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/elit/ - Erotic Literature
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Tomboy Misadventures Anonymous 19/09/16(Mon)05:32 No. 26307 ID: 0a182b

A love letter to the best loli writers of the site, which are well-known to the point there is no need to say who they are. Or a hate letter for those writers that don't post, but it would be stupid of me. Regardless, here is my take...

On a loli that got fiddled by a tokusatsu fan.


"Why are you looking at my house, you fucking thief-"

After a fight with my family...

Wait. It's best to introduce myself beforehand.

I'm Douglas Rosefeltd, just another salaryman that hates his job. 25, single, and ousted of my household for a mistake I once made during the past. And well, this stupid salaryman had the great idea of going to his first family reunion in 6 years, not knowing that they still hate him to this day.

A good chance to see my old neighbors. They were unaware of what I did and were saddened to see me depart from my mother's house. It was necessary, sadly.

And there I stood.

In front of a familiar house.

That house... it was very nostalgic for me. It reminded me of the best days of my life, but also of my worst mistake.

I once lived in a lively, and always cheerful neighborhood, next to most of my family members. And that is the reason why I was nearby, still pissed because of that stupid family reunion, and decided to go for a walk in my old neighborhood. And boy, was it a bad mistake.

A face I didn't want to see for a long time.

"Wait, is that you, bro?"

The girl I once molested... was in front of me.

CHAPTER 1-2 !dULEx5XrOs 19/09/16(Mon)06:05 No. 26308 ID: 0a182b

"Oh my god! I'm so happy to see you, bro!"

I didn't know how to react. At first glance, how could she be so cheerful, considering her molester was now in front of her house, and that said molester made her life miserable? Was she able to forgive me? I introduced her to a new world... which would destroy both her and me... and yet...

Why the hell she was happy?!

Why she called me 'bro', considering everything?!

And why she was my type, for fucks sake?!

She had black hair, stylized as a pixie cut, with some of her bangs painted purple. Her attire was... also very nostalgic for a simple reason; it was a magenta stripped jacket, with a white skirt, and sandals. Below the jacket, was a T-Shirt decorated with a Kamen Rider character; at first glance, he could tell it was his favorite series, Kamen Rider Decade.

And before I could ogle at her new... assets, she hugged me.

"After we moved, I couldn't handle being away from you..."

"You know..."

I grabbed her by the shoulders, ended the hug, and softly shoved her away. She still had that smile on her safe, now showing her white teeth from a small gap that opened between the lips. It was sexy, and that was the push I needed to walk away and never look back.

A molester... wanting to repeat his crimes?

No, thank you.

"I... molested you."

She went quiet, and her smile faded almost instantly.

"So, please, let us go our merry ways... and pretend none of this has happened. I... can't repeat my mistake again..."


I sobbed, and small teardrops ran from my eyelids straight into my cheeks. What person could handle such a insane logic all of sudden? Did she forget those things? Those horrible things that plagued her life... and she still had the capacity to smile? To still like the things her molester also had a shared interest?

As I went deeper into a question without answers, she approached slowly, and hugged my head to her chest. It was quite of big compared to the old days... but the fact arousal came, was enough to make me wander back into a self-existential crisis. She was stupid? Hugging her molester?

A worthless pedophile?

"You were a molester... a pedophile... and worst of all... a jerk for telling my mother about what you did to me!"

"I loved everything we did together, Douglas! Watching Kamen Rider together with you... playing games with you, telling you my problems at school... even the sexual things we did! You made my first time... very special, and yet..."

"You regret our time together?!"

"It was wrong, criminal, but what else?!"

"Ashley, you..."

She took my head by the cheeks, and bought it close to hers. Our noses were touching, the feel of her breath sending shivers through my whole body. I was at peace, but still conflicted about my wrongdoings... she was happy with me doing those things, but yet, it didn't remove my guilt.

Before I could say anything else...

"You shoved that big dick inside of a little girl, fully aware of the implications. Said girl, however... ended up loving it."

She touched my lips with hers, both mouths opening, noses moving out of the way as our tongues met. My body moved all by itself, grabbing whatever it could grasp. It wandered until it landed right on her buttcheeks, and it wasn't selfish at all! She hugged me by the neck, hands caressing my hair as she devoured my soul with her lips, very soft and sexy lips...

It all ended after one minute or two of a very passionate french kiss. We didn't move, we just kept cuddling, as the cicadas kept crying on the middle of that cold night. Ashley still had something to say, however, and whispered in his ear, words which he would never forget.

"I still love you, Douglas... so please..."

She gave a small nibble in my lips, and said.

"I'm willing to listen."

!dULEx5XrOs 19/09/17(Tue)05:19 No. 26313 ID: 0a182b

I need opinions!

Maybe its too rushed or badly written, and there is no way I am aware of my own failings without the reader opinion! If this isn't written, the loli mafia will play russian roulette with me!

Anonymous 19/09/18(Wed)05:57 No. 26315 ID: bbe66b

the board moves slowly, sorry for the lack of response.

this is interesting, but there's not really enough yet for me to properly criticize.
I would say that the flow isn't really that great. an example:

I didn't know how to react. At first glance, how could she be so cheerful, considering her molester was now in front of her house, and that said molester made her life miserable? Was she able to forgive me? I introduced her to a new world... which would destroy both her and me... and yet...

Why the hell she was happy?!

Why she called me 'bro', considering everything?!

And why she was my type, for fucks sake?!

that many short choppy sentences, all their own paragraph feels to me like the text equivalent of shaky cam. it jerks me around. this can be a useful effect if used well, but you have to pick and choose very specifically where to put it and when.

Also, three '?!' in a row. yes, it's an emotionally charged situation, but it's still a bit much.

I like the set up, and the tiny amount of plot we've seen so far. I would work on the sentence structure, paragraph construction and technical stuff a bit more.

This just comes with time. you have to write more and it will come. so keep going, and lets see what happens!

Anonymous 19/09/19(Thu)10:56 No. 26319 ID: 8eafc9

I'd echo what the previous commenter said. It's clear English isn't your first language, and it's causing a lot of problems with your writing. I honestly don't think you'll be able to really write anything readable without learning English grammar rules a bit more first.

That's not to say that your story is necessarily bad. It's just hard to read and get involved in. Keep practicing.

Anonymous 19/09/20(Fri)06:22 No. 26322 ID: f7d3f6

A good light perv/romance, not looking for War and Peace here. Your writing isn’t abysmal, which a lot of supposedly serious writing is. Not going to quibble about sentence structure and such, what I look for in writing is heart. I have been moved to tears by barely comprehensible prose, because it had just enough of the right words.

Meanwhile, the subject of the “victim” of molestation falling in love with the “perpetrator” is a pretty well-traveled trope, and more common in real life than most people think. Can’t tell if you’re presenting just the first chapter of a more involved story, or a really short story. It reads like a movie trailer, just a teaser. Fleshed out with some more plot and character development, it might make a good actual story.

!dULEx5XrOs 19/09/20(Fri)18:41 No. 26324 ID: 0a182b

English is really my first language, and it takes away my drive to write the rest. But I must try.

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