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/grim/ - Cold, Grim & Miserable As always ideas for rules, anonymous names and better headers are always welcome, post them in the main sticky and we'll consider them.
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Where are you from and where do you live at present? Ariel 18/10/24(Wed)20:07 No. 5928 ID: cb7a05 [Reply]

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Hi guys.
What country do you come from and where do you live now?
I was born in Romania and moved to Italy when I was 13.

Eeyore 18/11/19(Mon)16:30 No. 5942 ID: 39d68e

That's cool, I'm italian myself.
How do you find it here?

Eeyore 18/11/26(Mon)03:45 No. 5952 ID: 2958f4

I'm from Paraguay

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)23:22 No. 5962 ID: f3b35f

also born in romania, still am in romania. where were you born, how old are you now and why did you move?

What am I The Phantom 18/11/21(Wed)01:59 No. 5944 ID: ad9b0c [Reply]

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Here's another typical sobstory that nobody wants to hear. Every time I recite it I can feel the vibrations of the world's tiniest orchestra playing many microviolins and microcellos, like a million buzzing bees ready to sting me as I intrude on their hive.

When I was a kid the first thing I remember was at the age of four, when I was just walking around the house by myself. I could always hear the family in the other rooms but I always found myself roaming around in the cold.

Only recently has it come back into my memory that my parents tried to teach me to paint, to play an instrument, to find myself some friends. But I was disinterested in people. I was an only child, but I loved my dog like a brother. He was disinterested in me. I loved my other dog like a sister. She always ran from me.

Dad was a cop, Mom was a firefighter. When they weren't at work, they fought. When they weren't fighting, they were sleeping.

I was four at the time, and rarely met other children, and when I did they wanted nothing to do with me.

I went into kindergarten after what felt like an eternity. I was by far the tallest, the scariest, and most scared in my class. The second of those categories being Brandon. Ms. Lipe was a fat annoying lady with glasses, her incessant storytime bored me, and as we sat there on the rug as a class, I went over to Brandon and attacked him, punching him in the eye until it was bruised and discolored.

Everybody was a bit stunned by this. They hadn't seen the kind of violence and intense rage, and neither did I, but I kept fighting until the teacher finally got the guts and bearings to pull me off, her arms around me only stirring my anger further. The class just watched as she tried her hardest to restrain me, against my clawing and biting.

Later that day I ended up in the Vice Principal's Office. He was always busy with something elsewhere at almost all times, but he was kind. I was in tears, full of fear that something bad would happen to me, but he had nothing to say. I guess he just didn't know what he could say.
Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

Eeyore 18/11/21(Wed)15:58 No. 5945 ID: 15d56c

>The person I was fondest of was the vice principal, cause he never saw the moments where I attacked my classmates with malice, he only saw the me that was crying and hopeless.

Eeyore 18/11/25(Sun)09:09 No. 5950 ID: aa9701

This is some weird-ass pasta, man.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)22:16 No. 5960 ID: 73ded1

ouch. mental illness is a bitch.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)07:08 No. 5959 ID: c45f73 [Reply]

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A childhood associate of mine has killed himself in a war zone.

We weren't exactly friends, but we were in school together for most of K-12 in addition to Boy Scouts and Band.

I hadn't seen him in over a decade, and on the occasion we did associate back in the day, we fought more often than we got along. This was the fat boy who had a heat stroke and had to be carried down a mountain at Scout camp. No one wanted to room with him at band camp because of the smell of his farts. He was social though; a big tough guy who was decent at sports and whose family were part of our rural hometown's tight social infrastructure. Last I saw him he had just gotten married and had a kid (not sure in which order); obituary says he had another and, I think, a different wife.

I can't say I know who he'd become in the last sixteen years; but the boy I remember had no place in a war zone. I can't help but think he was a victim of rural america's shit economy and conservative politics. He didn't go to university; I didn't ask what he was doing last we met--obituary puts him in the Army Reserves--but he'd have had few options other than service, farming, or labor. He and his family moved out of state, but not far, and where they live is exactly like where they came from--I've been there; I've lived there too. He would have been surrounded by people who see the war in the Middle East as a holy war; who celebrate local boys going out to bring freedom and the Word of Jesus to savage heathens, and who mourn them as martyrs.

I don't know why or how he killed himself; I probably never will. I can't say I feel much loss either, we never had much of a connection to start with and it was cut for many years. I won't be at his funeral to give this eulogy, and I don't think anyone would appreciate it; nonetheless it's a death close to home, even though it happened in a far-flung corner of the earth, and it gives me pause.

His death, though by his own hands, appears to me as the turning of gears in a great, heartless machine.

What wrath have we sewn? What wrath shall we reap?

Eeyore 18/06/17(Sun)13:32 No. 5829 ID: 889397 [Reply]

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If you're depressed, choke yourself. You can get high without drug. You don't need to fully hang yourself. Just use a belt to slightly strangle your neck to cut the oxygen so you enter an altered state of conciousness and can forget bad feelings. Side effects are blood clots and dark face which will go away after a week.

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Eeyore 18/06/18(Mon)21:01 No. 5833 ID: d28da9

yeesh. were just chilling here guys its cozy why get that way .

Eeyore 18/06/26(Tue)12:54 No. 5836 ID: a4c177

When I was suicidal I sat with a noose around my neck, it was pulled tight and I got the same feeling just from sitting with the noose around my neck.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)06:20 No. 5958 ID: 3b98a1

Yeah, I feel you.
I was near hanging myself but I pussied out before I could do it.

obsession Eeyore 18/11/26(Mon)03:39 No. 5951 ID: 2958f4 [Reply]

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can we talk about our oneitis?
who they are, who they were and what did they do to you(or what you did to them most likely)

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)06:07 No. 5953 ID: 3b98a1

I've known her for years, she was and still is my closest friend but since she's been dating a guy much much better than me things have started going south.
I'm not angry or anything, I don't even thing it is love what I feel, I just want to stop feeling this awful.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)06:14 No. 5955 ID: f8e2f9

We've known each other for a couple years...met on Facebook actually. At the beginning of 2018 she flew out to meet me in person. We fell in love instantly, flying back and forth to see each other for weeks at a time. Eventually I moved to her city to be with her. Asked her to marry me. Everything was great.
Then all of a sudden one day she became a different person. Flipped out, threw me out of our apartment. Straight up dumped me. Turns out she wanted to get back with her shitstain ex.
And I lost everything. My soon-to-be-wife, the children we were trying to conceive, my new city (and with it my great new job), pretty much my future. I know it's wrong to base all of your happiness on another person but we were so in love, or so I thought. and she was the key to everything.
Now I'm broken, lost, and think of killing myself every day.
This was 3 months ago.

Eeyore 18/10/10(Wed)08:12 No. 5914 ID: cb0322 [Reply]

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I have a bit over 20 pills of risperdal and sertraline. If i took those both and then tied a plastic bag around my head would i be able to die without unconsciously tearing the bag off?

Eeyore 18/10/22(Mon)16:19 No. 5926 ID: 86c92e

No youd have seizures for hours it might not even kill you

Eeyore 18/11/19(Mon)11:51 No. 5941 ID: 483806

he's planning to die of suffocation; the overdose is intended to disrupt his survival instincts and/or motor skills.

nonetheless I have to agree, this is probably not a good idea; you may just end up vegetablized.

Eeyore 17/09/03(Sun)21:42 No. 5543 ID: 15dcfa [Reply]

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do you believe in god, does it help ?

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Eeyore 18/10/02(Tue)02:32 No. 5905 ID: bb0954

I do, but it hardly helps. I can't tell you how many times I have looked up at the sky and screamed "What's your next move, asshole?"

Eeyore 18/10/23(Tue)18:41 No. 5927 ID: 35ee87

Consider for a moment the truth that, at their core, at their very foundation, every single mainstream religion, and every pseudo-religious cult, is essentially a man-made creation in some way or other, created by one person, or by a smaller group of people, with the basic intent of gaining power and control over a much larger group of other people in order to make them think, and believe, and act, precisely in the way(s) the creator(s) of their chosen religion want them to.

And then consider that within most/all of those mainstream religions there are sizeable sub-groups of people (e.g. christianity>catholics/protestants/etc. etc. or muslims>sunni/shi'a/etc. etc.) , who effectively all read the exact same holy book, or a different persons/groups own personal interpretation of that same book, as those in the other sub-groups of their chosen religion, and who then have wildly divergent interpretations of what their chosen book actually means; such differences that have, and will continue to, be the primary, and in most cases only, consistant cause of war, violence, suffering, genocide, abuse, etc. etc. etc. throughout the world.

Taking christianity as an example, there are many 'versions' of the bible, each taken as gospel by a different branch of that one religion, except surely if all those sub-groups all essentially believe in the same god, and they all believe that he handed down his instructions/wishes/guidance/whatever for every person to live by in good faith, why did he then apparently give each group a slightly differently worded version of his teachings?

The simple answer is that 'god' didn't do anything.

This is entirely because, while there undoubtedly are/were actual people in the past who have been, and still are, worshipped as 'god', and/or who themselves actually claimed to be 'god' or to personally represent 'god', maybe even to the point that people actually believe/believed in them, in essence the term 'god' is little more than another fictional construct of man, it's a tool of man, of mainstream religions and pseudo-religious cults alike, in whatever form they might take. In effect 'god' is nothing more than a simple whip to be used by one, or by the privileged few, to keep a larger group of people toeing the religious party line at all costs, and preferably without examining and/or questioning the things they are being asked to believe in.

Equally the so-called holy book(s) of each cult and religion, in all their many man-made variations and interpretations, are all just yet another man-made creation, wherein a religions/cults chosen holy book is the leash that one man/a small privileged group of people uses to capture and control the obedience and belief of others around him/them, particularly others who are more susceptible and/or willing to be taken in by something that Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

hunky spunky 18/11/19(Mon)04:43 No. 5935 ID: b9f873

It helps... though I can't really put it into words, it goes something along the lines of how many values/rules you got 'right' - imagine guessing at all life's choices, you are bound to get some right according to a decision model you have. God gives feedback on these values, that's how I've felt it, but like me, you can still just crash on a huge wall and be unable to move on.
Things have very slowly gotten less worse, who knows? when I pray, it makes me feel somewhat at peace.

I have done the same as >>5927, but wow, things can get really really much worse, like to the point where you stop caring about getting up, sleeping, eating, even thinking, you just somehow wait for it all to end - and it doesnt.

I sure don't know how and why things work, for the most part I wish they didnt, but usually its the simplest that make most sense: this one goes to you >>5842
I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me.

Ranting I guess Eeyore 18/10/28(Sun)18:15 No. 5931 ID: a9c397 [Reply]

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I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in such mental anguish but I don't know why and I have no one to talk to it about. I don't feel like a real person anymore, I don't have a personality I just respond to stimuli. Everyone thinks I'm happy because I act that way so I don't get pity. I'm so normal, I don't have anything to really complain about but for some reason I'm just so tired. I feel so different and separate from anyone. I don't know what I want and I don't know my opinions. I think I'm special but I know I'm not. I wish I was special, if such a thing existed.

Sorry for posting this, I just needed to get it off my back.

Advice could help but I don't expect it, thanks.

Eeyore 18/10/29(Mon)03:29 No. 5932 ID: ea1058

I know exactly how you feel... The only thing we can really do is to fully commit ourselves to this "autopilot" mode. There is no hope, there never was any. Be free of all illusions. Let yourself go. All that will remain would be an empty husk and you shall finally be rid of this suffering.

The state between wanting to live and wanting to die joseppeli 18/09/02(Sun)06:24 No. 5884 ID: c727eb [Reply]

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hey, I’m a 14 y/o depressed cunt. I’ve been dealing with mental issues including chronic&severe depression, anxiety, adhd, ocd, and other generalized diagnosis since about age 5 or 6. I’ve been dealing with this feeling of “gray” for a while now. I’ve been stuck between craving death and holding onto life. I would say I have a very privileged and enjoyable life, but me being an ungrateful cunt I still want to die. What I’m here to ask is how can I pick a side. What helps push you to the edge of death, or helps you grab back onto life. I hope you all are having a good day, or you are doing better.

3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Eeyore 18/09/26(Wed)23:47 No. 5902 ID: 8164ff

Think about this long and hard--something is missing from your life. What is it you crave that you believe you can never have? Death isn't a solution, it's a workaround.

Like >>5895, I felt like you in my teens as well. It passed, after I overcame my expectations. It was hard, grueling work--emotionally dragging myself through barbed wire across a battlefield--but I began to feel whole again.

Eeyore 18/10/02(Tue)02:30 No. 5904 ID: bb0954

Mate, I lived that way. Hard. I guess the difference might be that my mother and sisters were emotionally abusing me for being born a male. It gets better. Try to hold on until you get your independence. That is all I can truly offer, but still, please, don't decide at that age. At least get your feet under you and grow to be an adult before you do that. Please.

Eeyore 18/10/08(Mon)00:00 No. 5912 ID: c8555b

For me, i was just too afraid of what the afterlife was. It was the fear of the unknown when i was your age, and even now. I was a coward.

Eeyore 18/10/02(Tue)10:21 No. 5906 ID: b1f1f1 [Reply]

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What is something that seems to be slipping away?

For me, it ought to be urgency. I'm lost between oversleeping and having tireless bloodshot eyes. When I go beyond 48 hours without rest, life is blown out of perspective. It's already so pointless to drag myself through all the same motions everyday.

Eeyore 18/10/07(Sun)23:58 No. 5911 ID: c8555b

for me, it's passion, and ambition. I go to Sullivan university in America, Majoring in the Culinary Arts, and i haven't been feeling like doing any cooking for months. I set a goal for myself to open up a seafood restaurant on a pier somewhere, and i still plan on following that goal, albeit reluctantly. Most people would probably be intimidated trying to do this, but it feels underwhelming to me. I'm not sure what I want to do anymore, or even if i want to do anything.

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