-  [WT]  [PS]  [Home] [Manage]

[Return]
Posting mode: Reply
  1.   (reply to 17563)
  2.   Help
  3. (for post and file deletion)
/sci/ - Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics

Join us in IRC!

•This is not /b/ or /halp/. Tech support has its own board.
•If you are not contributing directly to a thread, sage your post.
•Keep the flaming at a minimum.
•Tripcodes⁄Namefags are not only tolerated here, they are encouraged.
•We are here to discuss sci-tech, not pseudoscience. Do not post off-topic.

•♥ Integris


  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG, WEBM
  • Maximum file size allowed is 5120 KB.
  • Images greater than 200x200 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • Currently 742 unique user posts. View catalog

  • Blotter updated: 2018-08-24 Show/Hide Show All

We are in the process of fixing long-standing bugs with the thread reader. This will probably cause more bugs for a short period of time. Buckle up.

Movies & TV 24/7 via Channel7: Web Player, .m3u file. Music via Radio7: Web Player, .m3u file.

WebM is now available sitewide! Please check this thread for more info.

A Typical Elon Musk Day...but it could take place at another tech company. Mr Musk 21/05/22(Sat)08:10 No. 17563 ID: eed8a3
17563

File 162166384182.jpg - (89.07KB , 1200x600 , locked.jpg )

A Typical Elon Musk Day...but it could take place at another tech company.
THE TESLA >> GOOD MORNING E-MAIL THREAD:

Telsa Software Developer: Good morning team, Elon did not like that it took his model S 17 minutes to get to the car factory from his house last month. So I built him a rocket ship. It takes 10 minutes off his commute and only burns $100,000 of fuel each way. Operations, we need a voice activated rocket landing pad on the factory's roof quickly as this is an expensive project.

Telsa Operations Manager: Hello sir, this is the first I heard of this, I just spoke to my engineers, and if you land that massive rocket on the roof, they are 100% certain the entire building will collapse, killing us all. Have a great day.


Telsa Architecture Manager: Team, we architected that elevated personal super highway for Elon last month it cost 90 billion, but I will see what else we can do. We do need a few months to think about rocket landing pads before designing the most elegant thing possible otherwise it will be too easy to implement, and we can't have that.

Telsa DevOps: We have an AI electric helicopter for Elon, it will take 5 minutes off his commute and does not use any fuel as it runs on solar power. We told quality control to look at the windshield, and it is bug-free literally. Give us 2 years and we can take another minute off of his commute by tweaking the helicopter pipeline.

Telsa UX: Sorry, DevOps, behavioral science tells us Elon likes rockets because of the little red on one on his childhood lunch box.

Data Science/AI Manager: Team, our predictive models show, If the rocket lands on the roof, it will take ~5 seconds, not 6 seconds, for the building to collapse and burst into a giant ball of fire. We are 99.3347534% sure of that, accounting for wind speed and 10,000 other variables. My PHD's do worry about sample size in our AI algorithms (Ivy league Doctorates worry about everything) ... so they are asking a few rich princes they met on the dark web to donate their spare space rockets for experiments. All we have to do is send each prince $100 dollars for rocket shipping and we can improve our machine learning by a factor of 6.43.

Elon Musk: Team, I am going to be late to work, I have been busy pumping and dumping bitcoin from my new rocket, and there is no time to read e-mails when I have crypto on the brain. Let's talk once I get to work, my red rocket will be landing on the factory roof in just a second see you all then.

Telsa Car Factory Manager: Hello finance, should I tell the assembly robots to evacuate the assembly line humans or the humans to evacuate the robots? What costs less? Please send a cost analysis. Have a great day.

Later that day.....after the big explosion...another set of e-mails are sent...

Telsa Investors Relations: Hello team, good thing Elon was able to voice activate his ejection seat. However, since the factory is destroyed we blame Car Quality Management. Finance was doing the right thing by loading his rocket up with extra satellites that is cost savings at its finest. Go accounting! Please remember feathers are cheaper than steal.

Telsa Car Quality Manager: Okay team, Why do you always blame us? What rocket e-mail? Our analysis using our fantastic skateboard tools is that the satellites aboard the rocket are what caused the massive explosion. While walking around, quality control found 1092 dead bugs sitting on the burnt factory floor. We are awesome we found 1092 bugs.

Telsa Security Manager: Hello Quality, what kind of bugs did you find? This could of been an angry ant terrorist attack. Team, we warned you about those in our 40,000-page audit report. On page 30,001 it clearly states Ants=equal explosions. Also, who gave quality control permission to look directly at the floor? We only gave you rights to walk, not look. I am calling in a forensic team to investigate all the recent walking and looking incidents. Security is job number one. Remember walk but don't look.

Telsa Site Reliability Engineering Manager: Hello team, here is the Post-mortem: A rocket carrying 50 satellites crashed landed on the roof vaporizing 1000 people. Car factory uptime is now at zero %. It was just so very sad robot arms and robot legs everywhere poor robots. Wait what I am thinking, humans and their errors to be exact 100 robot arms and 100 robot legs. We deeply regret the loss of any factory floor assembly robots and personally apologize to circuit boards everywhere. We have not altered our mission to save the planet by building millions of batteries.

Disaster Recovery Manager: Hey team, we found the rocket audio file a person said "stop car now abort..shit I mean little red rocket abort landing..little red spaceship abort landing??...oh well eject please......bitcoin too the moon" Does this help? More importantly, please kindly tell all your dead employees to return their calls ASAP, this is not a drill the expectation is that all employees (including the dead ones) will come into the factory over the weekend and start fixing cars around the clock per the approved Disaster recovery plan. This is why we plan folks. Stick to the plan it was approved by executive management. I don't want to hear any excuses like "that explosion burned downed my home and all my kids are all dead". We have a plan to follow. Let's save the planet by building millions of batteries. Remember the mission.

Telsa Marketing Manager: Today's press release is the following "In a single day super genius Elon Musk converts an old car factory into a satellite office all by himself". Elon is so kind after dumping his crypto he warned people it was a hustle so he could buy back in later. In a Telsa company meeting he also told his employees to stop all worrying that he will always be just fine. That is great leadership"


>>
SamanthaFix 22/03/02(Wed)11:16 No. 18169 ID: f9af09

I think he has a big future


>>
Satan 22/05/02(Mon)22:35 No. 18265 ID: 108569

You stalking Elon Musk through his devices?
And Grimes is trying to kill him?


>>
Anonymous 22/12/02(Fri)22:43 No. 18393 ID: 1c6e63

Youtube  >>17563
Strangely prophetic. And check this out! Doesn't get any more authoritarian-cultish than this.



[Return] [Entire Thread] [Last 50 posts]



Delete post []
Password  
Report post
Reason