>>846132
Step 1, stop ingesting and parroting /pol/faggot bullshit. You're way too mentally ill for that. There's not enough space in your brain to also accommodate all that extra trash.

Step 2, stop being so retarded about being "normal" and what is or isn't "normal."

Step 3, consider for even just one single moment that maybe you are in fact some kind of faggot, even just a little tiny bit. Seriously, the fact that completely unprompted you have to add so many disclaimers of how REALLY NOT GAY I PROMISE you are reads as a cry for help.

Start with those, it'll probably take you a while.

>>846133
I mean the disclaimers are just because the attention spans of people now are like 2.5 seconds or something so I assumed everyone would just post something about faggotry or whatever instead of reading

>>846133
>stop being so retarded about being "normal" and what is or isn't "normal."
I have a weird and fucked up life, I look at completely average people and feel the kind of envy people get looking at celebrities because my life is so weird and warped.

>>846137
Kafka nigger

How old are you? You shouldn't envy normal people even though I understand what you're talking about. Trust me, even though I've never been one, I know pretty damn confidently that it's no escape. Normal people's lives are a tragedy even if it doesn't look so on the surface. Trust me. I've been extremely weird up to around 21 or so and for the last 10 years or so I've lived a semi-normal life, some would say an extremely privileged and great life, but bro, it's just not that. If you have borne weird, The only Way Forward is through it, not around it. Some people can pull it off, trust me, I mean everybody's journey is individual, but from what I've gathered, if you're quirky or unique or whatever, if you try to suppress that shit, first of all you deprive others of your beauty and second of all, you'll get even more fucked up. I know it sounds tempting to think that oh but why can't I have these normal things etc, but at the end of the day, you have to accept the cards you have been given.

And anyway, your description of your problem is very abstract and to be honest I don't even see a problem with any of it.

Like what do you actually want to do with being manly or whatever? Is it because you want a girlfriend and you think that they want a manly man? That's fair. But other than that, I don't understand what's your problem. Feminine energy and masculine energy are both dope as fuck and you can embrace whichever regardless of your biological sex. People get these things mixed up. It doesn't mean you have to dress a certain way or act a certain way it's more about the energies that you express. Are you more intentional and structured in your life or are you more vibey and flowing and accepting of whatever comes your way. For example the dude from The Big Lebowski is a feminine figure even though nobody would mistake him for not being a man. Anyway, you sound like you're genuine, so I'm writing to you, but honestly, I had real fucking issues, well, I guess even mine would have been hard to describe, but for example extreme sadness is something that even though most people cannot fathom, at least they can get the idea that it's something that's, you know, might be a problem. I'm lacking you pointing out what exactly your problem is or is it just that you feel weird and you somehow label weirdness a bad thing which it is not by the way.

If anything, for example all the weird girls, the autistic girls are like 10 times more sexy than the neurotypical. Well, I know that girls are generally a bit more shallower when it comes to personality picking, but God damn I'm ranting for so long hopefully this message at least a little bit resonates with you.

>>846139
The big issue is any interaction with more feminine energy leads me towards delusions and suicidal ideas.
Its deeply unhealthy for me to interact with it because I'll inevitably regress into my headspace I was at when I was a teenager and had this delusion of hearing a sort of like female demon/spirit's voice saying she loves and the idea of killing myself and waking up in a fantasy world and getting married to the spirit girl and going on adventures, it functions alot like a addiction where I can just get a peek at a character like this and immediately "relapse" back to the idea of killing myself so I don't get old and ugly, I had this "nightmare" recently of waking up older with chest hair and a more athletic build and I felt a genuine sense of loss and sadness at it.
But I never reach the point of actually killing myself because the part of me that wants to be normal and masculine will pop up in my head and tell me no when I start genuinely imagining ACK-ing myself.

This is a super gay fucking thread.

>>846142
If you actually read it, you would know OP explicitly stated they're not gay

>>846141
>>846141
You replied to my post yet you ignored my questions and points. I guess you are kinda like a female afterall.

Although, I'll be honest with you, if you don't want to live in a fantasy, which is by the way one of the best things you can do, but if for whatever reason you want to be more focused on physical reality, you'll have no choice but to embrace your masculine qualities.

But hey, it's up to you. There's no correct way to live a life.

Now as for your fantasy making you want to kill yourself, well, my opinions on that may not be politically correct. But I find that a little bit strange. I guess stay away from the disociative drugs, you may like them too much. Although it seems your plenty capable of creating your fantasies and even hallucinations all on your own.

Still you fail to point out what exactly causes u distress

Actually I take that back. Go ahead and become like the rest of the colorless grey mass. At least it might motivate me enough to kill myself sooner.

It really puts in perspective when the elites extract adrenochrome and do all of the other pointless stupid shit. At least it makes it exciting enough to where they don't feel like they want to kill themselves living among you all. I'd honestly rather watch someone go on a rampage. Oh, but muh kids, but muh wifey, FUCK your kids, FUCK your wife, I hope y'all get raped by a band of niggers.

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>>846150
>Although, I'll be honest with you, if you don't want to live in a fantasy, which is by the way one of the best things you can do, but if for whatever reason you want to be more focused on physical reality, you'll have no choice but to embrace your masculine qualities.

Yeah thats what I've been trying to do but it just doesn't... "click"
Because my brain just got so accustomed to seeing myself as a fucking cartoon character for some reason, its hard to get away from the delusions when everytime you think in your head "I need to go do (thing)" you hear and see a character thing talk and not your actual voice.

>>846150
>Still you fail to point out what exactly causes u distress
The issue is Im stuck in this limbo state, I'll have a good month or week of being more intouch with reality and acting as a normal guy then have a bad experience with something and I'll get this urge to comfort myself the way I used to and then I'm back to square one, or sometimes I just see men older than me with balding spots and wrinkles and they are so "gross" I feel my delusions creep up telling to go off myself before I lose my youth.

But Im in limbo because I never fully act on either, I never commit to the masculine self enough to get rid of these thoughts and toughen up, and I never commit to the insane "Off yourself to become your fursona" delusions because the other part of me intervenes before it gets bad enough.

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>>846157
Getting old, losing youth and especially - losing health is a valid concern. I'm lucky, I never had it. Well, I mean I had youth, still have, but I never had health. So I guess my math maths a little bit differently, but yeah dude, those are very valid thoughts. The guy in the pic actually did exactly that, which I actually think is a valid path, I'm not going to judge it, he offed himself before he got old. A Japanese writer, well, I think he also was a revolution starter and so on, but he was manly as fuck I would say. Choosing seppuku as your way out alone is pretty manly I would say.

But I also get your other side interfering. I mean, suicide ultimately is a pretty big decision. And to base it on a complete fantasy, well that is valid, but I get the mechanics of why the other part of you interferes. Because you'll always have that doubt in your mind that perhaps there's more validity to your thoughts that account for something based in physical reality. Like somehow it is more valid, I mean you'll always have that creep in.

But I think you have a false dichotomy here. To commit to your masculine side does not mean "getting rid of these thoughts" as you put it. I think you have a real unhealthy way of looking at it. Fantasy worlds are the best fucking worlds my nigga. You don't get rid of fantasies by becoming a man. I don't care what fantasies. Cartoon character or fucking whatever. I actually once met an alien who was a cartoon character, so it's not even fucking that uncommon. You're probably from another civilization that are these cartoon characters I'm not saying the same that I met but, ur simply attracted to that stuff and that's fine.

But anyway, I get why you are distressed. Because you're not satisfied in the in between State and the longer you stay there, the closer you are to becoming gross yourself. Now you are in a privileged position where you're just worried about becoming that (I suppose by choosing to live life as a man you think that's what happens)(which is partially true, by committing to staying in physical reality, you will eventually see effects of time on your body), whereas if you stay in the limbo long enough, you will actually be that already. Probably, depends on how you take care of yourself and for how long you stay. If you're young enough, I would argue you still have some years to squeeze out something worthwhile out of it. Life is not something that is supposed to be held on to, but rather utilized as a bonus and the gift I would say. Yeah, if you have the mentality that you want to keep it forever or otherwise it's not worth living, then guess what it will never be worth living.

But anyway, in my opinion, you don't have to ditch all of the fantasies in order to be or express also your manly side.
I for example sometimes see myself as a godlike warlord (even though I've never killed anyone in my life) and walk around as such and feel it in my bones and in my body yet carry on living a "normal" life. I think it would work the same if you hear yourself and see yourself as a cartoon but carry on creating whatever you want and whatever is reasonable enough to keep you well and alive and perhaps not create too much chaos around you. In my case, even though I channel that energy, I don't act on thoughts like start a war or kill all those people, it's more subtle, it's the way I for example interact with you, but I together with this try to stay very calm and Serene which kind of dulls the more dangerous aspects of having this attitude. Anyway, but this is not about me I'm just trying to give you some counter points.. Unless the cartoon voices literally tell you to disengage from physical reality. Then I see why it's impossible to choose that path, because the more you embrace it, the more they will tell you to off yourself as soon as possible before you get old or whatever. I'm not sure exactly how it works in your head. By the way how old are you?

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>>846161
>Unless the cartoon voices literally tell you to disengage from physical reality. Then I see why it's impossible to choose that path, because the more you embrace it, the more they will tell you to off yourself as soon as possible before you get old or whatever.

Thats exactly the problem, if I interact or "humor" the thoughts at all it always leads to me self isolating and seriously considering ending it, but as I said its DEEPLY ingrained and built into my mind so I have started asking for advice in hopes someone can point me to how to just accept reality as a normal flesh and blood guy, because I spent so many years in delusion as a teen thinking I'd get whisked away to 2d furry wonderland and live happily ever after that I genuinely feel like the normal human form in reality illicits a aversion response from me, I've been working on fixing this but I just can't quite get my brain to accept the idea of being a normal flesh and blood guy and not a hyper cutesified fursona thing like this that my brain sees me as for some reason.

The thing about my particular kind of autism is I have to be in "modes" for things, I can't passively enjoy a cute character from something like this art for example as my mind basically forces me to either feel nothing for it and go do something normal/manly or develop a unhealthy obsession with it and start fantasizing about becoming like it and getting weird delusions about waking up one morning in it's world, I can't enjoy a normal "guy" thing like a shooter game without feeling like I need to remove all the feminine parts of myself and go live on a ranch with a beard and die as a grandpa, and I can't really go back and forth between these "modes" theres time where I'll see in my minds eye a sort of struggle between 2 versions of myself and then the one that wins tends to be tied to which of the 2 "modes" im in

I find the effeminate cartoon thing in my mind is the most negative of the 2 because it tells me to do crazy shit like try to talk to spirits or off myself before I get old whereas the part of me that wants to be 100% macho man tells me to eat healthy work out try to have a property and marry a nice lady someday etc, I want the dudebro part of me to win but the retarded autist part of me that wants to an-hero so it can get isekai'd to furry wonderland is just so deeply ingrained that even when I consciously am working against it still dominates my thoughts and actions and suppresses the masculine part of myself, if I do something like play a game with a char creator I always unconsciously make my avatar more androgynous or youthful looking than most people would design theirs

Im in very young adult but not teenage range without getting specific, I've set myself a deadline that I need to resolve this stuff until im 28 in which case I intend to just commit suicide to cease the constant back and forth and decision making since if im 28 and still doing this it means im just a lost cause.

>>846132
>I wanna preface this by saying im NOT a troon and NEVER will be and I personally know for a fact im not gay

You have to be trolllaloling
That statement is just :-
>confession through projection

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>>846165
Is just cuz ppl have short attention span so most who skim through the post will assume its about trooning out or gay stuff when its really just about a unhealthy coping mechanism

>>846166

Okay you right I'm not going to read it or the rest of the thread. Just remember people think what I said and not even post it

Laters anon, oh just read yours quickly.
My school made a scapegoat every year, we were close to suicidal, yet strangely unlike the rest of our country. We grew tougher, maybe a bit meaner. Not suicidal unless you count all the times we were attacked by gangs, then that was more the nature of survival to be honest.
When say we, I mean I meet a younger anon same school same old story. That school produces one a year.
Up and down our country a comedian tells a joke about the bullied kid. In the south they laugh when tells them the kill himself, in the north they go AHH, and sigh. Where i and the other are from we grow stronger ever very second.
Just buckle up, you ain't dead yet. So say it with me fuck'em

>>846164
I believe you

Could have chosen cuter characters tho? Altho I'm a dude so cute girls always win for me. But it seems like also for all the artists regardless of male or female - anime *girls* is where it's at. I mean some guys do guys, but a very small minority.

Are you bi? Also does all these fantasies have anything to do with sexuality or is it just the cute and innocent vibe for you?

>that even when I consciously am working against it still dominates
Obviously haven't done many psychedelic drugs, cuz you would have learned some things. This is not how it works bro. If you fight against something it's the same as invoking it. You give it energy, whether affirmative or trying to deny it or suppress it, you're giving it energy. You've got to own it. And then simply make a choice whether or not you want to embrace that in your life and if you don't and you're honest with yourself you simply put your attention on things that you are more interested in or passionate about. And do it on a moment by moment basis, otherwise how could you be honest with yourself? It might take a little bit of self-examination, but the alternative is making purely a cerebral decision and then having its surface one way or another anyway because you were dishonest internally.

But if I'm going to be completely honest with you, I think your autism might be your superpower. You just don't know how to wield it yet. I don't know how it can serve you, but I'm pretty sure that it can.

I could point out more places where you write about it in a way that doesn't sound healthy at all in terms of your attitudes, but hey if you're in your early twenties, you're allowed to be dumb about it. It's just that is going to cause you a little bit of pain if you keep framing these things in these negative ways and I understand that you are not aware of alternatives, but you know, dig around in your mind a little bit. Don't make it too dramatic, try to meditate a bit as you contemplate it. Don't jump to conclusions, allow answers to come up naturally.

I happen to be mostly the manly man already in my early 30s... So for me it's not an option. I still have a teen build, but mostly because I'm tall and low fat... I suppose I'd like to hold on to this a bit longer but idk bro.. the cutsey teen looks was never even an option for me, I have a very masculine facial structure and build. But congrats if you still have that. Cute girls are a trip for sure. Cute guys... I wouldn't complain if I was one. Other than perhaps a lack of strength and speed. I love doing physical stuff and anything outdoors... Females have no idea what our bodies feel like... If you have the energy to train... I'm skinny and wiery and I still have powers that females can't even imagine let alone suspect... So there's pros and cons.

By the way is there anything else that you autistically obsess over besides this cartoon cute vibe reality characters and the real world masculine man idea?

>>846166
I feel paralyzed trying to reply to your retarded posts because there's just so much going on. Freud or Jung would have a field day with you, jesus christ. I'm just going to spew some general thoughts.

I want you to know that I mean this, this isn't just some offhanded shitpost or me saying something I know you won't like. This is what I think *after* reading *all* of your tripe, not just skimming over it. You're a fucking basket case. You're almost certainly a faggot of some kind. You need to get over your retarded personal hang-ups about that, stop the mental gymnastics and actually start the long process of figuring that out. Your chances of survival will rise considerably if you do.

I don't know if you're trans (you *do* sound gender dysphoric as fuck you fucking idiot, actually look into it) or gay or bi or whatever the fuck you are. But the sooner that you actually start coming to terms with that, the quicker you're going to find some peace with yourself and stop coming so close to """"ACK-ing"""" whenever you even vaguely entertain the idea.

I'm assuming you live in the USA because you wouldn't sound this retarded if you didn't. You can get therapy for free, you fucking mongoloid!! Do a couple fucking google searches, stop rambling about this shit on imageboards and start actually working on it with a medical professional.

>>846178
>I'm assuming you live in the USA because you wouldn't sound this retarded if you didn't
kekked

But I have to agree with the poster on this point. Maybe Canada, but certainly one of those two.

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>>846178
I don't think I have gender dysphoria because all my fantasies involve still being male and I actually do like being male, I ofcourse have that weird desire to look something like the op image I started the thread with, but I never have had any desire to be a girl, the urge has always been tied to how I perceived myself as a "soft boy" when I was a kid/teen.

I also know im not gay because part of why im like this is I always had a aversion towards other men in regards to their appearences and I've only ever really had attraction to female things, I've actually been having to teach myself however to be attracted to real flesh and blood women because my way I found out I liked girls was through furry art of girl characters. for most guys the anticipated course of life is get stronger get money find a wife but because I grew up consuming this really specific genre of furry webcomics and games and art of cutesy characters inlove with eachother it further warped my mentality because I got the notion in my head a normal relationship was a straight one where the girl and the guy are both pretty and girly like in this image is normal and good, and normal relationships where the guy is strong and bigger than the girl is gross and yucky and I've been having to slowly deprogram myself out of that weird mindset

I really wish my parents didn't let me go on the internet because my brain got basically fried by furry indie games and fanart.

(466x605)

(311x448)

>>846171
>Are you bi? Also does all these fantasies have anything to do with sexuality or is it just the cute and innocent vibe for you?

To answer the bi question, no, read: >>846239 and you'll understand.

To answer if its a sex thing or just a cutesy thing, These fantasies started from the fact I was always weaker and alot more sensitive than everyone around me, even the girls I knew, was never really happy with myself as a person, and had alot of medical health issues in life

Originally I'd just time to time imagine myself living in one of the gentler cartoons I liked as a kid but in my teen years I was feeling very weird because I felt insecure over being weak and skinny but at the same time didn't really feel like becoming more masculine so when I found stuff like ralsei in deltarune, and Yonkagor's stuff I sort of had a outlet to vent out my inner feelings because I felt myself sort of reflected in the small and non-threatening appearances they had and sometimes would kind of picture myself as something similar to them when I'd cry and have a breakdown during my suicidal years,

So these things all came together of I already was sensitive and a bit effeminate and was/am unhappy with everything in my life, and was raised basically detached from reality so the fantasies of escaping my real life started to involve the idea of becoming something like these cutesy characters since I never really have been comfortable in my own skin, have always felt weird about aging/existential crisis, plus as a kid I hated how "boring" the real world is.

I think it all originally started when I played pokemon mystery dungeon as a kid since it literally is about a human getting turned into a cutesy cartoon animal and then deciding to stay as such, so that kind of planted the idea in my head, but the current feminine form of it originated when I played Deltarune as a teenager, Ralsei the character basically reflected how I felt as a kid being the "soft boy" of the group, I distinctly recall getting to the part where the game describes his bed feeling like laying in a dream and how Ralsei basically just sits and does cute things like baking all day without having to worry about aging or paying taxes or whatever, which combined with all the other stuff I was into at the time and the fact I was completely going insane and was suicidal at the time, created this idea that I could find some way to make it so if I followed through on my suicide plan I'd wake up in a fantasy land as something like the characters I related to, some of the delusions even directly involved some crazy idea I'd wake up in the game world but they are mostly just the idea of a fantasy world where I get turned into something like how my brain views myself.

can you like fuck off to /cd/ and keep the /b/ pure
Thanks

>>846242
Nah, this is interesting case study. OP is being for real.



Understandable OP. I'm pretty skinny too, although strong and pretty much never had a chance to be anything other but very masculine because of how my constitution was as I was born. But I understand where you're coming from *kinda*. Due to high T that I always had I'm very attracted to adventure though and couldn't handle a boring life. But I understand the appeal of there being little danger or urgency (like in the absence of getting old) and everything being clean and aesthetic and in general being coddled. I'm also very attracted to cute things, but not because I'm cute myself, I looked very mature already when I was 17 and younger.. and my life was such that very few adults could handle those levels of insanity and despair and so on, so I had no chance but grow up very early in terms of my world understanding etc. maybe that's why I'm always longing for the cute stuff, cause I never had it or was it myself other than maybe as a baby although even as a baby because of my androgenic system I for example would never cry. Also held my head when I was born. Basically a little terminator, but I'm sure I was cute to an extent back then, just my mind... I don't think it was ever really cute, because of the hypermasculinization and autism. Systems systems systems.....

I think it's achievable for women if they are really beautiful and find a very rare good hearted man who also has enough spine and balls to make a course through life for both of them. For a man it's less realistic, but also possible if you learn to control the energies and navigate vibrations. A lot of things can be created in this realm.

Unfortunately you don't seem very wise, judging by the way you frame a lot of these things, it could be that you're just still too young to understand a lot of these things, but I see teenagers now understanding things that took me years and years to understand, so it's not like your age is a barrier, it's more so your lack of experience and your social environments being none the wiser, nor do I expect that you have very high IQ which would actually help if you knew how to use it. But it's mostly the wisdom part that would be needed.

But yeah, there's hope. Because actually you can create any kind of life you want here. Within the parameters of the theme you came here to explore, but that is extremely individualistic so if anyone can have suspicions about what that is, it's only you. But even within that general theme, there's all kinds of ways that you are allowed to explore it. It's just a general guide rail, it doesn't determine the details of your life.

You can live for example on one of the Greek Islands, there are communities there that are almost isolated from the world, only native Greeks live there, nobody locks their doors, they're like one big family on an island. Maybe you could go to some Asian countries, but generally I would recommend to live with whites for you. Sure it's not going to be your furry fantasy land, but at least it's physically feasible to create a certain kind of community and vibe there that would make you much more comfortable than the average vibe of average place on earth.

On the other hand, I for example really love nature, so for me it doesn't matter much where I am, I have learned to handle social realities and as long as there's nature that really resonates with me, I'm in heaven. Hell, even if there's not nature but really good skies and clouds, I'm in heaven. But obviously yours and my needs are very different, I'm just trying to convey to you that despite what it looks like around you, your fantasies can actually be translated into a human life to a very significant degree, because the places around Earth and the social atmospheres around Earth are unbelievably diverse in frequency and vibe and just you know in what they are. Hell, nowadays they even have these furry communities right, maybe you can find your tribe there. Although, I would warn you, that in general people really fucking suck, so it's likely that they're going to suck there also, so don't you know expect very high and then have your expectations crushed. In general try not to make it all conditional on other people, because it might be almost impossible to get what you want then.

But a cutesy carefree life with nice gentle activities in a safe and supportive environment - totally possible.
Not getting old... That one's a little bit trickier without having at least a little bit of a warrior mindset in my opinion, because there would be a lot of things you have to face and that goes a little bit opposite to the idea of being coddled. And it would not be comfortable at least not during the transformation. And ultimately you would still get old, you would just be young and energetic much much longer than usual. But you would still mature and be less like a kid.

Oh, one more thing, you can actually live in the world of art and create art and that is quite limitless and you can spend 95% of your day in there and bless the world with Good creations. So that's also an option. Look at Hayao Miyazaki. Look at any great artists. I think a lot of them spend most of their lives in fantasy realms.

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>>846242

This, fuck off nigger this aint no hugbox blog for crossdressing faggits.
Nobody here is starved for attention enough for this We used to burn people like op here.

>>846246
He just furry, not even a faggot, relax

>>846246
He just furry, not even a faggot, relax

>>846246
What? Shut up.

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>>846242
I have no intentions of cross-dressing, I find it a bridge too far I don't really have any intentions to do irl stuff based on all this, the fantasy and urge is specifically the idea my teenage self got of trying to commit sudoku so I get whisked off to fantasyland which you can imagine is a problem so I figured just putting this stuff to paper would help me sort this all out

>>846245
My "gameplan" so to speak has so far been to just figure out what im doing first but I think if I don't -ACK myself I gotta sort this out, I often feel like I am 2 people having to share a body with one being the masculine and intouch with reality self and the other being the suicidal furry retard I was as a teenager, to the point I have been putting together an idea if I don't give in to the voices telling me to go run off to wonderland I'll do some kind of mental process to reduce the 2 down to just the 1 normal guy

>>846246
Im not really seeking attention so much as I am trying to figure out how to solve a problem I've had for a long time thats too embarassing to share with anyone beyond random strangers online

>>846254
Well, whether you're looking for it or not, I would like to inform you that if you do solve it you are certainly not getting any more attention from us, so think carefully before you do decide to do that.

#mental health dichotomy
#attention as fuel
#dopaminergic hit

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>I wanna preface this by saying im NOT a troon and NEVER will be and I personally know for a fact im not gay
>I grew up without a father figure and
I'm sorry, bro.

>>846141
>hearing a sort of like female demon/spirit's voice saying she loves and the idea of killing myself and waking up in a fantasy world and getting married to the spirit girl and going on adventures
Bruh, that requires some medication. Also don't shoot up a school in the meantime, there was an effeminate fag not to long ago who had this cartoon obsession or something like that.

>>846272
Only person ever at risk is myself fortunately.
But reminding myself of those cases has helped me mentally associate these feelings with disgust which should be the key I think to overriding them.

>>846271
I don't think it was ever really possible to become gay anyway because I saw alot more women than I ever saw men growing up so I naturally became attracted to girls.

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>>846280
>he thinks being a tranny means being attracted to men and only men

>>846301
I don't wanna be a girl. The fantasy specifically involves I remain male, things related to trooning out just make feel grossed out and uncomfortable.

>>846352
Femboys exist too, you know.

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>>846355
I don't really use that term because Femboy is more of a sexual thing and this is much more about a really autistic coping mechanism I developed in my teen years than it is about anything sexual

part of my fantasy is being able to return to a more innocent state of mind, It why when I was a teenager I literally wanted to BE Ralsei since he is so innocent and carefree

>>846391
Bro landed on the wrong planet lol

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>>846393
Honestly with how weird I am, turning to be some kind of expat from a alternate timeline wouldn't surprise me.

Guys, we are witnessing a process in the middle of a coming of age of a modern man, isn't it absolutely fascinating and beautiful?

Hell yeah OP, you're almost there, I believe in you.

>>846409
I foresee at least some coming but there is definitely a dearth of "man" in OP's case.

>>846411
"Dearth"
Are you brown perchance?

>>846409
Im doing my best, right now just basically processing these feelings and getting them off my chest on here to hear input on what to do until I hit a metaphorical "Fork in the road" I have planned where I have to basically choose one or the other, because this limbo of back and forth needs to end.

The thing that helps alot so far has been people saying I should accept myself in a reddit ass way.

Everytime I see some faggot go "No you should just accept yourself! Normal is boring!" I immediately get the urge to delete my image folder and do some manly shit.

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>>846430
You sound like one of them guys who hate sluts, because no girl has ever slutted out FOR YOU

>BAD BITCH, nuh uh, you need to be pure and a virgin or at least low mileage for me to even consider you
Whores make the world go round nig

I'll take the perfect pussy and ass over some boring good girl any day of the week. As for getting cucked, just don't pay for her shit, until she shows some real commitment and does so in ACTION not words.

Or just buy her duh, some chicks will happily exchange resources for access to her punanni

Anyway, here's for the love of sluts

>>846437
Sluts indeed rock.

>>846437
Im sorry what?

>>846437
some one pour Steve a cup of that sweet November Juliet, been a while
you just been lurking, you old Knavie?

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>>846474
You managed to out-crazy me.

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>>846479
Don't flatter me

>>846164
Post a selfie nigger.

>>846494
I'm picturing Femboy-chan as a 2000s scene kid.

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>>846495
This is reminding me I need to make uo a normal name for myself because "femboy kun" doesn't really work since it doesn't note the other normal/masculine half of me that wants to change for the better

Congratulations 7chan. You let the 420 niggers in now you are letting in the child raping queers

Die you cunts.

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>>846498
Im actually probably the more normal guy since I just have a unhealthy attachment to how teenage me wanted to be innocent and nice, I actually really don't like when people sexualize things like Ralsei or the other characters I like.

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>>846502

This post glows so brite it burnt out the pixles on my phone screen.

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>>846132
It's government agents deployed to make us believe in some kind of animated shit or exchanging masculinity for whatever the fuck knows what but never thinking of it in a sexual way right, I can tell op is not serious, because he sounds like a retard and a government agent, it's all a fucking psyop to introduce us to
>new ways of thinking about things

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>>846506
While theres definitely a psyop to make men feminine I can safely say im not part of it I would've been posting sexual imagery if I was since thats mainly how guys get groomed into trooning out. If you have advice on how to go in the opposite direction of this effeminate bitchboy stuff then please go on thats basically the entire purpose of this thread is figuring out what to do about this.

Also yeah ofcourse I sound retarded, I AM retarded.

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Men want to be reminded of home, beauty, serenity, infinite depths and oceans and the nature and organics and the natural flow of life even at the cost of loss of agency haha (I imagine your a cute innocent anime realm), this is why men treat women and children just better than what they really deserve, it's like being a guardian basically, protecting innocence and beauty I guess (I suppose ugly chicks have it pretty tough though, neither do they have a real spine nor the internal honesty or ability to self audit, nor the kindness and selfless protection and service of the males like seen in healthy sexual dynamics, nobody treats them like kids and so they have to stand up for themselves inevitably in this relatively harsh survival environment...)

women want to be reminded of passion, thrills, excitement, enjoyment/play and fucking standing for something instead of being all wishy washy.

I'm not saying you should go out there and mass murder people, but there is beauty to having a spine and being a man. Even if in this world it will most likely means you'll be asked to clash with so many different kinds of niggers, robbers, cheaters, liars and worst of all - those who think they have monopolized strategy and force, yes the future wars will be purely mental, forget your fists, forget... The autist (a baby who swam in high level of prenatal testosterone environment, shifting his brain or her brain towards systemization, logical analysis of systems rather than social organization and adaptation and survival throughsocial positioning/navigation) even if afraid of or incapable of actual combat with hands and legs and rifles.. (although a true wimp will lack the decisiveness required for effective system implementation and fast unyielding adaptation) is still the future apex predator, arguably already is due to all the jewelry over the recent decades, of course there's always time for bravery and what not, I mean what if not testosterone makes one a little less risk averse amirite... but simply just having spine can potentially force you to go to war no matter how non-warlike, like imagine you were 100 times less of a proponent of using Force than Hitler was, literally would rather exhaust a thousand different options first before choosing that. If you have a spine bro you might just realize one lifetime is not enough to convey your communication and negotiation and even if it was, some people just don't want to listen and the only thing they know is violence, game theory and fake gay shit..
but they're dumb and heavy and you're smart, light and agile it is what it is dude it will have to be assymmetric.. they control the resources as well as the mass (npc) opinion.

But every moment that is a peacetime moment - appreciate it so much. Btw war is anything that requires force and forgoes negotiation or communication, some people foster it even in their own family (a good leader will not lead his family towards that kind of dynamic or energy even if that's where the woman tries to pull it in)(some say the only place a woman can lead a romantic relationship in is - the dissolution of the said relationship), a man should never go to war against his woman, because 1. It's gay and 2. It's boring and 3. He'd crush her both physically and psychologically if he wanted to because men are just stronger both physically and mentally. Whatever endeavor you can imagine, at the far right edge of the bell curve of it, it's pretty much always going to be men, be it sports, war, any intellectual or even creative activity - we're just more extreme, less naive, more curious, more honest with ourselves. Why the fuck would you want to go to literal war with your spouse or anyone in your family? Do you not understand what war is and do you not understand how quickly it would end given the power imbalance? And if you're not ending it quickly then you're undecided whether you even want to engage in war and in that case I recommend that you don't. Of course legal systems can get involved, but if you're smart (and smart always wins, except maybe in body memory systems like jujitsu or literal close quarters combat training although even there smart offers bug advantages), you'll 1. Not put yourself in that position in the first place by thinking of her as your intellectual equal and self honesty ability equal 2. Beat her psychologally before she invokes any of the state sponsored bullshit. But again why the fuck would you want a spouse who you go to war with, be a fucking man and show her that if you wanted you could crush her in a true war, but you're simply not interacting with her for that purpose. And you're not willing to give any undue trust or commitments until she demonstrates that's she ain't with you for that either. Although you always have to take it with a grain of salt - fail a shit test and watch her actively rewrite in real time whatever history or solidity you had towards each other - you always have to treat females like kids to some extent - doesn't mean you can't love them, but doesn't mean you give them your gun collection as toys to play with. That said some females have more of a warrior spirit and adventure spirit and heart than 99.999% of anyone right. But still if it becomes romantic with her, it's best to while you respect that masculine part of her, while you don't treat her as a complete goofball kawaii innocence perfection, it's best to still maintain polarity even if that's no longer purely what the relationship is about and she indeed becomes a bit like a brother. Wisdom and discernment bro, not every female is exactly the same even if there are certainly patterns you can notice. The one with a big heart will be more like a brother, but if she's hetero, she'll still want you to treat her like a girl as far as your sexual romantic part of the relationship is relevant to y'all. You can always just engage her platonically and let her outsource the romance part if you really think she's so cool that such an arrangement would interest you. But girls tend to choose retards and faggots and they have no idea what actual masculinity is, they just like the butterflies they get from a guy with psychopathic tendencies and if she's looking up to him, it can be weird treating her as your equal while she's looking up to someone obviously below you in any real metric of realness and masculinity. Guys don't have this issue, so better just look for platonic friends in guys. Well on the other hand you're a bit of a faggot yourself I guess since you're not really looking for *seriousness* in friendship or bigness in adventure, right, you just want innocent and cute shit, no? Nothing wrong with that. Just vibing, enjoying life, community, somewhat of a meaningful friendships, innocence, youth, not examining things too much or too deeply, going with the flow. Honestly it sounds great especially if you have people or systems that would take care of your physical needs, if you take care of yourself, especially with no support like in wilderness - you'll need some spine bro. That's why all those bitches are masculine now in this economy, unless they had a good father who took care and guided them or brothers or good 1st 2nd boyfriend maybe and they're still relatively young - then they can still be innocent and feminine and beautiful. Otherwise they're hardened and not by the most beautiful energies out there.. imagine loosing your innocence yet still being fundamentally nerfed relative to the male population in your ability to be masculine and accept life challenges stoicly and gracefully. Such are most women now. Trying to compete with men on/in it while barely having a clue what it's actually about. Threw away a treasure and a beauty for what? For being second rate at something that is not usually their natural identity in the first place. Although women too can have a beautiful warrior spirit, adventure spirit, and indeed a lot of solidness, integrity, DEFINITION, internal consistency... But as a mostly *feminine* being. Yes that can be immensely attractive and beautiful.

And you could even live the rest of your life like that - in peacetime - just by mostly not even looking at the world and hoping they don't come coming for you, you know like one of those American guys in his imaginary castle, "as long as it don't touch me, my friends or my community or whatever, I'm okay with it - just leave me be and enjoy my life/friends"... I mean honestly, if you have your head in the sand, even having a strong spine you wouldn't necessarily have to go to war with anyone or anything especially if you live somewhere a little bit more remote and a little bit calmer maybe like Scandinavia.. although now it's kind of infected, the baltics maybe or Vietnam or rural Japan, small mountain towns in peru chile argentina, whatever.. stay under the radar, live life on the lower key and either build a family or serve and engage in a relatively small community, preferably local. Simple life right... Fuck alladat battles of future buddhas bullshit, right?

I'm not even against faggots btw nor being an innocent little boy as a man, honestly, I get where ur coming from. But the order in my opinion is such that the masculine is designed such that it's supposed to grow up, the feminine (and we have both parts) stays innocent and cute and kind and pure. Not saying that as you choose to grow up and be that support structure for the people around you and or for humanity you cannot maintain a purity, but inherently you'll have to be willing to be more of an adult, so radical levels of self accountability, blaming EVERYTHING that happens to you as YOUR OWN shortcoming etc. still you can come out of it not completely hardened. But no, it's not really your role to be taken care of and coddled and live in an illusion, not quite. Even as we are all both polarities. There are men more manly than you and they could in theory take care of your innocent little world. I appreciate cute boys for example (no homo, just my own fantasy of having that youth and innocence that I happen to have basically never had) and with the AI stuff that's coming, EVERYONE might just start living in the frame provided by the big daddy skynet or you know the more utopian versions like idk startrek or R2D2 type, damn not many examples of that in media huh lol

>>846506
The feds want you thinking exactly how you're thinking right now dipshit, you haven't outsmarted anyone.

>>846509
>>846508
People here literally share and masturbate to child porn and the management shares links on telegram for years. Also, Holy shit shut the fuck up you child rapists.

(WE HAVE A TELEGRAM??? WTF)

>>846521
The only reason I'm still on this site is because I like cute girls

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>>846508
See I understand all of that but... I guess its just harder with my specific case of autism since I just so deeply always wanted these things I always was so drawn to escapism and fantasy but I need to accept how "ugly" reality is.

I think I definitely made things worse by making all of these things I like into forbidden fruits in my mind because I tried so hard to be rid of them anytime I gave in to them I would fall hard into obsession again.

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>>846521
Honestly I mainly here to sort out my issue

>>846532
I told you already there is no "getting rid of". It's just not how reality works.

Imagine all of the things in life, all ideas, modes, energies, realms, just anything and everything is like springs on walls all around you. You can pull on them or you can push on them, but all that does is give energy to the spring and that energy will discharge sooner or later. You give it energy whether you pull on it or you push on it, whether you love it or hate it. I hope that makes sense - any charged engagement that's not just absolutely calm neutral observation and or examination is charging it. You have to integrate that shit (instead of labeling it as bad or something to get rid of or undesirable, ESPECIALLY if it's something that's a big part of you, so much so that I would recommend even not labeling other people as bad or undesirable if they happen to have played a big role in your life, because they are part of your identity now to be honest, by rejecting them you reject a part of yourself), it's part of you, it's part of life, you just have to figure out a more positive and constructive relationship to it. I mean to some extent ignoring it can work, but only if done truly neutrally rather than as some kind of coping or shunning away type of mechanism.

I wouldn't necessarily dwell too much on it, but yeah, allow yourself to find a more positive relationship to it, it's obviously something that's important to you, the whole fantasy worlds and escapism. Bro, fantasy is what makes this journey worth it in the first place. And not all of it has to stay there, some of it you can bring down here and sometimes that's really cool. You may not necessarily be able to become a straight up cartoon character, but you can imagine the worlds and you can transmute some of that energy into something that makes sense and an impact here. There's a reason why you were tapping into it. And it may not be just for yourself. All of this shit is integrated bro up and down and through all dimensions. Nothing is an accident, trust the flow, trust how life unfolds etc etc

I for one think that fantasy serves many great functions. But maybe that's just my style, I label everything in the most positive way I can or I just don't give a fuck about it in the first place. I do give a fuck about fantasy. A huge massive fuck.

>>846540
I mean I already hate myself and dont wanna be me so kinda too late for that.

>>846541
Is that because you regret something you did, yet cannot define yourself in any other terms except for your history? Is that the reason that you hate yourself? Or is it because you choose to be something you don't like right now? If so, why not choose to be something awesome instead?

>>846543
I basically have a split personality and 6 million other weird quirks I can't get rid of, alot of the time I feel like im not even a person but basically a sickly barely functioning vessel for a bunch of other minds to fight over who gets to be in the drivers seat Im very scrambled in the head to where my thoughts often devolve into abstract nonsense Im unhappy with who and what I am I don't like being autistic or all my other things that make me "special" I just want to be normal but fate just wouldn't have it I can do xyz self improvement thing but Im just so fundamentally broken I feel like I need to basically undo my entire self and start over.

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>>846545
Without grace you're not going to get out of this clusterfuck in my humble opinion. And rejecting the hand you have been dealt is not graceful. This is in response to just wanting to be normal. It's just not your hand as far as I can tell. Also lowkey I want to kill normies, so what I do is try to not look at the world for the most part, because it makes me feel very militant and warlike which is not what I want to become, so I for one thank you for not being a normie even though I know your ego would betray me on that given a chance - not choose that and so doesn't deserve the thanks, but thanks to your higher dimensional personality layers (you do realize that it's not just the ego that creating this reality for you?) for making that creative choice anyway.

As for self improvement, I don't think you necessarily have to do that much of it, but yeah, it sounds like you definitely need to look at some of the fundamentals.

I'd start with stuff like... Why could you at least possibly, potentially have a genuine desire/motivation to live? (Never mind what you or others think of you or whatever)

What do you think about enjoyment? Does the symbol resonate with you? Do you think you could receive that from life? Like genuinely enjoying stuff? Is there stuff that you could enjoy? Could you perhaps even start enjoying Little things, like having a sky (I really love the sky if you can't tell) above your head when you go out of the houses and buildings etc? If you really get it, you will realize, that's not even a small thing, but a huge fucking thing, few appreciate it. But I digress. You know a lot of the time learning to enjoy the little things is not hard at all, it's just a attitude shift. Now it might be hard to locate where the change needs to happen, and in that sense it is hard, but fundamentally it's extremely easy to start enjoying the little things. Like in that Pink Floyd movie The Wall, where the guy smashes up his apartment and then starts assembling it all back and it's just enjoying the process, play, suddenly he's calm, suddenly he's having a good time, just by playing with the smashed pieces of his apartment. But it doesn't necessarily have to be just the little things, it's just that that perhaps might help you in the bigger picture of enjoying things at all... Gratitude. Appreciation. Remember these words, remember these symbols. What is your relationship with the idea of appreciation? And especially gratitude. I remember I hated that word. Do you?

And it's not just about enjoyment in my opinion although that can be pretty fundamental. What about adventure? What about passion/excitement? What about curiosity? What are your relationships with these symbols?

Sometimes, if you tune into the idea, the reality that life is fundamentally all about opportunity (which means you never really have anything other than an opportunity right now for xyz, never ANY grasping, because you can't even own anything in the first place, is like sand through your fingers, you can just behold it for a brief moment), the idea of enjoyment can actually take quite a back seat in all this. It's actually good that you're close to death and think about it, this actually helps. Both in terms of making you calm and in terms of allowing you valuable perspectives, it's like certain doors are open for you mentally that are closed for most people.

And one more thing. What is your health and what is your physical pain status? Is your body completely broken and dysfunctional to the point where you cannot do what other people with bodies can do? How about pain, how often and how intense is it if you feel it at all in your life? I know a thing or two about healing the body, stuff your doctor won't tell you.

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>>846548
I refuse to accept the hand so really no amount of bit about appreciating life is going to work on me. Trust me I literally for years have had people tell me that sort of thing and its never worked. And to answer your question at the end, basically im damaged enough to where I don't really have any prospects for the future or chance at a normal life but not wheelchair levels of problems so its a weird position to be in.

I really just want normalcy above all things despite everyone always telling me I shouldn't

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>>846548
when I say I try to not look at the world I mean the human, the large scale social (small scale social can still be awesome actually) and all the patterns around that. I also try to not look at how much respect I receive from humanity generally (if you think about it, you are receiving extremely low respect fundamentally - threat of violence and daylight robberies are the norm), well, but this is not about my problems... Just wanted to clarify that, I'm not not looking at the world, I think the world is wonderful and especially this planet is unbelievable, not to mention the unbelievable physical world and the fact of existence and all the magic miracles and mystery surrounding that, but I try not to look too deeply into humanity and people's relationships outside of just some few people that I actually appreciate, have relatively effortless relationships with and have some faith in... I also appreciate anonymous communication even though I know you're not really anonymous here if we wanted to find out each other's identities... but if I try to analyze more deeply and more fundamentally, I find that humanity as a whole can be a little bit... Like something you want to squash and or teach a lesson, hopefully on a massive scale and I don't mean just something dumb like shooting a bunch of randos, but something more insidious and jew-like. But life's too short to get mixed up in that bullshit tbh. Some people enjoy war. I don't think I would enjoy that. For me it's always a lose lose proposition. I'd have to let go of any of the innocent qualities still left in me and in that way I guess I would kill myself before the actual death. I wouldn't find joy in it even though I would be good at it. I would basically become a computer. Which my mind is actually naturally adapted to.

I know some people actually do enjoy war. I know it's possible. But I think it takes a little bit of a more egoic and more sadistic nature that one has to possess. I never liked violence... Although to be honest, I think most of them just enjoy combat, not the actual idea of war. They enjoy the idea of combat, which is fair, it's one of the most adrenaline filled environments that can truly make you alive, I get that. I don't care about combat, I only care about war, I'd never risk going to war and accruing all the psychological and soul implications of going to war for some rush of adrenaline or whatever. War is hell, to think otherwise is to be ignorant in my opinion, there's nothing you can win there and there's nothing you can really enjoy there at the end of the day. And to function comfortably and at a high level in a war, you must become the devil. The reason being is probably game theory, but I fucking hate game theory. It misses 99% of everything and thinks that it's summing up life. Fuck game theory.
There's something called friendship and it is pure magic.
At the same time I realize that all negotiations at least in this realm fundamentally hinge on the threat of violence.. it's what provides the framework for all the rest to work..
Well, be it as it may.. looking at the wider social environment makes the idea of war extremely attractive to me, but I have to curb my enthusiasm for war, because I know for a fact nothing good would come out of it. Even though I would likely be great at "winning" it due to my IQ. There's no winning in war...

There are no elite operators (special forces guys) above like 130iq, isn't that curious... I'm pulling this out of my ass by the way. But I'm pretty sure it's true. You have to either truly like violence or be a dumbass to believe in the whole nationalism or protecting the nation thing especially in the 21st century when you have internet at your fingertips. Not to mention travel and economics getting much more intertwined and integrated and the fact that it's obviously one nation. One team. Doesn't mean I would suddenly abolish borders, that would serve just to destroy what little civilization we have left and make the whole world into india/africa, but we're obviously not on opposing teams or somehow disconnected from each other, especially not nowadays. There's no separation. It's a global community. The infighting is cancer. Sometimes I feel like becoming an immune cell (especially if I start looking around, that should just activates in me without me even asking), but then I start doubting if I love humanity enough to sacrifice myself like that, to sacrifice this magical opportunity for beauty and adventure and more... At this moment, I don't. Life's too short, I love art and creativity too much and the mysteries of just wandering around on this beautiful planet and of wandering around in your own mind and imagination and the fact you can manifest things from there - into this world.... Even if I think I would be good at it, I don't think it's the hand that God dealt me - to do that. Go with the flow I tell myself, listen to your intuition...

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>>846549
>I refuse to accept the hand
Unwise imo. You cannot go against the grain of existence. Your higher self and the higher layers of your core of your definition and personality set up a tunnel for you, not because of a lack of information on their part. But because you're a brave motherfucker who likes to put himself through some shit... But hey, what do I know about your life...

Like what does you refusing to accept it even mean? Like killing yourself right? Well, I'm not going to judge that, I actually respect that. It even takes a little bit of balls and bravery is fundamentally a beautiful thing. But yeah, having no humility at all whatsoever even where it is appropriate... Look, all I'm saying is that you have to trust how life unfolds, because life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you don't trust it, that's the evidence that you're going to get - that it's not worth trusting. But then what's the point of living? If you fundamentally distrust existence? Distrust the universe. How can you find anything relatable here then? How can you find the desire to engage anything here? Or is the world evil but the people in it not? I tend to think the opposite. And not even that the people are evil, but that they're NPCs for the most part. And I'm not a big fan of that. I mean there's nothing wrong with it it's fundamentally, what's wrong with that is that these people end up in positions of power and then treat others with extreme disrespect. That part I'm not a fan of. I actually don't care if others choose to be npcs, I even recognize elements in my own self that want to be that. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with that.

Also, dude, I'm not you, I don't know you. You might actually have normalcy in your hand. Maybe you are refusing to accept something that is actually not true about you, WHICH WOULD BE A GOOD THING, fuck what others are trying to tell you or the rogue elements in your mind are trying to convince you of that's not true. More power to you. All you need is self honesty to analyze these things and to know the truth about them. The answers are usually there if you are just willing to genuinely ask the question and to listen for the answer. You might have misunderstood what I meant by "the hand".. that you've been dealt. If you actually do understand what I meant, then distrusting it is basically distrusting higher layers if you will of your own self and that indeed I think is unwise. You are not this well-defined ego thing. There are elements of you working simultaneously right now with the ego and they're not enemies. They're on the same team, because it's literally you. It's just that ego sometimes is too locked into its narrow perspective, to notice certain things happening or certain feelings inside you. You're literally being beamed energy right now, beamed information. It's how you filter that information that's making it uncomfortable for the most part. What about it you are allowing... Although physical disability can make it more of a high inertia thing and sometimes that's just the hand you've been dealt. Ultimately it's all just grains in the sand, because we're in this forever. Even a lifetime of a broken body is actually nothing for a bit of adventure, for a bit of learning, what have you. We all have our own reasons for being here and our own reasons for being here in the way that we are. I am convinced that when you die you see all this very clearly and realize that you did not make a mistake by coming here in the way that you did, you actually came here for exactly what you were experiencing. And it can be a challenge, but I suppose as infinite and eternal beings we do not always shy away from a challenge even if in the midst of it, we might start thinking that it's more than we can handle. You know, some people like to throw themselves into the water to learn swimming. As many as there are beings, so many there are styles of being. Just by the virtue of you being here on Earth with me means our styles somewhat overlap and so I guess there's a camaraderie in that. It is a fucked up place, but not only that. The physical reality of your body though, few will understand it, if you chose something challenging in terms of that. Even while we live on the same planet and interact in many ways within the same social environment, people have no idea how different our lives are or can be. The only reason I have some glimpse of this is because I live many lives and I have found them to be extremely contrasting, and that's just within one guy... This plane accommodates many kinds of adventures and experiences. Heaven and hell. Sometimes within the same lifetime. For the first 20 plus years of my life I actually didn't think I was even capable of happiness lol. I was wrong. I'm full of ecstasy and it springs like a fucking fountain from me. I had no idea about this for over two decades. In fact I thought only the opposite is true - that I am fundamentally a gloomy dark person. Well, but ur issues are a bit different probably. Still, I think I can relate a little bit to the struggle. And also to the arrogance of thinking you know better.

>know better what this is supposed to be...

>>846551
Personally couldn't care less for the "you must be like this for a purpose" thinking, honestly I could be told by a higher being the hand I have is good and I'd still reject it. Basically nothing can convince me that being autistic or being a weird sort of barely functioning vessel for 2 people to fight over the driver seat is good.

I just want to be the person I always wanted to be which is me without the defects or weird interests I don't really care what will get me that I just know what I want.

I do sometimes feel as though the suicidal furry version of me that wants to go run off to wonderland might be right but if somehow I did get that insane fantasy to come true I know I would probably go insane eventually after enough time in it by way of constantly thinking of how I should've just worked towards becoming normal but now can't go back to the real world,

and also if I was sent to fantasyland I'd probably also go insane from still being autistic when I don't want to be or having my autism not be there and then not having the main thing that made the fantasy appealing and I feel some pretty reasonable fear at the prospect of spending trillions of years in wonderland as some fursona thing I thought I wanted to be but thinking the whole time about how much you'd like to go back to being a flesh and blood guy.

so I believe the personality type that wants me to be normal is the one thats most "true" one as I feel the most comforted at the prospect of one day just being a normal healthy guy

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>>846553
>Personally couldn't care less for the "you must be like this for a purpose" thinking
Haha. Well then you won't be able to use the situation you are in, now will you? You rejecting it can be like rejecting the road you're on. Since no alternative situation is available to act from and this one you are invalidating and not trusting to lead anywhere good... Basically there's nowhere for you to go then.

Interesting how somebody can be so opposed to reality. Killing yourself sounds like the only viable option. Or maybe I misunderstood what you meant. Maybe you're not throwing away the entire reality. But it's literally a condition that is given to you, not something you can choose and yet you reject it which means you by default reject the reality that contains that condition, because it's just a collection of settings, collection of conditions, a set of things that define the parameters of the experience or the game that you're in.

Do you know anything about Marcus Aurelius meditations? Doesn't any of it resonate? A lot of the basic shit he was talking about was about how to live life not worrying about shit you cannot control and yet being very deliberate and engaged with the shit you can control. Enjoying life, dreaming, "running with The Stars", following the natural ways of life. I think he was super Wise.

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>>846550
I respect this anon, but, I have come to the conclusion that you must accept; Life is war. Everything in life is out to kill you. The universe is, dare I say, actively hostile to your existence. The very nature of the universe is entropic decay and to be a biological organism is to actively exist in spite of this universal law. The reality is that life is pain and death and destruction. Yes, capsules of beauty exist, but, to fight is to live. It's better to live in the uncomfortable truth than dwell in an comfortable lie.

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>>846549
>I'm damage.

Why do you tell yourself this?

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>>846553
>Run off to wonder land.

If you want this go start shooting up and jumping trains.
Everyday is an adventure. You gotta take risks, though.
You come off as a person who wants things that require high risk, but, taking none of it. No offense. I just wanna tap your boy pussy.

>>846559
*child bussy

OP is a 18 y/o senior

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>>846568
All these persons are 18 or lower

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>>846565
If she's old enough to scream she's old enough for me.

>>846570
That is fucking stupid. A person is considered years old from the time they're born.

>>846559
You genuinely are worse than me somehow.

>>846558
I mean in a physical sense its kind of complicated but my body is really fucked up internally

>>846581
Tell it, stop this ambiguity

I suddenly have this urge to make OP my stupid puppy boy and to be happy together

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Mouse women kind of have a romantic quality to them because humans poison and torture them so switching things up and being lovey dovey to a nice mouse girl scratchs a certain itch, you can dote on her and protect her from all the mouse traps and pest control people

>>846581
OH, so you mean physically damaged?
I see, I see. Yeah nothing you can do for that. Try getting some one to tie strings to your legs and arms and they can walk you like a puppet.
I mean, truthfully, there's nothing wrong with being crippled. I don't think anyone cares. Shit, I'd fucking a crippled girl/boy in a heart beat as long as they weren't morbidly obese.

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>>846589
>protect her
Haha, keep simping bro. Girls wanna be pumped and dumped, none of that happily ever after shit or "caring" about her. Caring is for the weak. They want a stronk man, only a stronk man can "protect" her.

Okok, they don't want to be pumped and dumped, but they definitely don't want to be treated as equals. Treat her like a child is the only way bro trusst, care about her like you care about your bro and watch her run away in real time. Protect her like you would protect a child, not out of a sense of loyalty or camaraderie or some higher more refined forms of love. It's not personal like with ur home boy. She just happens to be under your wing.

Better yet just make sure she's an actual child and still capable that young "luv" - a little thank you gift for allowing her to live in a fantasy world... To hell with hags, they posses neither the young "luv" (the gift of innocence), nor the ability to live in a fantasy. It's like painting for the blind or creating music for the deaf... like, bitch, if you're gonna be a man, at least be a real man and treat me like a brother, through fire and through hell, but they're not capable of that either.. so what's the fucking point of loving a hag, seriously? They no fucking mouse girls no mo, that's for damn sure.. it's like they can't decide which role they want to play, so they just play whichever one is convenient in the moment... It's all fake and gay.

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>>846592
I understand you brother

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>>846592
I mean we're talking about a made up fantasy scenario of humanoid mice so idk

What the fuck even is ACK? Sounds nasty. Is that like away ?from? keyboard

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>>846592
I fucking,kek.

>>846599
Whats that?

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>>846600