/grim/ - Cold, Grim & Miserable

Homelessness and Wandering the States Eeyore 22/11/26(Sat)10:12 No. 6905 ID: 024284

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Real quick, I'm a schizophrenic NEET on disability but because Murica I do not make enough to live off of on my own. I've always had to take roommates to share the rent with, and because most people don't do that for free, it's usually a romantic partner I move in with. Because I'm vulnerable and stupid, I end up falling for a person who hurts me, or even starts beating me and insulting me just to put me down. So I run away. I call a friend somewhere else in the States who can move me somewhere else, and then it starts again. I meet a person, they hurt me, I leave.

You get the point, basically. Medicaid is state based, so when you move elsewhere, you need to reapply for that state's version of Medicaid. As I've already been to half the states in the country, and already moved twice this year, it's been very hard to keep my medical benefits steady (they can take up to 100 days to approve an applicant after the forms are filled out or, if you have SSI, respond to a change of address.)

I can't get my meds right now so it's harder and harder to go outside, I can barely get food, and might be moving again in another few months too.

My family says they're willing to house and feed me and take care of the cost of my medicine, but the only stipulation is that I cannot bring anyone home with me. The problem with this is that I'm extremely codependent, too broken to live for my own sake, so I need someone to lean on and be my purpose. But after 6 or 7 consecutive relationships that turned abusive, I'm really just thinking there isn't much hope for me living comfortably, or doing anything other than struggling like an animal every day to survive.

Are there any other diagnosed schizophrenics here whose conditions are severely disabling? If so, I'd love to know how you're all getting by, because I'm having a really tough time out here. (pic unrelated, just a drawing I did when I moved here)

Eeyore 22/11/30(Wed)13:17 No. 6914 ID: cfd7be

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I'm not a full blown skito but it runs in my family and I have had vivid experiences where I have hear voices. Only a handful of times but I think this could be the onset of my genetic predispostion to it, anywho; I'll tell you what every therapist has told me: Change the narrative you tell yourself. It seems lame but it really is the only thing that truly works. Read some stoics like Marcus Aurelius and learn how to control your reactions to your emotions better because the truth is that the world is a cold and dark place and doesn't give a shit about you or anyone and will do everything in its power to try and kill you and will if you let it.

You are a meaningless spec floating through an infinite cosmos. Just choose to be ok the best you can. I understand what its like to be on food stamps and be codependent with an abusive partner and that is what has helped me regain my independence. That and an insatiable thirst for the truth and this is what I have come to realize. Good luck.

Eeyore 22/12/21(Wed)03:54 No. 6924 ID: 612e19

We've met. Maybe not you, but somebody just like you. We were friends for a while, and you helped me through a tough time. I want nothing more than to go back to that, and repay it. I can work again with the meds I'm taking, I have a house and health insurance. But she's gone, and I'm alone. Maybe the answer is to trust your family. Let the co-dependence fall through until you are hopeless and all you have is them to protect you from yourself. Because everybody is somebody's everything. Nobody is nothing. I love you anon.