Grandmother, a few years ago, Alzheimers.
Grandfather, this last fall, being old and sad in general, I think pneumonia/aspiration finally got him. Well, actually it was morphine for both of them because medical professionals also get paid to kill people who can't or likely won't get better now.
My other grandfather's been dead for a long time but I only ever remember seeing him once when I was very small.

Guy I knew since I was a kid, last fall, didn't know him super well despite knowing him so long, but knew him long enough and know his kids well. Never got to see his younger daughter graduate high school this spring.

My mom, beginning of June, died in her sleep on the night of the day the above-mentioned guy was buried. I didn't go to the burial, I had to work and was tired of funerals and burials, and went to his funeral, and didn't know what to say. She was perfectly healthy except I guess she had a brain aneurysm no one knew about and routine checkups/scans wouldn't find. She was in the exact position she sleeps and looked the same as ever the morning after the night after the night she died, just pale and very cold to the touch. There was nothing really wrong with her otherwise. She was in great health other than her eyes and the beginnings of a little arthritis. She cooked with coconut oil and took vitamins and stretched and went to a chiropractor occasionally, and she was slowing down on her home business to pursue other things, get ready for retirement, and she was interested in doing some work with the business I was just about to start. She never made it to her friend's younger daughters' graduation either, and she'd been sort of helping them through it. Only a few more weeks to go, too. Mom, you'd have been so amazed, she got all of these scholarships and everything. That part I needed for my computer worked and I'm starting up on the business next month. I'm also going to start writing that book I told you I was finally ready to write starting this summer. My birthday is coming up and I'll come see you at your grave. The balloon I gave you for Mother's Day with the other stuff is still floating in your room, though it's lost some helium. I wasn't joking about that <<<secret project>>> I'd been talking about either, going to do it once I get a little older, wiser, and richer. I still have my job and I'm paying off my loans and some friends of ours even moved into town lately, they hadn't had time to let us know yet so I guess you won't get to see them again, but we're having a good time together anyways.

Dad and your brothers got your parents' house cleaned out and ready to sell finally, you'd already pretty much finished. Sorry you didn't get to relax and have some fun this summer. We're doing the garage sale still like we talked about, and we cleared out the house so everything is nice. Dad figured out what my new rent rate should be like you were talking about. We took care of your business so your clients weren't left hanging. If you see Gram and Gramp in some afterlife, tell them hi. Miss you terribly, but hope I don't see you again for a while. We're taking care of the cat for you.

I watched my mother die a long, painful death from metastasized lung cancer. It was pretty much hell on Earth.

Sheryl was 22. She was excited because she was transferring to my university. I was going to help her move in the fall and she was going to start in the spring.

Drunk driver hit her in August of that year. The lucky bastard died instantly without regrets, while sheryl laid motionless in a coma for three months. That thanksgiving weekend, I got a message from her dad: he was giving up. I went to meet him and pay my respects to her. I coward out and left the room before she was terminated.

I didn't go to the funeral.

Stupid bitch in a full size pickup with a lift kit was hauling an oversized trailer full of crap down a 2 lane country road, exceeding the speed limit, and fucking around on her phone instead of paying attention to the world around her.

In front of her a construction vehicle slowed, then stopped in order to make a left turn into a construction zone. Being as stupid as she was a bitch, she didn't realize the construction vehicle had come to a complete stop until she was seconds away from plowing into it.

Bitch then decides to cross the into oncoming traffic. Where my friend was. Who she couldn't see because she hadn't bothered to pay any fucking attention until she was right on top of the construction vehicle.

Stupid bitch walked away from the accident. My friend left the scene in the coroner's truck. His girlfriend in the passenger seat spent 5 years learning how to walk again. Much of that time was also spent fighting insurance to cover the cost of the airlift out of bumblefuck pickuptruckistan and into civilization, a decision she had no part in since she was unconscious.

Last time the stupid bitch was seen she was back in a new lifted pickup and fucking around on her phone, in search of her next victim.

My friend was out of the states working. came home for a visit and his mother asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner. She made the meals, Gave him a big hug and told him she loved him before he left. His mother killed herself after he was a few states away... in the heat of the events he could not return home soon enough. his sister messaged him telling him to come home right away. She needed him. He was coming home and she also hung herself. He lost both his mother and sister in the same month. Another friend of mine lost his mother to lung cancer. 3 years later lost his father to heroin. the police found his fathers abandoned vehicle from fleeing from a hit and run. the body of his father was found frozen the next day under a boat in the neighbors yard. he literally got high and froze to death.

My best friend's sister died after suffering prolonged verbal, psychological, and physical abuse by her fiance. She was eight months pregnant. While her parents were dealing with the shock of losing their youngest child and only grandchild, he secretly arranged all of the funeral plans with no input from her family. He had an open casket and had the baby placed on her chest. She was wearing a hockey jersey. We all knew she didn't like hockey. But he did. It was almost like he was proudly displaying his crimes for all to see. Two weeks later he had another girlfriend. I hope he gets cancer and I hope it eats him so slowly and unnoticed that it's too late when they do find it.

My older brother fell asleep at the wheel and flipped his truck driving home from work late at night. I still remember my mom sobbing when the cop showed up to tell her what happened. It was so surreal, I couldn't hear the officer's muffled voice but I knew exactly why he was there and why my mom was crying.

Every day I wish I could go back and be a better brother to him but it's too late. I'd start my life over in an instant if I could. Love you bro.

>>5467
The only member of my family I could ever relate to was a cousin who had a condition that prevented most of his body from growing with respect to his age. His internal organs were apparently not affected, meaning he would inevitably reach a point at which his rib cage was too small to house them. That age was around 14 if I recall correctly, which was far longer than any prognosis he had been given--although I have seen other people with the same symptoms as adults.

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas while the men watched boring football and the women talked boring gossip in the kitchen, we'd go off to play cards or ping pong (he had one good arm). I've been to only one or two family gatherings in the two decades since he passed away and they are sheer, unbearable boredom.

>>5509
fucker should be shot

My brother in law left a note and disappeared. A few weeks later, they found his body in a secluded cabin. We were going through the same problems. I had decided not to kill myself less than a year before, because I couldn't hurt my mom like that. His mom is an evil whore though, so he didn't have my motivation to survive.
I love you man. I love you so much. We all wish you were here. You were closer to me than anybody in my family.

My mom died a year ago. She had a an enlarged heart all her life, so when she she started having heart attack as a result of high blood pressure, she died immeadiately. I never had my dad around, and my older brother never liked having me around, I always felt unneeded and in the way, and I never trusted anyone but her. Now she's gone and I have no one I trust enough to talk to. I still wish it was me. I've never liked living; never seen the point to going out, chasing dreams, or anything like that, and going on with no one to be there for feels fucking pointless. At this point, life is my prison sentence and I'm just waiting to get out.

When I was 6 a good friend of mine died by starving herself to death. She was but a year older and already had anorexia. My first touch with death.

When I was 11 a distant bur still friend passed away after three years of fighting blood cancer. Years of supporting her and suddenly, egstinguished like a light.

When I was 14 one of my dearest friend decided to leave my side as he got into various addictions including drugs. Half a year later the idiot overdosed. Brought it upon him self.

When I was 16 my father drank so much tha6 when he fell into a small river nearby hwere he lived he couldn't get back up. Was to drunk to. He drowned. I always hated him anyways. He was a pedophile, molested me and my sister for years. Raging alcoholic. I didn't even attend his funeral.

Now the person I've got a crush on is withering away in a hospital loosing a fight to a diseese I'm not even sure the name of. My family hardly wants to know me and still holds it prejudice against me for celebrating my father's death. Many of my dearest friends are leaving me because there is so much angst in me that when they get to close to me they do not wish to deal with that anymore.
Hardly anyone bothers to find out why it comes with such ease for me to say that now, right before I turn 18, I wish to die my self. I'm just not sure weaher it's worth it. If it's not what the universe wanted me to do from the start.. And I was just not reading the signs right

>>5577
People die. You should be painfully aware by now that there's no need to rush into it, in due time death will come for you as well. In the mean time, think of how easy it's going to be for you to live through the bullshit of an ordinary life after that childhood. As soon as you turn 18, get out of town, forget about your family, and start fresh. Going to college would help, but there are other ways to make a good life for yourself if you are ready, and willing, to weaponize your trauma.

Wear it like a suit of armour, wield it like a battle axe. You've been through shit no one else is ever going to understand; the fact that you lived and your friends didn't is proof that it has made you stronger.

Tell me of the ones you've lost and how they died.

My Dad died when I was 11. My grandmother was ill and either had a recent surgery, or was going to have one I can't remember. My Dad locked himself in the bathroom and overdosed on heroin. I remember knocking on the door and getting no response, then returning to my room. It's a long time ago but I remember being out in the backyard some time later and then following the grownups to the bathroom. There was no response, eventually one of them kicked the door open, and we found him. An ambulance arrived later and he was taken to the hospital but he never displayed any brain function and was taken off life support. I was already a lonely self centered kid with no friends for most of my life at that point. Before my parents got divorced, which happened when I was around 9 or 10 I think, I was already having suicidal thoughts. https://www.google.com.au/maps/@-37.7917068,144.9699272,3a,75y,304.75h,96.36t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1s04YBDol0Dbd8I07TtfDr1w!2e0!7i13312!8i6656 "Tara house" is the one I used to live in. I would climb over the railing when nobody was home and think about trying to jump to the concrete to stop the pain. At the time there were 2 tree's there, so I'd have to make it all the way to the concrete. Looking at it now, it's not that far, but at the time I was about the same height as the railing. It wasn't very logical, I mean looking at it now I don't think that jump would have been enough to kill me, but at the time there were only two thoughts. How much I wanted to end the pain I was feeling, the pain of not being able to connect with people, of always screwing every social connection up, the pain of being alone and knowing that I was the reason I was alone but not knowing the solution. And how much it would hurt if I didn't make the jump and landed on the spiked railing or in one of the trees. That was the mental state I was in and hiding from my family. I was taken to see doctors and psychiatrists, but it was about my behavioral problems at school, and they never seemed to be probing me about depression or sadness, so I think I managed to hide it pretty well. I started to retreat into computers and computer and video games, they a crutch that got me through a pretty sad life. My mum was always very distrustful of gaming, but my dad was more ok with it. Then my dad od'd. I don't remember much of the interim between the night he od'd and when we found out later he was not showing any signs of life (brain waves) before we took him off life support. I remember something weird happening when I was crawled up in a ball sitting on my bedroom floor crying... I stopped crying. I couldn't feel that unique kind of pain. I felt like it was still there, and I knew that it still hurt, but I couldn't feel it, and I couldn't cry anymore that night. I don't know if I wanted to cry more and couldn't, or if I just felt like something was really wrong with me not crying.

I cried at parts of the funeral, but I was just feeling numb for a lot of it. From that point on I've had very sporadic and far spaced (months between) single crying episodes. The feeling comes up regardless of where I am but I've gotten good at hiding it until I can get alone.

I never discussed how I was feeling with people. I'd often get into arguments/fights about random shit. On very rare occasions when I was feeling a certain way towards someone I was in an argument with I would start to feel my own pain again and I would just kind of let my mask drop and look towards that person a certain way and we'd stop arguing. I don't know if I wanted them to hug me or just leave me or what but I generally ended up not talking to that person again.

Over the next few years all of my grandparents died. I remember my grandmother wanting me to write her another letter but I was too dumb and self centered to do it. Close family kept telling me to do it but I never did, and then she died. I felt guilty about that.

A couple of years later and I was saving up my lunch money to go to the internet cafe. I was still really dumb socially but I was gradually making friends there, and I learnt to get along with people playing cs:s. I used to type and joke and originally nobody liked me but I got better at it and kept joining different servers with different people learning what was banter and what was just being an asshole.

I was doing shit at school, and was still pretty bad socially, but I felt like I was finally getting it. Then when I was 16 my half brother died in a car crash halfway round the world. My full brother was the driver. We found out on the phone. My stepdad left my room to go console my mum, and I sat down and pulled my knee's up, and tried to cry, but I couldn't do it. I felt guilty about that but it wasn't working so I went and comforted my Mum.

I'm 26 now. I'm addicted to video games. I live in an apartment that varies between almost clean and filthy. I've attempted to study various things many times, and I'm going to keep attempting. At some point I've managed to lose that emotional block. If I'm alone I cry freely when I feel like I need to. If I'm in public I have to actually focus to not let it show. When I cry I feel better. I'm a sucker for movies about loss, I have anxieties, especially related to picking up my phone, my sleep is pretty bad. I'm happy sometimes, and I'm sad sometimes. I've considered trying to experiment with medications to manage my emotional state but I'd rather be struggling to make progress in a life with ups and downs, than to find myself in a situation where life is progressing but I'm taking medications to numb myself, knowing that if I stop taking them I'd likely lose control of my life again.

I am in control of my life. Sometimes I let go of the wheel, but I'm getting better at holding strong.

>>5577
I hear what you are saying about your friends and family when you talk about the angst and how dear they are to you. I don't want to give you advice about Battle Axes and Armor, because for better or for worse you won't need that advice.

I don't know what any of that is like. Some people in my family do, I've met people like you that I would do anything to speak to again (as much for my own benefit, too. I love Emma.)

I do know that when someone shares that with me, it's more than a feeling I can imagine. It's an act I become involved in, and it connects us. It makes me want to say that I love you. So I'll leave this note hoping you keep sharing these feelings with others who will feel like I do.

Your family is fucked. Completely and totally insane to judge you. It's hard for people like you and me to imagine everyday normal, lucky people feeling justifiably unconfident. It takes years of adulthood to take them down off of their pedestals and realize they never changed or grew up, but for years it's impossible not to operate on the assumption that the world knows you better than you do.

If you force yourself to live, you will get through this. If you give up, you will not. We love you and we don't want to see you on that list, we really don't. If I saw you in a coffee shop I'd assume you were a normal person. I hope you're honest with the people you meet about where your feelings come from. Obviously not as direct, but my point is that the fears we don't talk about blind us to love. Another person's insecurity is greatly relieved by this and they feel strong and powerful knowing how to help. I didn't want to say "people are cowards," because you'll make them better than that. It's a process and you can ALWAYS be part of it.

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My friend Evan. He wasn't the best of friends, but that makes me all the more guilty. We were both in the Army, he commissioned as an officer and was training at Ft. Benning. I always knew there was something wrong, he seemed depressed but I brushed it off. I got a text from another friend saying that he died, it bothered me that there was no other information. I dug deep in the web and stumbled across a reddit thread from others in his class. Turns out he killed himself while at the range.

I felt like I was the only person that could sense that something was off when he was my roommate. He always seemed so happy and cheerful, and never failed to make people laugh. In hindsight I could have done something, but was too caught up in my own battles to help. Many of his "friends" probably don't even know that he's dead, or how it happened.

>>5509
I hate people like that, especially if they were able to get away with it, with just killing someone because of some preventable accident.

My mom died 6 years ago, my grandmother that raized me died 4 years ago also.
My grandfather kicked me out with out a single euro 4 years ago because i stole from him multiple times ,we have made peace with each other and speak sometimes.
My mother died of strock she had aids duo to her old heroine abuse as a teenager she kicked it at the age of 25 but died at the age od 37 she refused to tread her ilness and hid it from everyone exept a few also contaminated friends.
My father spend most of his adult life in jail,i ve meet him at the age of 20 we dont get along.
Im bald at 27 also so just add insult to injury.
I still smoke haxixe everydayw with my gf that has been with me for almost 10 years, even tho i ocasionaly beat her with my hand (slaps mostly) she even worked for me for half a year including dressing and feeding me. I cant hold a job, and to make matherz worst i only go after physical demandig jobs even tho im a skinny manlet pothead.
What do can i even say? I have yet to see a more pitfull person then myself.

>>5852
>even tho i ocasionaly beat her with my hand (slaps mostly)

Holy shit

>>5852
>Haxixe
You're Portuguese? Sounds like you are also scum, raised by scum to be scum. I don't blame you, but I hope you will not perpetuate this cycle. If you can't make anything better of yourself, at least avoid having children.

grandfather shot himself
grandma to diabetes
grandma on dad's side to breast cancer
best friend from high school jumped off a bridge
dad shot himself
mom got in a car crash, died on impact
i dont even know how to start over
just feels like i have nobody. all my old friends i lost contact with after moving cross country
some online friends, but they dont actually know me.

maybe ill follow sooner than later. i dont feel long for this world

How was losing a close friend to suicide?

My dog when I was 13 or 14. I really loved him, it was a big, nice dog that we had since I was maybe 4 or 5. He died during a cruise with my parents, but I wasn't there.
I learned it by my brother before I went to school one morning. I paused for a second, asked a question I can't remember, something like "did they put him down or did he die by himself?". He told me they put him down. I just replied "oh", felt sad and numb, and went to school. I thought a bit about it during the day but never cried him.

My parrot and cat died when I was 15 and 17 I guess. I cried them.

Grandfather on mother side died a few months ago. From old age, in his sleep, peacefully, according to my grandmother. He was a quiet, extremely respectful (and respected) man who was very nice to his whole family. I spent almot all my summer vacations in their house until I was 16.
I learned it by my brother on the phone when I was at work. He was crying but I didn't cry, so I tried to say something to sound understanding. I immediately got back to work, even joked with my colleagues.
I called my mother during my lunch break. She was crying a lot, and I could hear my father cry in the background. I didn't cry, and didn't know what to say either, but that was not different from every time I had my family on the phone.
Then I called my girlfriend to tell her, and this time I cried. I didn't feel more sad than with the others; it was just the fact that I had to tell it I think. After hanging up I wiped my eyes and went back to work as normal.
I didn't go to his funeral. My whole family, uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, parents, were there. I told them I couldn't come because of a very important incoming project I couldn't fail, which was half true. My brother called me when everyone was in my granpa's house, to let me talk to my family. They were all so sorry for me I couldn't come, they were sure I felt so bad for not being able to be there with them, how it must have been hard for me to live that alone. They were all crying on the phone, but I wasn't. I couldn't feel anything but anger, as their call lasted for a long time. And as always, I didn't really have anything to say.
I never cried him afterwards either. My gf even told me I was rude, insensitive and selfish for that.
I still don't know why I didn't go to the funeral, or why I didn't really cry him.
Every time I talk to my family I feel like they hate me because I didn't share that moment with them.

best friend hung himself 12 years ago. Brilliant man, whould've gone on to do great things.

But even so...sometimes I wonder if he had the right idea. Like he knew something that the rest of us didn't.

>>5467
I don't know how to explain it or go about it but I haven't been able to love someone or something ever since I was a kid, I was about 8 years old at the time and my dog had just died her name was Blassy. similar to the old Yeller stories but she was a black coat dog that had the face that anyone could love, that kind of dog that would sleep in your bed and be very kind to anyone approaching. Well when she died something broke inside me and I can't or I'm not able to love something like I did that dog. I can't even say that I love my parents, brothers, or sister as I loved that dog. R.I.P Blassy

>>5956
We all know it, it's just easier to get distracted from it as time goes on.

>>5467
I've lost too many to care anymore so i'll just keep it to the interesting ones.

my cousin died from a combination of leukemia and a host vs graft disease. the interesting part was i was the best blood type match for her and they said my blood would give her her best odds of living a cancer free life. well as you can guess by the name of the second disease, turns out my blood ended up being what killed her. i was in the room with her as she died and will never forget the look she had in her blood filled eyes. no horror movie can make me uneasy after seeing that, especially because it made me feel like I killed her even.

my uncle died in a motorcycle accident in which he was flung off his bike and was impaled and sliced open by a stop sign. he lived long enough for the emt crew to get to the scene and put him in the ambulance. he died only moments later from blood loss.

had another uncle who died in a gas explosion and looked like skywalker's unlce owen.

had a girlfriend shoot herself in front of me after we had a huge fight about weather or not I was a real man. her last words before she pulled the trigger were "A real man would have pulled the gun away from me and not worry about getting shot"

last one i think is of some interest was a friend of mine who hung himself because he was gay and i rejected him after he opened up to me and ask me if i would fuck him. i felt so bad for that because as fate would have i discovered later in life that i am bisexual.

>>5971

Yeah..perhaps you're right.
He just wasn't having it, I suppose.
Sometimes it angers me, that he did that.
Sometimes I envy him, for no longer having to be in pain.

>had a girlfriend shoot herself in front of me after we had a huge fight about weather or not I was a real man. her last words before she pulled the trigger were "A real man would have pulled the gun away from me and not worry about getting shot"

I hate people who kill themselves to make a point -- because they don't send the message they think. With suicide, death is the only message they send.
~
To those who survive, the real questions raised by their suicide are: do I care about this person's death? Do I care about the life this person had? Was their suicide helpful to those still alive?
~
Suicide is too often pointless.

>had a girlfriend shoot herself in front of me after we had a huge fight about weather or not I was a real man. her last words before she pulled the trigger were "A real man would have pulled the gun away from me and not worry about getting shot"

Suicide is the logical conclusion of a guilt tripping girlfriend.

If she had been a strong woman, she wouldn't have emotionally blackmailed those who love her into fixing her own d*mn problems.

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My brother.

He killed himself (by hanging) after he found his girlfriend cheating on him. He had just quit doing drugs and was a few weeks sober. He msged me that morning telling me how proud he was that he sobered up.

I woke up to the text but had to work and was still tired so I went back to sleep. Then I woke up to our good friend banging on my window. Then she told me what had happened.

I haven't been the same since.

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>>5476
I had to put my cat patsy down a few weeks or months back. I dont remember, I was drinking a lot then. And now. She had a tumor in her mouth . It broke something in me, watching her get drugged and looking into her eyes and feeling her body as she got the final injection and died.
I sometimes think she's nearby, like when I'm walking where she would walk next to me. Idk.
I'm sorry for your loss, anon. It fucking sucks. I hope they dont exist anymore so they're not in any pain.

>>5956

Why was he brilliant? Like... what great things do you see him having achieved had he not chosen to commit suicide?

grandfather, old age.
last time my sister saw him was 3 weeks prior, at least she got one last chance to see him, my last chance to see him was unconscious and being stripped by the nurses.

grandfather, other side of family
due to family issues i never see my moms side
my grandfather on her side is not my biological grandfather, when my mother told 8 year old me this i never again saw him as my grandfather. last time i saw him was when i was 10. i was 17 when he died, and it took me that long to realize that even though not biological, he still was my grandfather and cared for me, i just wish i realized it sooner

best friend
a kid i grew up with due to our parents being long time friends
into his teen years (older than me by 3 years) he became rebelious, moved in with his mom, did drugs. he had a life long heart condition, he needed a second heart replacement but couldnt get it due to the drugs he did. the i went from the time i was 10 when he moved in with his mom. next time i saw him was when i was 16. a few months later he was gone.

finally a family friend
i dont know him, but he knew me
he was a firefighter, same as my parents
when i was just born, he would push me around in a stroller and play with me. when i was around 3 months or so, he died in a house fire.

A man named Evan. he was a friend I roomed with in college. I'm extremely introverted, but he was one of those people you could talk to about just about anything. He struggled to find meaning I think, and his meaning was meaningful relationship with a woman. He found a girlfriend when I was his roommate, but she was literally a prostitute. They were in a "open" relationship, but this was only for her benefit, Evan would never sleep with anyone else because he loved her too much I think. I lived with 3 other dudes, and she fucked every single one of them, I never did but I was tempted.

He graduated and went to Ft Benning to finish his officer training and shot himself in the head on the range. I never knew exactly why, but I think she had a part in it. Outside of his family and 1 friend I told, I don't think anyone knows how he died.

>>5509
Jesus, I woulda tracked her down and killed her. Women need to stay out of politics and motor vehicles.

>>6125
Die.

>>6129
Everyone does.

I don't agree with >>6125's sentiment about women, but if you read >>5509's story, I think you can understand the murderous rage of >>5562, >>5689, and he.

That particular bitch's transition to the afterlife requires acceleration.

I'd also say any human being in the habit of speeding on the highway without looking where they are going is asking for an expedited trip to the other side, regardless of if they arrange it themselves in an accident or if its arranged for them after they somehow walk away from the people they killed.

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My mom died from COPD related to smoking.

She was doing really well, on treatment, off her ventilator and everything; after having been admitted for specialized treatment. She was sent back to her assisted living facility and was there for 6 hours and, apparently, went into cardiac arrest.

When she did the nurses where on shift change at the time so they didn't find her for twenty minutes. By the time they did find her it was too late. They resuscitated her but the damage was done. CT Scans reviled massive brain damage from lack of oxygen.

I made the call to pull the plug on my beloved mother may 12 2019. Mothers day.

The worst part is I couldn't even be there to watch her die as I moved out of state to better my life prior this. She didn't die alone, but, I got too drunk the day she died and I wasn't on the phone when she did die....I was passed out drunk when she passed away....I really hate myself for that and I beat myself up everyday for it.

I miss my mom, a lot.

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انا حزين من اجلك كثيرا يمكنك ان تعتبرني اخ لك

z died of a heart condition. c died in a helicopter crash. e, j, j's hot girlfriend died in car wrecks with alcohol involved. g shot herself in the head. l was killed by family. and i'll never forget j- who died in a plane crash on the way to visit her dad.

thanks for the thread. i really needed to say that to someone.

x died from heroin overdose when i was in 4th grade, sucked considering they were my parental figure for my life

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I miss you mom.

My grandfather died when i was 15. Brain Cancer. The last person on this planet that I could trust. Everyone else only wants something out of me. He was just always happy to see me. I used to draw a lot when I was a kid and he would look over my shoulder to watch me create something. I always felt embarrassed about my artwork and I wish I would have not been so mean about "asking" him to leave me alone, because it's been 18 years and I really am alone. Asperger's will do that for ya. This came at a time in my life before he died where I had watched my aunt Sally take her last breath to brain cancer, my scout master was killed in a car accident, and my mothers boy friend killed himself in our house and we lived there for at least another year and a half before we lost it due to not paying the mortgage. I tend to only need 3 to 5 days to get over the death of anyone now. Sometime two or three hard cries will suffice.

My great grandmother died sometime in 2006 from old age when i was around 6 or 7. The thing that hurt about it was that no one told me. I was just playing hide and seek with a cousin and just managed to walk into where they had her open coffin. If I had been told about it rather than running in and seeing her dead then I don't think it wouldn't have messed with me the way it did.

My Dad died sometime before I was born. From what my grandparents know, he got into a fight with some black guys for some unknown reason. He kicked their asses and they found where he lived and shot the place up. He was sleeping on his couch and was killed. My grandparents only found out about me after he was dead.

My dad's side of the family did come and visit only one time but never came back. I don't know why and I'm not sure if I care. Maybe they could have been great people or maybe dogshit. Seeing as how they decided to have nothing to do with me I'm leaning toward the latter.

I've never asked my mom who my dad was. Half because I'm not sure if I even want to know and push myself to connect with the other half of my family that could be awful. The other half being because I'm not particularly close with my mother and any sort of emotional or personal discussion just feels uncomfortable and a bit unnerving to me. One of these discussions being when I came out to her as a faggot and she almost immediately assumed my boyfriend was a pedophile just because I mentioned he was older than me(he's only 2 months older) and urged me to cut him off and stop talking to him.

So to say the least I'm not too sure how to feel about things but it's definitely not positive.

My girlfriend died of drug overdose. The medics resuscitated her but she had been without oxygen for too long and had had a brain hemorrhage. I visited her in the hospital as she was on life-support to say goodbye (I don't know if she could hear me), and her parents pulled the plug.

>>6475
wow, that's the most fucked up thing I ever heard.

No treatment! REMEMBER NO TREATMENT STAY HOME STAY AWAY FROM LOVED ONES,

NO TREATMENT

NO TREATMENT

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>>5467
my dad died of heroin overdose when i was about 1, i dont have any memories of him

>>5467
My great grandmother 2 years ago.
We all saw her death coming but she fell out of her bed at the nursing home. We think she might have been molested by staff or something.

My sort-of step-brother had this family friend named Max. He was a great guy, he was funny, everyone liked him. He shot himselff with a revolver because his family wouldn't let him see his kids because they thought he was still using drugs. This still messes my family up though we weren't as close to him as our sort-of step-brother was.
Sorry I'm using my phone.

>>5467
My Grandfather had tons of health issues and was over weight.
On top of that he got cancer. They said he had a pretty good chance
of survival but those other issues didn't help. He was the one to
get me into computing and radio. I wish I spent more time with him.
Mom pulled me out of school for a day and took us to the hospital
where would be our last time seeing him. He had a very rough life.