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Do you like tablets? Well fuck you!
-Nintendo
So if you haven't ever just seen a phone with those controller dongles you might be almost surprised by this piece of shit. That is until you realize how piss-poor the lineup is, and how similar it is to the Dreamcast without any of the fun or innovation.
You see the Mario game, Super Mario Odyssey is an unashamed ripoff of Sonic Adventure. The word Odyssey in the title makes it completely obvious, but the problem is it doesn't make any fucking sense. You see Sonic wasn't a human, he was a fucking talking hedgehog made in a lab or some shit who knows, so when he is surrounded by fucking humans it actually almost seems fitting. Mario however is supposed to be human, but looks nothing like the "realistic" (I use that term loosely) humans in the trailer for the Switch game. Now even without this little flaw the whole idea of the living hat seems like shit. Bowser is getting married again or something, which is actually a plot point they used in a previous game I have read. Anyways the hats they all wear might be alive or something, someone suggested that and hey that's almost interesting. Except when you realize this is Nintendo 2017 we're dealing with, it starts to get muddled. You see the dumbass hats are going to be ghosts or some shit, just wait, it's fucking magic they don't gotta explain shit! Fucking cartoons and real humans! Woah!
Next is ARMS, which also just looks like shit. Turns out the only thing they could think of to do with the waggle is make another boxing game, which is pretty innovative according to Nintendo. The trailer for this game is cringe-worthy as all fuck, with almost half of it being live action bullshit wherein people get SUPER fucking intense about ARMS. Except, the game looks fucking boring and everyone hates waggle. Also, DLC costumes if it sells more than ten copies
Now we have a game called "1, 2, Switch," up next, I put that name in quotes because it almost seems completely retarded to call something that and you will surely think I'm speaking in code or something. Apparently the game is based off of cowboys, according to the trailer, and the crux of the gameplay revolves around pressing the button first. This isn't a QTE because of, well nothing! It's going to be a minigame collection that borders on absolute retardation and the only thing they had to show off was two cowboys getting randy over pressing their button.
Zelda: Piss in the Wild is a Skyrim ripoff (direct quote from Nintendo executive) except it doesn't have anything that was in Skyrim except Zelda, who was also not in Skyrim. The main selling point of this game is that you can wear armor, something you could do in an Elder Scrolls game since the original Xbox. Beyond that they introduced Fem Link, and forgot what color Link's tunic was. Fem Link is sure to b
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