>>846132
Step 1, stop ingesting and parroting /pol/faggot bullshit. You're way too mentally ill for that. There's not enough space in your brain to also accommodate all that extra trash.

Step 2, stop being so retarded about being "normal" and what is or isn't "normal."

Step 3, consider for even just one single moment that maybe you are in fact some kind of faggot, even just a little tiny bit. Seriously, the fact that completely unprompted you have to add so many disclaimers of how REALLY NOT GAY I PROMISE you are reads as a cry for help.

Start with those, it'll probably take you a while.

>>846133
I mean the disclaimers are just because the attention spans of people now are like 2.5 seconds or something so I assumed everyone would just post something about faggotry or whatever instead of reading

>>846133
>stop being so retarded about being "normal" and what is or isn't "normal."
I have a weird and fucked up life, I look at completely average people and feel the kind of envy people get looking at celebrities because my life is so weird and warped.

>>846137
Kafka nigger

How old are you? You shouldn't envy normal people even though I understand what you're talking about. Trust me, even though I've never been one, I know pretty damn confidently that it's no escape. Normal people's lives are a tragedy even if it doesn't look so on the surface. Trust me. I've been extremely weird up to around 21 or so and for the last 10 years or so I've lived a semi-normal life, some would say an extremely privileged and great life, but bro, it's just not that. If you have borne weird, The only Way Forward is through it, not around it. Some people can pull it off, trust me, I mean everybody's journey is individual, but from what I've gathered, if you're quirky or unique or whatever, if you try to suppress that shit, first of all you deprive others of your beauty and second of all, you'll get even more fucked up. I know it sounds tempting to think that oh but why can't I have these normal things etc, but at the end of the day, you have to accept the cards you have been given.

And anyway, your description of your problem is very abstract and to be honest I don't even see a problem with any of it.

Like what do you actually want to do with being manly or whatever? Is it because you want a girlfriend and you think that they want a manly man? That's fair. But other than that, I don't understand what's your problem. Feminine energy and masculine energy are both dope as fuck and you can embrace whichever regardless of your biological sex. People get these things mixed up. It doesn't mean you have to dress a certain way or act a certain way it's more about the energies that you express. Are you more intentional and structured in your life or are you more vibey and flowing and accepting of whatever comes your way. For example the dude from The Big Lebowski is a feminine figure even though nobody would mistake him for not being a man. Anyway, you sound like you're genuine, so I'm writing to you, but honestly, I had real fucking issues, well, I guess even mine would have been hard to describe, but for example extreme sadness is something that even though most people cannot fathom, at least they can get the idea that it's something that's, you know, might be a problem. I'm lacking you pointing out what exactly your problem is or is it just that you feel weird and you somehow label weirdness a bad thing which it is not by the way.

If anything, for example all the weird girls, the autistic girls are like 10 times more sexy than the neurotypical. Well, I know that girls are generally a bit more shallower when it comes to personality picking, but God damn I'm ranting for so long hopefully this message at least a little bit resonates with you.

>>846139
The big issue is any interaction with more feminine energy leads me towards delusions and suicidal ideas.
Its deeply unhealthy for me to interact with it because I'll inevitably regress into my headspace I was at when I was a teenager and had this delusion of hearing a sort of like female demon/spirit's voice saying she loves and the idea of killing myself and waking up in a fantasy world and getting married to the spirit girl and going on adventures, it functions alot like a addiction where I can just get a peek at a character like this and immediately "relapse" back to the idea of killing myself so I don't get old and ugly, I had this "nightmare" recently of waking up older with chest hair and a more athletic build and I felt a genuine sense of loss and sadness at it.
But I never reach the point of actually killing myself because the part of me that wants to be normal and masculine will pop up in my head and tell me no when I start genuinely imagining ACK-ing myself.

This is a super gay fucking thread.

>>846142
If you actually read it, you would know OP explicitly stated they're not gay

>>846141
>>846141
You replied to my post yet you ignored my questions and points. I guess you are kinda like a female afterall.

Although, I'll be honest with you, if you don't want to live in a fantasy, which is by the way one of the best things you can do, but if for whatever reason you want to be more focused on physical reality, you'll have no choice but to embrace your masculine qualities.

But hey, it's up to you. There's no correct way to live a life.

Now as for your fantasy making you want to kill yourself, well, my opinions on that may not be politically correct. But I find that a little bit strange. I guess stay away from the disociative drugs, you may like them too much. Although it seems your plenty capable of creating your fantasies and even hallucinations all on your own.

Still you fail to point out what exactly causes u distress

Actually I take that back. Go ahead and become like the rest of the colorless grey mass. At least it might motivate me enough to kill myself sooner.

It really puts in perspective when the elites extract adrenochrome and do all of the other pointless stupid shit. At least it makes it exciting enough to where they don't feel like they want to kill themselves living among you all. I'd honestly rather watch someone go on a rampage. Oh, but muh kids, but muh wifey, FUCK your kids, FUCK your wife, I hope y'all get raped by a band of niggers.

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>>846150
>Although, I'll be honest with you, if you don't want to live in a fantasy, which is by the way one of the best things you can do, but if for whatever reason you want to be more focused on physical reality, you'll have no choice but to embrace your masculine qualities.

Yeah thats what I've been trying to do but it just doesn't... "click"
Because my brain just got so accustomed to seeing myself as a fucking cartoon character for some reason, its hard to get away from the delusions when everytime you think in your head "I need to go do (thing)" you hear and see a character thing talk and not your actual voice.

>>846150
>Still you fail to point out what exactly causes u distress
The issue is Im stuck in this limbo state, I'll have a good month or week of being more intouch with reality and acting as a normal guy then have a bad experience with something and I'll get this urge to comfort myself the way I used to and then I'm back to square one, or sometimes I just see men older than me with balding spots and wrinkles and they are so "gross" I feel my delusions creep up telling to go off myself before I lose my youth.

But Im in limbo because I never fully act on either, I never commit to the masculine self enough to get rid of these thoughts and toughen up, and I never commit to the insane "Off yourself to become your fursona" delusions because the other part of me intervenes before it gets bad enough.

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>>846157
Getting old, losing youth and especially - losing health is a valid concern. I'm lucky, I never had it. Well, I mean I had youth, still have, but I never had health. So I guess my math maths a little bit differently, but yeah dude, those are very valid thoughts. The guy in the pic actually did exactly that, which I actually think is a valid path, I'm not going to judge it, he offed himself before he got old. A Japanese writer, well, I think he also was a revolution starter and so on, but he was manly as fuck I would say. Choosing seppuku as your way out alone is pretty manly I would say.

But I also get your other side interfering. I mean, suicide ultimately is a pretty big decision. And to base it on a complete fantasy, well that is valid, but I get the mechanics of why the other part of you interferes. Because you'll always have that doubt in your mind that perhaps there's more validity to your thoughts that account for something based in physical reality. Like somehow it is more valid, I mean you'll always have that creep in.

But I think you have a false dichotomy here. To commit to your masculine side does not mean "getting rid of these thoughts" as you put it. I think you have a real unhealthy way of looking at it. Fantasy worlds are the best fucking worlds my nigga. You don't get rid of fantasies by becoming a man. I don't care what fantasies. Cartoon character or fucking whatever. I actually once met an alien who was a cartoon character, so it's not even fucking that uncommon. You're probably from another civilization that are these cartoon characters I'm not saying the same that I met but, ur simply attracted to that stuff and that's fine.

But anyway, I get why you are distressed. Because you're not satisfied in the in between State and the longer you stay there, the closer you are to becoming gross yourself. Now you are in a privileged position where you're just worried about becoming that (I suppose by choosing to live life as a man you think that's what happens)(which is partially true, by committing to staying in physical reality, you will eventually see effects of time on your body), whereas if you stay in the limbo long enough, you will actually be that already. Probably, depends on how you take care of yourself and for how long you stay. If you're young enough, I would argue you still have some years to squeeze out something worthwhile out of it. Life is not something that is supposed to be held on to, but rather utilized as a bonus and the gift I would say. Yeah, if you have the mentality that you want to keep it forever or otherwise it's not worth living, then guess what it will never be worth living.

But anyway, in my opinion, you don't have to ditch all of the fantasies in order to be or express also your manly side.
I for example sometimes see myself as a godlike warlord (even though I've never killed anyone in my life) and walk around as such and feel it in my bones and in my body yet carry on living a "normal" life. I think it would work the same if you hear yourself and see yourself as a cartoon but carry on creating whatever you want and whatever is reasonable enough to keep you well and alive and perhaps not create too much chaos around you. In my case, even though I channel that energy, I don't act on thoughts like start a war or kill all those people, it's more subtle, it's the way I for example interact with you, but I together with this try to stay very calm and Serene which kind of dulls the more dangerous aspects of having this attitude. Anyway, but this is not about me I'm just trying to give you some counter points.. Unless the cartoon voices literally tell you to disengage from physical reality. Then I see why it's impossible to choose that path, because the more you embrace it, the more they will tell you to off yourself as soon as possible before you get old or whatever. I'm not sure exactly how it works in your head. By the way how old are you?

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>>846161
>Unless the cartoon voices literally tell you to disengage from physical reality. Then I see why it's impossible to choose that path, because the more you embrace it, the more they will tell you to off yourself as soon as possible before you get old or whatever.

Thats exactly the problem, if I interact or "humor" the thoughts at all it always leads to me self isolating and seriously considering ending it, but as I said its DEEPLY ingrained and built into my mind so I have started asking for advice in hopes someone can point me to how to just accept reality as a normal flesh and blood guy, because I spent so many years in delusion as a teen thinking I'd get whisked away to 2d furry wonderland and live happily ever after that I genuinely feel like the normal human form in reality illicits a aversion response from me, I've been working on fixing this but I just can't quite get my brain to accept the idea of being a normal flesh and blood guy and not a hyper cutesified fursona thing like this that my brain sees me as for some reason.

The thing about my particular kind of autism is I have to be in "modes" for things, I can't passively enjoy a cute character from something like this art for example as my mind basically forces me to either feel nothing for it and go do something normal/manly or develop a unhealthy obsession with it and start fantasizing about becoming like it and getting weird delusions about waking up one morning in it's world, I can't enjoy a normal "guy" thing like a shooter game without feeling like I need to remove all the feminine parts of myself and go live on a ranch with a beard and die as a grandpa, and I can't really go back and forth between these "modes" theres time where I'll see in my minds eye a sort of struggle between 2 versions of myself and then the one that wins tends to be tied to which of the 2 "modes" im in

I find the effeminate cartoon thing in my mind is the most negative of the 2 because it tells me to do crazy shit like try to talk to spirits or off myself before I get old whereas the part of me that wants to be 100% macho man tells me to eat healthy work out try to have a property and marry a nice lady someday etc, I want the dudebro part of me to win but the retarded autist part of me that wants to an-hero so it can get isekai'd to furry wonderland is just so deeply ingrained that even when I consciously am working against it still dominates my thoughts and actions and suppresses the masculine part of myself, if I do something like play a game with a char creator I always unconsciously make my avatar more androgynous or youthful looking than most people would design theirs

Im in very young adult but not teenage range without getting specific, I've set myself a deadline that I need to resolve this stuff until im 28 in which case I intend to just commit suicide to cease the constant back and forth and decision making since if im 28 and still doing this it means im just a lost cause.

>>846132
>I wanna preface this by saying im NOT a troon and NEVER will be and I personally know for a fact im not gay

You have to be trolllaloling
That statement is just :-
>confession through projection

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>>846165
Is just cuz ppl have short attention span so most who skim through the post will assume its about trooning out or gay stuff when its really just about a unhealthy coping mechanism

>>846166

Okay you right I'm not going to read it or the rest of the thread. Just remember people think what I said and not even post it

Laters anon, oh just read yours quickly.
My school made a scapegoat every year, we were close to suicidal, yet strangely unlike the rest of our country. We grew tougher, maybe a bit meaner. Not suicidal unless you count all the times we were attacked by gangs, then that was more the nature of survival to be honest.
When say we, I mean I meet a younger anon same school same old story. That school produces one a year.
Up and down our country a comedian tells a joke about the bullied kid. In the south they laugh when tells them the kill himself, in the north they go AHH, and sigh. Where i and the other are from we grow stronger ever very second.
Just buckle up, you ain't dead yet. So say it with me fuck'em

>>846164
I believe you

Could have chosen cuter characters tho? Altho I'm a dude so cute girls always win for me. But it seems like also for all the artists regardless of male or female - anime *girls* is where it's at. I mean some guys do guys, but a very small minority.

Are you bi? Also does all these fantasies have anything to do with sexuality or is it just the cute and innocent vibe for you?

>that even when I consciously am working against it still dominates
Obviously haven't done many psychedelic drugs, cuz you would have learned some things. This is not how it works bro. If you fight against something it's the same as invoking it. You give it energy, whether affirmative or trying to deny it or suppress it, you're giving it energy. You've got to own it. And then simply make a choice whether or not you want to embrace that in your life and if you don't and you're honest with yourself you simply put your attention on things that you are more interested in or passionate about. And do it on a moment by moment basis, otherwise how could you be honest with yourself? It might take a little bit of self-examination, but the alternative is making purely a cerebral decision and then having its surface one way or another anyway because you were dishonest internally.

But if I'm going to be completely honest with you, I think your autism might be your superpower. You just don't know how to wield it yet. I don't know how it can serve you, but I'm pretty sure that it can.

I could point out more places where you write about it in a way that doesn't sound healthy at all in terms of your attitudes, but hey if you're in your early twenties, you're allowed to be dumb about it. It's just that is going to cause you a little bit of pain if you keep framing these things in these negative ways and I understand that you are not aware of alternatives, but you know, dig around in your mind a little bit. Don't make it too dramatic, try to meditate a bit as you contemplate it. Don't jump to conclusions, allow answers to come up naturally.

I happen to be mostly the manly man already in my early 30s... So for me it's not an option. I still have a teen build, but mostly because I'm tall and low fat... I suppose I'd like to hold on to this a bit longer but idk bro.. the cutsey teen looks was never even an option for me, I have a very masculine facial structure and build. But congrats if you still have that. Cute girls are a trip for sure. Cute guys... I wouldn't complain if I was one. Other than perhaps a lack of strength and speed. I love doing physical stuff and anything outdoors... Females have no idea what our bodies feel like... If you have the energy to train... I'm skinny and wiery and I still have powers that females can't even imagine let alone suspect... So there's pros and cons.

By the way is there anything else that you autistically obsess over besides this cartoon cute vibe reality characters and the real world masculine man idea?

>>846166
I feel paralyzed trying to reply to your retarded posts because there's just so much going on. Freud or Jung would have a field day with you, jesus christ. I'm just going to spew some general thoughts.

I want you to know that I mean this, this isn't just some offhanded shitpost or me saying something I know you won't like. This is what I think *after* reading *all* of your tripe, not just skimming over it. You're a fucking basket case. You're almost certainly a faggot of some kind. You need to get over your retarded personal hang-ups about that, stop the mental gymnastics and actually start the long process of figuring that out. Your chances of survival will rise considerably if you do.

I don't know if you're trans (you *do* sound gender dysphoric as fuck you fucking idiot, actually look into it) or gay or bi or whatever the fuck you are. But the sooner that you actually start coming to terms with that, the quicker you're going to find some peace with yourself and stop coming so close to """"ACK-ing"""" whenever you even vaguely entertain the idea.

I'm assuming you live in the USA because you wouldn't sound this retarded if you didn't. You can get therapy for free, you fucking mongoloid!! Do a couple fucking google searches, stop rambling about this shit on imageboards and start actually working on it with a medical professional.

>>846178
>I'm assuming you live in the USA because you wouldn't sound this retarded if you didn't
kekked

But I have to agree with the poster on this point. Maybe Canada, but certainly one of those two.