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Dear K, if you ever, some how, by chance, find this.

I am sorry that things turned out the way they did.
I know deep down inside you don't believe this shit you said and things you said. You did what you had to do to protect the life you had worked so hard to establish for yourself.
I don't blame you.
I should have said no. I should have stopped the drinking sooner than I did. I should have done a lot of things.
It's been a few years now. Years spent with out my soul mate. The same flame that kindled my heart and warmed my cold and jaded reality. Remember when we first met and we used to walk around town together? I'd meet you after school. We'd go smoke and hide it from your dad...We'd go to the store with your moms boyfriend. We'd ride around in the back of his truck singing Queen. I still to this day can remember exactly what you were wearing the first day I saw you. It's so vivid. I knew it was love at first sight.

We spent over a decade together. While it never went quite the way I thought it would I wouldn't trade any of it. Not a single frame, or, iot of time with you would I give away for anything. Life with out you has been shallow and empty and pointless. I find myself spending most of my days alone now. There have been other women, but, none can replace you. No one will ever be able to replace you.

You have a kid now, I can't decide if he looks enough like me, or, your boyfriend to attempt to demand a paternity test. This is just me screaming into the void, but, what happened between us is probably the single largest regret I have in life. Even though you did me the way you did, I still wish nothing but th best for you. I won't be around much longer. I've decided life is no longer worth living. I can't contiue to parse through this reality attempting to rebuild what we worked over 10 years to create. No love in this world can ever replace yours. I've tried to move on. I've tried other women, but, they're all just shallow and vapid. None of them think like you.
Walk like you.
Talk like you.
Move like you.
Look like you.

I miss you more than I have missed anyone just short of my own mother.
Remember that time we were doing all that fake weed and I got so high I hallucinated? Remember what I said? Haha, you always loved telling that story. I was always so embarrassed by it. You knew that, but, you thought that was cute, didn't you? I was screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of the night I Was so freaked out and high. When you touched my hand though and started talking to me all of that went away. I snapped out of it.
You were my center, my everything.
I'm sorry I destroyed something so beautiful and pure as the love we shared with eachother.

I would give anything to have you back holding my hand again. Whispering in my ear that things are going to be ok.

I'm sorry.