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/elit/ - Erotic Literature
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Barclay and Alison Imhotep!jE19dxWPqM 13/12/26(Thu)10:58 No. 20523 ID: d5e7d3 [Reply]

This is a story about a dog and a girl. Enjoy.

Alison awoke to an insistent nudging. As she got her bearings, the situation flooded back into her mind and she felt that terrible weight return to the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes, hoping the nudging would go away. But she knew it wouldn’t.

Barclay was Alison’s dog. Or rather, Alison was Barclay’s human. Barclay exuded an alpha-male dominance, and like an alpha-male would get his way. Disobedience was met with escalation. You either submitted or punishments were metted out in increasing severity.

Alison unfortunately learned this fact far too late. In the pound, Barclay looked like a sweet and handsome dog that was capable of protecting her. And while he did protect her, it came at a far greater price than she had anticipated. Barclay was “abused”, and when she got Barclay, she felt proud for having done a good deed. Rescue an abused animal. The manner of his abuse however would later become clear.

Barclay let out a sharp bark. It startled Alison, causing her to shake and jerk and open her eyes, ruining her attempt to feint sleep. Barclay locked eyes with her, and she knew. She knew from the moment she woke up. But she couldn’t just give in so easily. No long term plan came to her, but for now she would just lie there unmoving. It was all she could do in the shame and fear that wracked her.

Her noncompliance was not appreciated. Barclay bared his teeth a little and let out a low growl. First warning, a threat of violence. Alison’s eyes teared up a little and she thrashed her arms down in frustration. Barclay maintained his position until she begrudgingly rolled off the side of the bed, putting her knees on the ground and resting her head and arms on the bed. She was naked, of course. If she tried to wear clothing, Barclay would grab it in his powerful jaws and rip at it, throwing her around and shredding the clothing.

Barclay followed her off the bed, and stood a short distance behind her as she assumed her exposed position. He paused a moment, knowing Alison could sense him behind her, in a position of power. Allison felt deep shame for what she knew was about to happen. Her cheeks flushed red and hot tears welled up in her eyes. Her hands were shaking from fear and frustration.

Barclay pushed forward and put his body on top of Alison, mounting her. He was larger than Alison. With his groin flush against hers, his head reached past the side of hers. His large body and thick underfur obscured Alison. All that was visible were her two rear legs running down outside of Barclay’s, her tits hanging down at the edge of the bed, and her head sticking out from under Barclay’s broad chest.
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dobedobedo 13/12/26(Thu)20:19 No. 20526 ID: aafc64

I don't usually like beast stories, but this is excellent


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Anonymous 13/12/26(Thu)22:04 No. 20528 ID: 2cd94e

Got more?


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Anonymous 13/12/28(Sat)12:50 No. 20543 ID: c1b02f

Dayum! Please sir, may we have some more?




Michelle's Anal Pregnancy (Anal_birth, oviposition, inflation, pain, tacocat55 13/05/04(Sat)10:03 No. 18849 ID: a2894d [Reply]

Painful Revenge

Michelle was your typical high school girl with a great body, no brains, and a lot of money, meaning she was a total bitch. She was 16 years old with long blonde hair, fair skin, a beautiful face, perfect C-cup boobs, and a firm bubble butt that filled her backside nicely, jiggling ever slightly as she walked. Unknown to her, however, she had rubbed the wrong person the wrong way, and now they planned on teaching her a lesson or two.

One day, when she was walking to her car late at night, a mysterious figure grabbed her and threw her in the back of a van, but not before the figure had hogtied her and stripped her of her clothes. Humiliated and terrified, Michelle demanded to know who the figure was and what was going on.

"You will find out soon enough." The figure said, hiding his/her voice with a voice modulator, sending chills down Michelle's spine.

After what seemed like an eternity the van finally arrived at its destination and Michelle was taking to a large, empty room, with nothing but a large medical table in it. There she was strapped to the table, face down, her arms were allowed to hang off the edge where they were tied to the ground firmly with rope, making Michelle's large breasts painfully squished between the table and her body. Her legs hung freely off the edge of the table, left low enough so her toes could touch the ground but not the balls of her feet. Her teen sex and large soft ass were on full display. Genuinely freighted that she was going to be raped she tried desperately to free herself but to no avail. After a good hour passed the figure returned.

"Enjoying yourself Michelle?" The figure asked mocking, enjoying seeing her like this.

"Who the fuck are you?" Michelle asked angrily. "How do you know my name?"

"Oh that's right, you can't tell who I am yet, well let me give you a hint." The figure said as it walked over to Michelle.
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Anonymous 13/12/28(Sat)08:16 No. 20539 ID: 2a541e

Jesus fucking christ this is awesome! Moar please!




Anonymous 13/11/21(Thu)07:40 No. 20310 ID: f809be [Reply]

I started writing this as a exit to my own dark desires, closely based on my life at the time, I seem to recall that the plot was to spiral out of reality hinted to in the two chapters I had saved on this old flash drive, pardon my inability to end a sentance in a proper fassion - I just get so carried away when I write.
Uh - tags; FemDom, CBT, milking, pegging - it will get alot worse if I revive it and write it all out

The human animal - by me

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
― Mark Twain


Chapter one

The gun barrel in my mouth was unwavering, my hand steady as my resolve to pull the trigger and get the fuck out of this nightmare.
How did it come to this? Why did I do the things I did and why was there nobody to stop me?

***

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Anonymous 13/11/25(Mon)09:43 No. 20339 ID: 42f9de

Tags; apocalypse, Gore, veh-homicide?, Mf, Rape, bondage, squirt.


Chapter three

When I woke I had a headache as I alwase do when I sleep the day away, thankfully it was quiet, maybe John had gone out for the evening. I went upstairs and nukerwaved some cold coffee and sugar'd it in hopes to eradicate the headache with some caffeine, and walked into the living room to see what car John had taken; none, the beamer was still there and so was his truck, Odd he must be sleeping or something, then I noticed a flickering down the block, I craned my neck to see around the neighbors fence to no avail, Curious I grabbed my jacket and headed out the front door, on the porch I was sure of it now, it was flames of a fire burning down the block I didn't know what to think about this as I let the screen door bang closed behind me I descended the steps and out into the cold early evening, halfway down the walk I saw there was a vehicle on its side in the gutter mostly smoldering having burnt mostly to the ground, yet I still ran letting my coffee cup to fall and shatter on the walkway.

As I neared the flaming wreck it was clear that if anyone was inside they were dead, the car was completely burned to the ground, all that was still aflame was the rear tires that were showing glowing steel belts as the rubber oozed and melted off them, I turned away sickened by the smell and headed back home not caring if anyone was inside, I'd just call 911 and be done with it, When I picked up the phone I did not hear a dial tone as I expected to, in stead it was a busy signal Goddamnit its alwase something, I went down stairs and got my cell and it didn't even have any connectivity, neither upstairs, this is when I knocked on John's door, just like in the scary movies it was just cracked enough to swing open a little with the wrap from my knuckles and I was getting a little spooked, "John?" No answer, I push the door open slowly "Hey man theres a car wreck down the street and . . . " I very nearly puked the half a cup of coffee all over his feet as soon as I saw his headless body on the floor in front of the door.

I turned away and pulled the door to behind me, and stood there for what felt like forever, All this seems a little too crazy to be real, I must be dreaming - a REAL fucking vivid surreal dream, "Maybe I can walk through walls or fly" I said to no one in particular, but felt a little too creeped out to try, in stead I peeked around the still partially open door again, yep still there, I reached a leg in and kicked the bottom of his dirty socked foot, the whole fat corpse jiggled with the rolling thigh tissue, I turned away again, His neck was ragged like a saber tooth tiger had took it off, not like a terrorist beheading but some fucking creature ripped it off. What could do that, and more importantly where the fuck was his head - shit this is gonna be so Message too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Anonymous 13/12/20(Fri)05:53 No. 20496 ID: a5a4e0

Coolio.


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Anonymous 13/12/21(Sat)01:13 No. 20502 ID: c6f912

>>20496
I've alwase hated that expletive.
But I'm glad you seem to like it, this will spur me on to continue the plot.




Window Dressings (Lolizorz) Anonymous 13/09/27(Fri)09:12 No. 19781 ID: 9b9dbc [Reply]

Window Dressings

I had known Shannon for nearly her entire life. Her parents moved into the house next door when I was beginning middle school; she was just barely a toddler at the time. My family was the neighborly type, so we had dinner parties with Shannon and her parents rather frequently. As a kid, I'd play with her and try to entertain her with silly stunts for her amusement. I'd say we developed a pretty strong bond early on. Being that we were both old childs, we had a quasi brother-sister relationship. When she she had turned five, for her birthday her parents paid me to build her a playhouse in her backyard. At her party, when I finally unveiled the little pink house I'd spent many an afternoon making for her, she screamed with disarminly cute, unbridled joy that could only come from a child. I will never forget the look in her eyes when she ran up to hug me with all her might. At that moment, she truly became sister. I realized I loved her, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she loved me, too.

Sadly, over the years we began to slowly drift apart. I was getting too old to keep playing with the little girl next door; I had friends to hang out with, a car to abuse, and ever-increasing resposibilities. Shannon herself began to live her own life as well. She grew into an adorable, charming young girl with so many friends. I still went to her birthday parties but we talked sparingly, and my gifts we never as good as the marvelous playhouse (which was still sitting in her backyard, albeit a little rundown.) The distance between us increased as the years went on. The last vestiges of our once unbreakable bond to each other finally disintigrated as I left for college. I didn't even say goodbye. Whenever I thought about it, I felt a small pang in my heart. I had lost my only sibling to the cruel, unyielding ravages of time.

Before I knew it, four years flew by and I was one of many jobless graduates living back at home with my parents. Shannon was thirteen by now but I hadn't seen her for four years; I realized I really didn't know her anymore. In my mind, she was still the adorable little girl who could effortlessly melt your heart with her charming demeanor. She probably still is, I thought as I updated my LinkedIn account in my upstairs bedroom. It was morning, and my first thoughts as I wake up these days are of my lack of employment. It went without saying that I needed a job. I craved the independent lifestyle I had so caustically led in college. Curious about Shannon, I walked over to my window which faced her house. For a few moments, I gazed around thinking about my memories of my long lost sister. Not much about her house had changed. I spotted the playhouse; it was looking pretty shabby. Specks of dirt crept up the walls and the pink paint was almost completely faded to white from the sun. I let out a shallow sigh and went downstairs to make myself break Message too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Anonymous 13/12/10(Tue)04:36 No. 20438 ID: 37c88d

Still waiting... I have this bookmarked and I periodically check for more.


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Anonymous 13/12/19(Thu)02:43 No. 20487 ID: 763f61

MOAR!!!!


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Anonymous 13/12/19(Thu)19:18 No. 20491 ID: 244444

Please sir, may I have some more?




Personal Loli - M/f, loli flounder!19IQ53Wc/s 13/12/06(Fri)05:28 No. 20402 ID: abea2f [Reply]

Hi there, I'm Flounder. You might remember me from such stories as "The Curler" back in 2010, "An Oral History of The Zombie War" and an unnamed piece, both in 2011.

I wrote this about six or seven months ago and have been itching to continue it. I've got an idea about where I want to go, but I want to see if you all /elit/-erates are on board. So, without further ado, Personal Loli

-------------------------

Year: 2085
Location: San Bernadino, California, USA
Background information: Thought the Human Genome Project completed it's first draft in 2003, it wasn't until 2055 until it's usefulness was unlocked. From there, the concept of the "cafeteria child", a child created by picking out different qualities like hair color, eye color, and genetic predisposition, was finally within grasp. 30 years later, the concept is still being studied, though there is progress. The San Bernadio Science Institute is making the fastest project, but few know why they are leaps and bounds ahead of similar labs around the world.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Regardless of what anybody tells you, having a STEM degree, even one from Pepperdine University, doesn't make job hunting suck less. My name is Jerry, I have a masters in genetics, I'm 22 years old, and today's my first day at The San Bernadino Science Institution in California. After 6 months of working for scrap, I'd finally made it into the big leagues. I was stoked to work at SBSI, it was the most difficult research lab to get into. Even the application requires a blood sample, but I guess they want to map your DNA by the time you get on-board.

I took the train into the city, and from there a bus to their main offices. The modest 5-story building in the heart of the city is a facade, the true labs are 1500 feet below the surface. I walked in to the office, and was greeted by the secretary. After showing her my papers, she led me upstairs to human resources.
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Anonymous 13/12/10(Tue)05:11 No. 20440 ID: f5b1c2

>>20436
It's still a hell of a lot better than this is.


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John Caker 13/12/10(Tue)07:17 No. 20441 ID: a54800

Don't listen to them flounder

This character acts exactly like I would.
Your story has a
Very high profile intro and a compelling as hell concept.

Keep going


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Anonymous 13/12/18(Wed)08:15 No. 20483 ID: 6da525

This is a great premise and I don't hate your writing style, but I agree you could slow down and flesh stuff out more.




Our Story InLovingMemory 11/11/30(Wed)10:17 No. 14424 ID: 5773d1 [Reply] [Last 50 posts]

In Loving Memory.

Of my late husband Brian, who died in February 2011.
I will love you always, with my mind, heart, body and soul.
I miss you, but I know you watch over me and will be waiting for me in the next world.

As I promised to you before you died I have found a way to share our story.
I would like to thank Locust74 who I met on a chat website for pointing me in the direction of this site.
I never knew what straight shota meant, but it seems that it’s a kind of a code for boys (shota) and straight meaning older women. I hope my interpretation is correct. Forgive me if its not.

Also as promised to Brian I will post some pictures to go along with our story. But as agreed only one of the pictures will really be of be. The others I have gleaned from the web.

The pink rose meant a lot to Brian and I, as he once described my pussy lips as being like the soft petals of a pink rose.

Finally to all who read our story, thank you. I hope you enjoy it and take from it what you will, but please also take a few moments for my sorrow at losing the love of my life.
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Paddy 13/04/30(Tue)13:05 No. 18812 ID: 22e4b2

Cant find your pics, can you re post them.

Love the story

P


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Anonymous 13/12/15(Sun)07:40 No. 20471 ID: fd2c20

whump


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Anonymous 13/12/17(Tue)23:26 No. 20481 ID: e073fb

Had to lol at the thought of these kids planning it out.
"What would be a good thing to impress her?"
"What if we came at the same time?"
"Alright but well need a signal"




Home alone Anonymous 13/11/14(Thu)15:52 No. 20195 ID: af0a5c [Reply]

Hello, I stumbled upon this side a while ago and decided I would write something myself.
Now this is my first time posting here. Also I haven't done any writing in a while, also not native english speaker. So any tip, hints or comments are welcome
Here goes nothing :D

----------------------------------------


It's summer so our parents are away for a long trip overseas, I'm basically living alone together with my sister and her best friend. My sisters friend was living with us because her parents where on the same trip with our parents. I'm 18 years old so I was in charge of the house and looking after my sister and her friend. My sister and her friend are 14 years old and enjoying summer vacation. We always have the house to ourselves when its summer because of a big company meeting that takes place in France. It is always the most relaxing time of year, no school, no parents and a big house for us to enjoy. But even with the empty house we never did anything we shouldn't.
In the evening as usual I went in the bathroom and started my shower and as usual began masturbating, with no girlfriend I had no other choice and being in the shower always go me in the mood. We don't have a lock on the door, we basically lived with the rule when the door is closed it is probably occupied. I was facing the door with my eyes closed with my dick in hand, getting closer to finishing. I came spraying my cum at the shower wall, a moment after I heard the bathroom door slam shut, my eyes opening as quickly as they could but I was alone. Had someone been watching me masturbate? Maybe I imagined it. I probably imagined it or it was another door in the house, only my sister and her friend where at home but nether of them would do something like this. So I cleaned up and finished my shower.
I prepared the meal for tonight and called my sister and her friend down to the kitchen so we could eat. Bering the housekeeper for the last few summers I had learned cooking, because I got tired of eating spaghetti all the time.
My sister and her friend sat at the table and started eating, I looked at them remembering what had happened when I was in the shower but quickly stopped telling myself I had imagined it. But once again I noticed my sister Laura and her friend Jenny where growing up to be very cute young girls. Laura had chest high dark hair and her figure was becoming more and more womanly only her breasts where not growing very much yet, they where about an A-cup. Jenny had shoulder long blond hair in figure similar to my sister but with slightly bigger breasts, but at home both of them where mostly wearing loose clothes so it was hard to tell. Only sometimes when they felt like it they would wear tighter clothes, today was not one such day.
"Do you guys want to watch a movie later?" I asked them
"you never let us watch a movie we want to watch." Message too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Anonymous 13/12/14(Sat)06:47 No. 20468 ID: 332f1f

MOOOOOOAR


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Anonymous 13/12/15(Sun)17:16 No. 20474 ID: 283ef7

OK so here is chapter 4. It's a bit shorter but I like it^^
I have a few more ideas but thats not gona happen for a while I think
have fun

Chapter 4
I couldn't believe what was happening. Just a few hours ago I had been making our with Jenny.
Now my little sister had just given me a blowjob and was naked on top of me with my penis pointing at her entrance.
Jenny was next to me she had also just gotten naked and was massaging my chest with one of her hands on her breasts.
All I had managed to say was "are you sure?" that was a question directed as much towards my sister as it was towards me.
but all I could do now was watch while my sister slowly pushed down. It felt incredible warm, wet and tight.
She went slowly backing up a bit when it got a little too tight waiting to adjust.
After a while she was sitting in my lap again but now with my dick inside of her.
No one moved for a while until I finally moved my hands on my sisters hips which seemed to wake her as well.

slowly she moved up and came back down my hands guiding her and forcing her down a little.
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Anonymous 13/12/16(Mon)05:38 No. 20476 ID: 27d884

>>20474
an obvious but appreciated sequel I enjoyed reading
however your text could have beneficiated from more proofreading




Director Flint Charles [loli] [action] [suspense] J. Caker 13/12/11(Wed)09:36 No. 20449 ID: a54800 [Reply]

Wrote this on a whim; tell me if I should continue.

I picked Olivia up from Barnes and Noble around 3:30.

“Hey Charlie”

“How was your day at school?”

“You know,”

“Did Aaron talk- did you talk to Aaron today?”

“… No”

“Well it’s only the second week of school; he’ll notice you, just be sure to speak up. You’re funny and smart; you make an impression on everybody. Like uh what was his name? Bryan? I saw you hanging out with him a lot last year, and Anton, he, he like thought the world of you.”
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Anonymous 13/12/11(Wed)23:44 No. 20450 ID: 78aaba

>Swedish
>doesn’t speak English that well

Very unlikely for a scandinavian to not have a higher than average level of english.

Also, I did not understand what was going on below the lines about the swede. I thought they were in a car?


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Anonymous 13/12/12(Thu)09:22 No. 20452 ID: c1b02f

Hnnnggggg.... moar...


>>
Chapter 1&3/4 J. Caker 13/12/15(Sun)15:54 No. 20473 ID: a54800

Olivia’s fingers clench around the lips on her vulva, left middle finger dipping into the vestibule, ring finger brushing her butthole

“Pele, give her some lube…”

Pele steps slightly into frame; Olivia extends her hand and he squeezes a nice dollop of KY Jelly into her open palm.
Head between thighs, the small of her back her tallest point, Olivia looks at Pele and says thank you.

“Okay Olivia, give me a little penetration.” Charlie asked in an encouraging manner.

She rubs the jelly in her hands and begins to smear it on her lips, parting them and giving a little insertion into her two most private places.
Before the scene really got gritty, time slowed down; you felt the pulse of you own body. The four hearts beating in the room, one at an alarming rate. The smell of a freshly cleaned carpet, new leather upholstery, mingled with stale scented oils and the acrid-sweet odor of female genitalia, all drawn out by the power of 1500 watts of halogen studio lights.

Olivia dips a pinkie into her anus and goes to the knuckle. Her ring finger goes into her vagina fully, she wiggles these back and forth, a middle finger quickly joins her other digits in that dark, warm, cavern. They slide out and back to the knuckle again. Olivia is biting her lower lip and trying not to laugh. Her hand comes out and her first three fingers shove into her vaginal canal. She is laughing, grinning at the camera, and masturbating with both hands, one working on her anus and the other on her sex. A highly audible noise of suction and slapping resonates in the nicely appointed three-bedroom apartment. This goes on for maybe about thirty minutes. The guys have all taken off their jackets due to the heat in the room, but Olivia is comfortable in just her little white socks.

Charlie was about to make a call to the handler, he expected the stud on a flight from this morning but due to the snow there were numerous layovers.
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story I wrote tac 13/12/12(Thu)11:02 No. 20453 ID: 5bf0bf [Reply]

I uploaded it to 99chan but got no responses..so ill delete it there and post it here and see if i can get some feedback.....

I am taking my time this morning over my appearance..today my neices and nephews were comming to stay with me ...forever....the sad part of the story is my very much loved sister and her equally esteemed husband had died nearly a year ago in a fatal aircraft accident which occurred in the far north of western australia.......I was overseas at the time on a 12 month mission for the department of defence....this was not unusual and at times these missions could extend out to 18 months so the objective could be realized....because of this I didnt hear about the tragedy that had struck my family for close to 9 months after it happened and that was only 3 weeks ago...my 4 new children were comming to me by way of child protective services where they had been fostered for the last 10 months waiting for me to be found and informed and all the red tape of adoption was cleared up

In 3 weeks I had secured an off base married quarters house..which is very nice..5 bedrooms, big kitchen and formal dinning room as well as a games room and family room. The double car garage and off street parking as well as access to all the bases amenities such as pool and recreation hall finished the picture .....I had a frantic time getting the house furnished for my soon to be family...I started in the play room..with 2 overstuffed 3 seater lounges and two 2 seater pullout bed/sofas...and bean bags all over the place...next was the largest LCD TV I could buy with a PS3 and an xbox and a Wii with a fully connected dual screen computer system and sound system...the next room was the lounge with another big LCD TV and pay tv setup with a home theatre lounge set with again bean bags everywhere.

Now comes the hard part...the oldest is a boy of 11...Terry... he was very attached to his father and loved fishing and camping on the weekend. he was also a racing fanatic...big v8's....ok..double bed in an over and under style with a single bed up top..if he has mates over...corner suite computer desk and office desk with an executive chair......the walls painted ocean blue with posters of all the cars in the competition last year..this boy was the apple of my eye before I joined the forces...now he was about 115 cm's tall with blonde hair and freckles all over his face and apparently he was very toned and lithe as he was training for the last 4 yrs in japanese karate and had won several tournaments.

The next room was the largest bedroom...the twin girls...10 yrs old and identical, except for a mole on the butt cheek of the oldest....by 90 seconds....Elouise or Lou and Katrina or Kat.....both girls had sooty blonde hair and green eyes with fine white skin which burnt in the sun quickly....at about 110 cm's tall and with ballet bodies..the last time I saw them they were 2yrs old and didnt interest Message too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Anonymous 13/12/12(Thu)13:24 No. 20456 ID: fa4fca

Story itself holds potential.

Have to agree that ellipse have been way over used and it makes it difficult to read.
Some stops and capital letters would make an vast improvement.

The primary function of an ellipsis is to omit one or more inconsequential words from a quotation.


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tac 13/12/12(Thu)14:19 No. 20457 ID: 5bf0bf

thanks, I think the story could be good; with a little bit of constructive critique.

when I rewrite it I will reduce the elipse content.

by the way...According to the Associated Press, the ellipsis should be used to condense quotations.It is less commonly used to indicate a pause in speech or an unfinished thought or to separate items in material such as show business gossip.


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Anonymous 13/12/13(Fri)08:04 No. 20461 ID: edc9fc

>>20457
You're writing a work of fiction, not putting quote snippets in a news article.




Everyday Magic [loli][magic][various other tags inside] Anime+Lover!IjAskBW1NY 13/12/05(Thu)11:40 No. 20393 ID: 7c6761 [Reply]

this is a small 4-part (ATM) series about two teen girls who are mages-in-training and the odd situations they get into

Chapter 1: Inconvenience

(ANIME) LOLI (NYMPH), MILD WATERSPORTS, OVIPOSITION, RAPE, EGG-LAYING

Chapter Summery: Two teen girls find out the hard way that rules are there for a reason.

-

It was an all-around nice, sunny day, in the peak of summer. The school day had ended not long ago with students heading home through various means, some by car, on others on foot and some, in more spectacular and eye-catching ways, such as flight, some with wooden sticks and broomsticks and some without.

While to any average person, the sight of a person flying without being in an airplane would be unbelievable, but not here, the particular school here was one of magic, many young witches and wizards in training.

Mindy and Veronica, two first-year teen girls walked along the sidewalk on their way home.
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Anime+Lover!IjAskBW1NY 13/12/08(Sun)11:01 No. 20424 ID: 7c6761

well, I certainly wasn't expecting such criticism, considering other places I've posted this didn't give such a hard review, plus it was well liked.

I'm certainly not a perfect writer though (tenses and grammar are my biggest issue) and believe it or not, I have improved over the 10+ years I've been writing fiction. My first ever fic is such a horrible mess I'm ashamed of it >_<.

When I look back and read my earlier work, I'm honestly surprised people said nothing about my shifting tenses and grammar, well, one friend of mine frequently commented on my grammar and helped me out.

question for >>20423 though
considering I tagged each chapter, if your not into watersports, why read it?


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Anonymous 13/12/08(Sun)12:10 No. 20426 ID: b1a6a9

Here's a good sanity check for your speaking verbs: are less than 80% of them 'said'? If so, change more of them to 'said'.

'Stated' is for is generally for when a character has spoken as though issuing a formal statement.

'Replied' is for when a speaker has answered an implied question or has offered a retort.

Examples:
“Oh! Sorry!” suddenly states Mindy.

"Oh! Sorry!" is an exclamation and decidedly not a well-considered statement.

An appropriate use of 'reply':

“Weren’t you scared!?” asks Veronica, surprised at her friends comment.

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Anonymous 13/12/11(Wed)07:52 No. 20448 ID: fccf7b

>>20424
>> considering I tagged each chapter, if your not into watersports, why read it?
Because it read "mild", and I was interested in the other tags.
Buuuut... I think I should admit my critique came out harsher than necessary. Re-reading it, I've realized I thought this was a story someone else was reposting, while that preface was in another /elit/ thread; thinking the author wasn't here, I've been too blunt.
Let's put it like this then: grammar and verbs are the load-bearing elements of a novel, if those are weak, the whole text feels weak and amateurish. If you want to write, you have to learn them well. On the other hand, the "its/it's" mixup is all too common on the internet, and if you get that wrong you'll look like one of the many ignorant teenagers infesting the tubes. And that could be even worse. ;)




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