, good sir! Bagged milk is delicious, and remains in similar quality depending on the manufacturer.

However, bagged wine is tripe. Inedible tripe.

Ask a Winemaker anything noko 12/10/12(Fri)05:12 No. 2237 [Reply]

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So I'm a finally a real Winemaker in Central Otago. When telling the winery staff to do 'dips' (where you measure the headspace between the wine and top of the tank)
or 'taste dips' (where you drop a suspiciously phallic rod through the red fermenting cap to get some juice, usually for testing purposes) I giggle like a bitch. People are getting suspicious.
I always giggle.

Wine Connoisseur 12/10/14(Sun)21:19 No. 2238

I need a good Bordeaux wine. Tips?

Pee+Know+Nwahh 12/11/16(Fri)05:56 No. 2252

Actually can't dude.
I steer clear of that stuff as it messes with my palate.

Anything Gran Crux.
Go nuts.

advice !NinTendO.c 12/09/21(Fri)09:57 No. 2228 [Reply]

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Gents, the other day I had been feeling most curious; wanting to try a new taste, I had decided to pop open an old Gin bottle which I had found days prior inside my study; poured the beverage into a glass and dipped as would be my natural routine.

Now, the problem that had arose is that I do not know whether or not it is common for a lingering stinging and itching pain to occur.

How many of you fine blokes ever dipped in Gin, and what has been your experience like?

Wine Connoisseur 12/11/12(Mon)15:44 No. 2248

you're just plain old disgusting
a disgrace to the traditions of /v/
I hope you are banned forever

Wine Connoisseur 12/07/12(Thu)07:14 No. 2208 [Reply]

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Does anyone make a better cherry wine? No, seriously, is there anyone?

Wine Connoisseur 12/08/12(Sun)12:44 No. 2219

Check out Carrick from Central Otago (New Zealand)

Turning Sparkling Juice into Wine? Wine Connoisseur 12/05/23(Wed)11:24 No. 2178 [Reply]

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Hey, /v/, I've got an odd question for you.

I've got a couple of bottles of sparkling grape juice (pic related) and some yeast packets. Is it possible to encourage fermentation so that I can turn this into wine, or would the preservatives/acid/other factors in the juice prevent fermentation from occuring? If it's possible, how could I safely go about doing it without spending money on "proper" (read: expensive) wine-fermenting equipment?

inb4 underb&, I'm 19 y/o in the US (drinking age is 21 here) but my parents would buy me alcohol if I asked. This is more of a summer science experiment than anything else.

3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Wine Connoisseur 12/06/24(Sun)22:13 No. 2197

Do it faggot.
It'll be full of sulphur though so add some Hydrogen Peroxide first. Also in future just use normal grape juice and put it through a secondary fermentation for the bubbles (see methode traditionalle for details on such things)

Wine Connoisseur 12/07/18(Wed)07:12 No. 2212

I have taken cheap Welches white Niagara grape juice, added champagne yeast, and produced what tasted like basically a passable $10 bottle of white table wine. What was actually much better than that was letting the juice ferment for only a few days and drinking it while it is still likely and actively fermenting. Basically an American burcak. That shit is delicious and its something you literally cannot buy in stores in the US. BTW, I have 17 years experience as a home brewer of beer.

Wine Connoisseur 12/07/29(Sun)08:39 No. 2214

Don't use sparkling juice, the carbonation and preservatives will harm the fermentation, and it likely has sweeteners added which will not ferment properly, possibly spoiling it. Use some sort of relatively pure, unprocessed juice as the starting material.

However, know that fermentation in small batches tends to result in cloudiness and the like. Also, be careful to control the temperature or you might end up with vinegar.

Sexy WIne? Wine Connoisseur 11/08/18(Thu)08:03 No. 2028 [Reply]

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Hey Gents, James May here. I'm doing an upcoming series about the aphrodisiacal affects of wine. I might even try some on these things on Oz. Old bastard didn't even realize the date rape I did on the caravan during season two. I'm also into anal play. There's nothing better than the smooth feel of a 1964 Chateau Latour going up my bum. So you Gentlemen have any ideas for my series?

5 posts and 1 image omitted. Click Reply to view.
Wine Connoisseur 12/05/24(Thu)17:55 No. 2180

who helped to fix his bike!

Wine Connoisseur 12/07/12(Thu)07:11 No. 2207

My honest opinion is, he probably swings both ways.

I've been curious of the rainbow flag he wears from time to time.

Wine Connoisseur 12/07/12(Thu)11:21 No. 2210

wine only gets people drunk when they're of the sort of brute who drinks the stuff. We here are a higher class of character.

Savvy 11/11/12(Sat)09:46 No. 2079 [Reply]

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The scrotal region, perineum and penis are the most active uptake zone on the human body. Anything will be absorbed and anything vaugely lipdish will have a more rapid uptake.


The tannin polymers rapidly block the osmotic receptors on the skin. You might not actually get drunk.

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Wine Connoisseur 12/03/28(Wed)22:59 No. 2151

You are a philistine sir. The gentleman was simply informing those of lesser intellect then himself the nature of, and reason behind, this board. I believe it is you who should, as you put it, "Lurk More".

Wine Connoisseur 12/05/01(Tue)20:45 No. 2159

I am academically involved into sylviculture but I'm not a true wine connoisseur since I lack both sophistication and experience on given subject. Oak and Hazelnut woods have suppossedly the highest content of tannins but I'm not sure if the content transmitted into the wine through the barrels is sufficient to have any effect other than a discreet tangy aroma and a minor contribution to vascular health after years of wine consumption.

Wine Connoisseur 12/05/22(Tue)08:49 No. 2173

What about a vino colonic? Compared to skin of the peritoneum the rectal and sigmoid mucosae are far more permeable to alcohol, dangerously so if you're not careful. And yet they are significantly good at keeping out the toxins to the point where you can actually hydrate in a survival situation by shooting stagnant water. Of course if all you're after is a buzz there's no need to shoot wine up your butt. Any moderately strong and cheap distillation will do.

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